I'm south of the river. Came over with work and the branch I was posted to was in the Canning Vale area, so that influenced where I live! I really need to start seeing more, I'm planning to go to Cotto this weekend and should be going to Busselton within the next two months.

:s wim::c oach::co ach:

Kel are you sure you haven't overdosed on red cordial today ?

LOL Ani I thought the same thing exactly!

I drank heaps today, maybe 3.5L. It was so hot! I was busy at work and running around madly, so glad I took a bottle of water and drank a litre at work.

As well as work, I just got home from a 1.5hr walk along the beach and pier from Mentone down to Mordialloc - lovely breezy warm night. Worked out well - had conflict with the mother, so wanted to get out of the house anyhow. Walked it off with my ipod, it was nice. My achilles is KILLING me after work + walk though!!! Faarrrrkkkk, it's sore.

I ate chocolate and icecream today, but I think it's within my calories or just about, and it's TTOM so I will forgive myself!

I am realising lately that I really don't like myself. I don't just mean a self esteem thing, I mean that I don't like the person I've turned into. My mother is very loyal and capable, and she helps me a lot. But she is a VERY antisocial, negative and pessimistic person.. and the older I get, the more I see her in myself. I don't want to be that person. I hope it's as easy - and hard - as choosing not to be. I also don't think I'm just very nice in general, I am very prickly. This is probably the only board I've not got into an argument on! I realised the other day, out of 4 other message boards I visit, I leave the perception at all of them of being a smart *** or a *****. I hate that I have to have the last word in an argument, albeit an internet one!!

Anyhow. This year I'm planning to work on my personality. I choose to be a nicer person, and to become more interesting. By the end of the year, I'd just like to be closer to liking myself.

Gen in some ways I think it's your inner self-critic that needs a slap, because you are so much more than the sum of the negative traits you've labelled yourself with.

I think we become negative, smart-arse, argumentative, b!tchy, and other things because of things that lie deeper… not because they necessarily form the foundation of our character.

It's often because we're scared, feeling unloved, invisible, restless etc, and we develop these outward traits to push people away, so that they don't see that we're really vulnerable underneath. Or unsafe.

Give yourself some credit. In the last year you've quit smoking, moved interstate, lost a lot of weight, changed jobs, pushed through injuries and aches and pains, and now you're about to go to the US. That's a lot of change in a short amount of time.

Are you able to write a list of things you like about yourself? It might sound very basic pop-psychology, but at a very low point a few years ago I did it – and it's a really good way of reminding yourself that you are likeable, and worthwhile.

I can think of a dozen things I like about you. And I know I don't 'know' you, but I am a writer and am very good at getting a feel for someone by what they write. I can tell that you don't suffer fools, that you're fiercely intelligent, driven, funny and hungry to learn.

I think that giving up smoking raises a lot of emotional stuff, as does weight loss. You're not able to hide behind a smokescreen, or layers of fat so easily – and suddenly you're a lot more raw.

I think it's really brave to come here and be so honest about what you're going through. I thought about it for an hour after I read your post, maybe because some of it resonated with me.

I really hope you find it, whatever it is that will make you see that you ARE someone who deserves to be liked, nurtured, supported and encouraged - because you do .

Well said Ani. I don't see you as being any of those things Gen. Give yourself a break!

I had a shocker of a day yesterday food wise. Forgot to prepare brekky the night before so had to go without. Had more diet coke than what I would like to have had, an ice cream with chocolate sauce for dessert and a packet of potato chips in the evening.



Must do better today!

Have a great weekend ladies

kel ..... i think you might be allergic to coke zero..... it made you loop lmao


well we had fun yesturday went bcak to my parents house for swimming

I did 300 laps and played for hours with the kids . im tired this morning lol. but it was great fun.. my shoulders are a bit burnt but we have about 70% of the pool under shade and the kids stayed in the shallow (shaded end ), so they are fine.. I thought i would be starving today like i was last week after swimming but im fine we swam from 11 till about 6 and there pool is 30 ft long so i worked out i did 9000 feet of freestyle swimming ..lol plus hours of horse play with the kids...: swim:

Now hopefully this week i might loose some darn weight lol. i have gone up to 277 and i was 275 and i have done nothing wrong.. i refuse to change my ticker .. instead i will just sulk and wait for the darn weight loss p off lol.. i have finally broken my no inches off my butt though this week and i have lost 1 and a half inches around there ( and so far i had not lost at all there so im happy with that).. my boobs went down a couple of inches but have come back up to where i was in the begining and my waist has gone down 6 inches from the begining.. so who knows whats going on lol.. my body is just all over the place. i lost some inches on my legs but have got them back too but my arms have lost 2 inches.. lol.. I GIVE UP trying to figure out my stupid body lol.. i just wanna loose weight and be thinner .. i dont think my stupid body agrees.. and i can see its argument loud and clear..

