Hi Everyone,

WTG Red - you are holding sooo strong! I bet Mu would be right honored!

I can't wait until I'm finished teaching summer school - I think then I' will have regained some kind of control of myself and schedule. Going to 2 jobs is just too hectic. I have until Thursday.... 4 more day AND COUNTING!!!!!!! Ugh. Reming me when they ask me next year to say NO! What can I do though? Finances are terrible, DH's been out of a job for over a year, we're not eligible for unemployment, I'm the sole breadwinner (and not making much of it) and we have 6 kids. Hmm - something ain't good with that equation - huh? I took the summer school job for that extra bit of income but it's just not worth killing myself for it. I'm having a really rough time juggling everything and I'm never home and when I am I have no energy for anything. Fortunately for me, at my regular job, my boss has become very keen on being health concious (welcome to the high cholesterol club...) and so even thought I've not had time to bring food from home etc. - because he, too i seating healthy - we send someone out to buy salads, or a sandwich, etc. I guess I need to look for small things to be happy with right now.

I think I should make a challenge of doing one small nice thing for myself everyday - call a friend, read a book, watch a movie, or something. Right now I'm at the very, very, very end of my priority list, and that leads me to hanging out in the bathroom with my laptop for some peace and quiet, like I am now......

Hello everyone.
Wow, it was not just me, I think everyone had a rough few days.
Similar simptoms: lack of sleep, unhappyness over thyself, struggle.

Apple, I am curious to find out where you went camping. Back befoe my bf and I were together, we went almost every weekend. It was awesome, and we were in search of a quiet spot on the weekend. I miss those times now, especially that there are only a few people I would go camping with and not be affraid for my safety.

Red, I am amazed at how strong you are! It's been sometime since I met you and a few others. Loosing at that time was easier, as I rarely drank. But now, I hear you sister. I definitely have upped my level of drinking over the last year. But with some serious things where my bf (or shall I start calling him ex soon) needed lots of my help and support, we've consumed lots of boose to drown the frustration, anger and such. I realize it is bad, but at times I enjoyed sharing drinks with him. Even now, I am hoping we make up, and the only time I see it possible is if we drink together... (sad, very sad)
Jolly, I must admit, for the longest time, really since you joined this thread I've been mentally comparing myself, and setting you as an example to myself. Please forgive me, if that makes you feel uncomfortable. But I totally understand what you are saying. I feel like I am running around (you've done way more than me, especially loosing whopping 55 pounds), but the self satisfaction of achievement is no settling in. For me it is an acceptance factor. I need others to briefly comment on it, but not dwell about! Determine what is your success criteria in life, don't think about what is theirs! I would also recommend measuring agains "old self" vs now, and not against the crowd! You should be proud of yourself, enough to get excited - there are just days till you enter a new era of one-derland and you've discovered a new athlete in yourself (running, maraphon, triaphlon!) Now about small talk - I am a talker, but in a group of people I barely know/remember it is tough. YET my recomendation is that you should go! You never know who you might meet!!!

Now, self, I am sitting now on the couch, but cannot mope anymore.
I've just been way to excited for you guys, and it gives me hopes in my own success. I will try to find piece within myself. I feel like I lost someone I loved, though we are still friends and joke, and talk. I don't know how to break up in a fight, so he will go just like all other ones - as friends.
Weight loss was very important for him, but I played with the idea, found excuses, and he just admitted that he could not deal with it anymore. I feel sad that I am loosing him over FAT, but fact is a fact, he is entitled to his feelings.

Here is my update for the 2 days since my last post

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Challenges:
A: H2O (Level 1)- drink 4 bottles of water per day --> Day 10 done
B: Time (Level 3)- do not eat past 7:30pm --> Day 8 (taken two pauses)
C: Excercise(L3)- gym daily --> Day 8 is done

Scale said 252 in the morning, so just 3 moe till it matches the ticker.
I did show it to bf :-( and he said it is still 100lb away from his weight :-(

Afternoon all. Taking a quick lunch break to check in. Needed to today.

Dealing with major cravings today. Have kept to healthy choices though, thank goodness. Just wish they would quit! Ah well. We all have days.

Shy - why do you have 5 extra folks again? I forget, sorry. And this may be a difficult challenge time for you, but you have almost finished. Way to go! Perseverance is HUGE!

Miriam - I hope the next 4 days goes quick. I like your challenge idea. We all need to take better care of ourselves first, so we have the energy we need to be there for others. It is hard to do though.

Cbeta - where to start? First, I don't feel uncomfortable that you say you use me as an example. Glad I can since most days I feel like such a mess myself. As for the rest? You have to care about yourself for any of it to fall in place. And a friend's momma told me "You can be miserable by yourself. If you are with someone, it damned well better feel good." Why do you think you deserve to be with someone who puts you down, or doesn't love you for who you are? That's not helpful, and you don't deserve it. You have to love yourself enough to see that.