I give up lol.. no more thats it stupid crap lol....... I am not gonna weigh or measure myself before next friday.. if i do please slap me or or. Beacuse i am now starting to p^&s myself off lol...

i sopse i will have to think about things other then myself next week like packing johns suit case and getting Cameron ready for school.. so it might be easier to ignore myself lol...

Kel. I don't know how you can't drink 2lt's water in a day. I have no problems doing that and more! I don't drink soft drink, cordial or juice, just water and the odd coffee or tea.

Gen I agree with Julia and Ani. You seem like a likeable person to me, but that little inner person has a way of making us see all of the bad and not so much of the good. I find I need to be reminded of the good stuff about myself or I'm overwhelmed by the not so good.

Ani. Have you ever thought about being a counsellor? You can be so insightful.

Amy. Maybe you've put on muscle with all of the activity you've been doing. Don't be to concerned about it, your body'll sort itself out soon. It's frustrating though isn't it!

XX
Barb

Happy Australia Day everyone .

Barb I have never thought about being a counsellor. In the short-term it's my intention to get a job which will keep me and the cats off the streets, and to move house. After things have settled down I'll have a think about what I'd like to really do next.

Amy how often do you weigh and measure yourself? Do you do it under consistent conditions?

Julia is everything OK? A few bad meals/days isn't anything in the scheme of things.

Considering that I closed my business yesterday I had a pretty good day in terms of reaching my goals. I ate 1360 calories and drank 2.7L of water.

I'm not going to have a problem with drinking water today. It's really hot in Perth and as of lunch time I have already drunk 1.8L… it's that kind of day.


Ani

i have been weighing myself every morning and driving myself crazy lol.. I know i know i shouldn't but i so want th weight to go .. lol i measure once a week but i think im gonna measure maybe once a fortnight instead.. its really starting to annoy me . I kinda wish i hadn't bought the scales i knew i was gonna be like this lol..I always the same.. bad bad bad .. lol.. . When the invent the magic weightloss button ill buy one.. lol i like feeling good eating good and exercising but . when you work hard for no results its very disheartening.. . I have read the board i know it happens to everyone .. but it does suck huh ... it sucks bad.....

i think i probably drink 2L of water but i do have low joule cordial and diet softdrink as well.... sometimes it is just coz i have run out of water (i even carry around 1.5L bottle) and dont have "time" to go and get another, when i have the gate situation sorted in my house it will be easier, at the moment to get to the laundry i have to unco like step over the gate and get the water out of the drinks fridge and come up and unco like get back over the gate (which i am scared to do) alternatively find a time when jemima is not there and take off the gate walk down the stairs and bring heaps of water and putin normal fridge... i am a sook i know but why do things have to be so hard.

so barb, if you are drinking 2L of water a day, what is it that is keeping your from losing weight??? did you lose your 800grams this week??? I am TOTALLY understanding how hard it is to lose weight when you have so many others to look out for, hubby and 2 kids etc.... i find it "hard" enough with just hubby and jemima, and i am SO lucky that benji would cook for himself everyday if i asked him to BUT i am recently wanting to be "good housewife" and have dinner ready for him when he gets home from being busy mechanic he works LONG day and comes home to demanding me so i feel sorry for him

ani - counsellor would suit you and i think people would be able to relate and talk to you coz you have been there done that not got it out of a book (or so it seems...) i am so excited for you closing one book of your life

gen - I KNOW EXACTLY what you are talking about hating the person you have become, i look at certain people i have taken out of my life and think i hope i am never ever like them... and then sometimes i realise i am and feel awful.... i feel awful about the way i treat my hubby sometimes the way i talk to my best friends
admitting it is HUGE and i think really realising it will make you more consious not to continue, one thing at a time.... moving will enable you to be who you WANT TO BE from the start so you wont have to "change..."??

okey dokey since everyone thinks they are SO good at drinking 2L of water everyday what is one thing that you ALWAYS miss at?????? all these goals you all talk about ... what is one that you dont achieve daily???
it ONLY TAKES TWENTY ONE DAYS TO FORM A HABIT so lets all form a good one in the next 3 weeks??
saying 30 mins excercise everyday does not fit in with everyones timetables, but perhaps should it??? i wont even have time today, going to lake moogarah for dinner but tomorrow i will make myself go for walk or do cross trainer and then monday will be at least 30 mins at the gym then try for walk everyday and then gym on friday if not also thursday...
but i will admit that i dont think i officially drink 2L of water everyday so I am going to stick with that until i think of something else to commit to.......

totally weightloss unrelated but i am going to make myself spend 5 mins cleaning my house everyday..... an official five minutes, today i stressed out and yelled and carried on for heaps longer than five minutes coz i lost jemima's cargo pants and her drink bottle..... now if i had tidied the toys last night MYSELF i would have remembered i gave her drink when she was playing yesterday but benji played 'lets put the crap away" with her last night and if i had piled up the HUGE pile of cheap nappies we bought from bilo about TWO WEEKS ago i would have found the cargo pants i have been looking for!
hopefully by doing 5 mins of housework each night i will also get to bed earlier, i am up til stupid hours of the morning buying crap off ebay or god only knows on the net! so wake up tired and have started to get stress headaches etc

so MY GOALS for the next couple of days:

DRINK 2L OF WATER (cordial and softdrink is extra) (and exercise water not included either)

TIDY HOUSE FOR FIVE MINUTES EVERY DAY

FIND JEMIMA'S DRINK BOTTLE BEFORE I GO TO BED

MWAH

HEYAMY
i have been weighing myself daily out of interest since starting opifast
it is incredible the fluctuations.... eg
thursday to thursday i have lost 2kg
saturday to saturday i have only lost about 700grams!
how about that!

Aw thanks girls. Ani, you made me cry! I did have to write a list of things I liked about myself when I was going to the psychologist. Let's just say it was hard haha. Funnily enough, the list was pretty much what you wrote, so I agree that you're very perceptive - esp considering we've never met. Then again, we probably share more of ourselves here than we do with people we see every day. I know I do.

It sounds so ridiculous, but when I was going to counselling, it turned out that apparently most of my *issues* come from being teased as a little tacker at primary school. My parents did pull me out of the school eventually, but I don't think they (or even I) realised exactly how much it traumatised me and made me feel totally worthless. Surely at some point though, you get to leave that crap behind and just be who and how you want to be...? I hope so, anyhow - certainly can't change the past.

I got to leave work 2 hrs early tonight as they had too many night staff - great, since I am back at 7am tomorrow! Still haven't broken the silent treatment with my mother, so I've walked in at home, and hiding in my bedroom watching TV and computing. It's quite bizarre feeling like a teenager in trouble with my mum when I'm 32. I didn't even do anything! I think as my going away gets closer she is subconsciously being a cow as she'll miss me. Logical, huh?

Hi all I am back . Had a great week. Did pretty good food wise. And I walked for 6 hours (well strolling - stopping and starting) at the wildlife sanctuary on Wednesday. I refrained from eating a pile of crap even on the 3 hour drive. All I had in the 4 days that was not great for me was 20gm crunch chocolate, a mini (i mean MINI) packet of chips, and a caramello Koala. The rest of the time I ate fruit and veg. Didnt do fantastic on the water, but at least I DID drink some.

I bought myself a cross trainer for $164. So my plan for tomorrow is to set it up and get going.

Been reading everyones posts and there is SOOOOO much interesting said that is hard to reply. Lets just say read all and I enjoyed catching up on what you all have done, thought and felt this week. Gen - I echo everyone else in here about your personality. I prob come across as a b*i*t*c*h to a lot of people and even my boss when he first met me asked a collegue if I was aggressive. She said nope - thats just vonni. Not backward in coming foward, tells it how it is and sees it how it is. No sugar coating. But a heart of gold. So take everyones advice and dont beat yrself up. Youa re probably only seeing the negative that you believe others see in you, when in fact you should focus on the good stuff.

Welcome back renny sue. Amy you are so funny about yr car. Lindor I echo you in the thought of that ideal relationship (even suggested to my other half he do something away hehe). Kel - get off that bloomin red cordial or coke zero or whatever the heck is makin you a jumping bean. Ani good luck in this turn of your life. Julia you are pulling through you hurdles so well - keep it up. and Barb hows yr mum now?

Gotta fly, and check out this semesters workload that just came in mail y/day. If I missed anyone sorry, but know I was reading (it's like a novel when you miss a few days).

Vonni xxx