Well, back to work. Til later all

Jolly, may be I am wrong, but I think he loved me for who I am, he just could not bear to watch me on the couch, accumulating pounds. And then I started having problems with my knees (twice had seen me in a cast and on crutches). He expressed his feelings of being scared that I "go" before him many times, I just ignored them. Even now he says, I don't want to be the one who sees you at 400lbs, and the one who will have to put you to rest...He does feel it is all his fault over the last year, because he was the one who cooked. But he cooked protein. Portion control would have been helpful, but really I was the culprit as I snuck in pasta, sweets, etc through out the day, sometime in big quantities :-(
He is in a hard financial bind, and I don't want him to move just till he gets back on his feet (he does pay 1/2 rent and food, regardless, he always insisted on it). I think August will either make or break us.
(scale said 251 this morning)

p.s. I am scared that he is just keeping himself away till I get in the groove or perhaps looking for the proof whether I can do it... I really wish he would stop, I hate it that he is in a way able to manipulate me (even though I am the one who needs this weight loss the most)

30 min exercise, Day 1, 2 pauses left
I'm trying to come up with an eating challenge. I was thinking no bread/pasta/rice. But then DH toasted for breakfast. I guess I could have said no, but I hate wasting food. I guess if I TELL him, he will help out. So that's what I'll do I guess. 2 pauses allowed.
Looked at photos from the last 2 months, oh yuck. Sometimes I convince myself that I look OK and then I see photos and I just want to cry. Most of my weight is in my lower abdomen and I almost look pregnant!! My legs should not be exposed to the public...I can go on and on. Sorry, I'll stop complaining now. We might get that Hawaii trip again in Jan, and I really don't want to experience that horrible feeling I did last time, of being really body conscious and uncomfortable in any thing I might choose to wear.
CBETA, I think if your BF SEES you making an effort, he should understand and be patient. It takes a long time to lose weight, but a positive attitude and commitment to a plan has to be recognized as forward progress. We were camping in Alpine county, south of Lake Tahoe. Near Kirkwood Ski Resort. I'm guessing it's a good 3 1/2 hours from SF.
Jolly, I have the same fear of reunions. Although it sounds like you HAVE accomplished quite a bit, since you are off to law school and the emerging athlete in you sounds pretty interesting too.
Miriam, I hope your financial situation improves. I agree, sometimes earning extra money isn't really worth the time. Do try to get that time for your self in, but try and find a better place to hide than the bathroom, OK?
Hi to everyone else! Have a great day!

Red, what else can work to pacify you? What else "treats" yourself, so you can say "If I only get through X I can get Y"? i was having a more stressful work week myself. I scheduled a manicure with this trainee, so it was only $8. Worked for me to get me through the last little bit, and then unwind. Do you still have your horse? It is so hard NOT to turn to the usual pacifiers, that you have to actively search for replacements. You can do it. I know you are smart enough and strong enough.

Wow - Hawaii Apple? I am so jealous. But why are we so awful and nit pick ourselves over how we look? i am just as guilty here, I know. But I watch "What Not to Wear." I have seen Oprah through her ups and downs. I know women can look fabulous not matter what size, if they find the right outfits. You should just be enjoying the fact that you are in beautiful Hawaii, not worrying that people are looking at you instead of the scenery. And yes, I need to take my own advice

Cbeta, I just hope things work out for the best for you, and you find what you need to succeed. YOu can do it, and you deserve it!

I will try to check back in later. I have a get together with two friends tonight, but we are going somewhere with healthy choices. It will be a good day Have a great one all.

Hi everyone,

Another Saturday down. Whew.... family is SO stressful! I know I'm rotten but I'm counting the days that my DH goes abroad with mt stepkids to see their mom. Aren't I terrible?? I just can't wait for some real peace and quiet. I always feel like people are looking over my shoulder. I'ts not like that with my little ones.

CBETA - hi - don't know you yet, bet getting there LOL. I love the fact of being candid and cutting straight to the chase I love what Jolly quoted - "You can be miserable by yourself. If you are with someone, it damned well better feel good." Certainly food for thought - a no calories, too!!

Jolly - I was stuck with some funny cravings yesterday, too, and I am not really used to them being around anymore! Maybe it's just TOM peeking from around the corner, but I was all antsy. Hmph. You've lost so much already, you must have some good survival tactics!

Red - totally can relate to lack of pacifiers. I was sooo down in the dumps recently, and I was at a counselor and I was complaining that at least in the past I had food to comfort me! Now I have nothing! I hope things have picked up for you and that you're doing better.

Apple - I know people say this all the time - that when you're away - the only person who cares what you look like is you, because no one there's weighing you are measuring your fat or cellulites or anything else I know what you mean about the pregnant tummy - people ask me all the time when I'm due, especially in the society that I live in where people really ARE pregnant all the time! At first I was mortified, but not anymore. This is my reality, and I'm working on it. Anyone who doesn't like it can stuff it

Day 19 is done. Sooo busy. I'm sorry I can't write, but thank you for your help. I will try to think of things I can do other than eat and drink. It's just that those are immediate and can always be done right then, right there. Other things take time and preparation. But maybe, I can learn to wait like jolly and do them instead. Still, it's not the same. Maybe I can learn to titillate my brain cells like I do my taste buds though and just read or study or write or something. Don't know. jolly, I got that abs magazine. Those abs are NOT possible, are they? Must be airbrushed..... Later all!

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Oh, I am ticked now. I told myself I wouldn't weigh myself more than once every two weeks, but I did after a week and the weight is the SAME! This really sucks. And tonight I am in BIG danger of throwing everything to the wind and drinking because I'm going out to a burlesque show with a very cute 19-year-old! Yup! How am I going to stick to it when IT doesn't seem to be doing anything. My skin is bad again. It seems nothing I do makes things better, just worse or the same. Rant, rant. But, no, this really gets to me because I have been GOLDEN with a capital G!! OK, OK, the fat roll around my waist has gotten smaller, I was able to wear a blouse I haven't worn in months because it revealed my gut. That felt great. I have been working out and no doubt gaining muscle. I AM stronger, so that Is a NO doubt, but, but, but, I WANT the numbers on the scale to go down, get it?!?! No, it doesn't get it....sigh...

Hey Red,

How did it go? You know that muscle weighs more than fat! And nothing is a better proof that you're losing fat than being able to fit into clothes that were previously too small! Hang in there babe - you sound soooo frustrated!

Good morning all. Miriam, I love the attitude I too get asked "When are you expecting?" Expecting to what? Knock you on your butt for being rude? I have a running shirt that says "I'm slow, I know. Get over it." Same concept.

Red, I hear you loud and clear. The scale had moved down nicely this week, then this morning for official weigh in, it had crept back up a bit. How the heck did that happen Especially as I had been pretty responsible yesterday with my choices, even when out with friends. I have to wonder if it is all worth it. I should have just had the delicious while I was out last night. But I know it is just some water retention, probably because I did have a soda.

But it is worth it. You and I both know it is worth it. Getting into smaller clothes is awesome. And I know you are committed to making it work. You can do it. We both can.

I am a bit stressy again today. I got home last night, and had mail from school re book lists, and homework assignments for the first day. THE FIRST DAY!!! There is this voice inside my head screaming "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???" Ah well, temporary freak out. This too shall pass.

I do have to laugh. Today is my "anything" day. I had the one thing I was thinking about earlier this week, and now, really don't want anything. This is a good sign. It is just nice to know that I have this day for whatever if i want it. If I don't, even better.

Have a great day all. Will check in later

I am totally and utterly zombifiyed - I've been at work for 14 hours and my eyeballs are spinning. i was so hungry i ate the peanut butter i have in my desk with my fingers - aargh!! I think TOM is coming because all i want to do it eat eat eat and I haven't felt like this for a while



Tough day!!! tomorrow i have teaching again - aargh,,,,,, 4 more days left!@#$#@@#@!!

I'm intrigued about the 21-Day Challenge concept. I know how tough this is to do and so I'd like to start my Challenge on something very basic. I'm a regular soda drinker (usually one a day unless I'm extra stressed) and I know that it is not a good thing for me to do. My challenge will be to stop drinking regular soda and substitute water or diet soda instead with three pauses. I'm giving myself three pauses because I know that I'll not follow through with the challenge if I think I can't have any.

To introduce myself, I'm from the Midwest and am struggling to motivate myself to get in better shape. I've put on an extra 24 pounds in the last 5 months, on top of an extra 20 that I didn't need. I'm over 50 and haven't figured out what's happening to my metabolism. But I'm working on it.

Hey all. Welcome USLeftie. Good luck with your challenge. That is always a huge one for me too.

I am just in a crabby mood today. We did our run today. 6 miles. My knees were aching, and I had to walk about 1 1/2 miles of it Seriously not happy. Then, on top of that little voice screaming "What were you thinking??" after getting the school lists and assignments, I found out that due to airline budget cuts, my flights for the cruise in a month and a half were cancelled. Now i have to find new ones, and prices have gone up, and it will be hard to make it back in time for class I know, poor me.

Fish, any words of wisdom for a new law student?

Everyone, hope you are surviving your day, or better yet, having a fantastic day!