SCgirlie you are so right! that really is the bottom line

Hello ladies! Welcome to all the newbies!

Karis- I agree, the knot is a FABULOUS source for vendors. Their boards can be great for that, too.

Shananigans- I still cannot get over how beautiful that dress is- and that back!

NoVaVT- Congrats on your engagement AND your weightloss! I'm sure you will hit your goal with no problem.

Lafayette- Good luck!

Well, things are FINALLY looking up in the wedding dept. Despite the fact that this has only brought out how CRAZY everyone we know happens to be (I dunno, maybe we're the nutty ones ), I am doing much better. I've started a workout regime and that's helped immensely. Also, my MOH's (I have two- they're sisters and I have known them forever and can't pick just one) are in town, one right after the other from Boston and Chicago so help has arrived! I burst into tears the second I saw MOH #1 yesterday and I just felt so relieved. I also just returned from Barnes and Noble with:

-The Bride's Book Of Lists (I'm pretty aware of most of it, but it looked like a really great organizational tool)
-Altared, which is a collection of essays from brides and looked really sweet
-The Conscious Bride (I'm totally not a self-help kind of girl, but if there was ever a time for self-help...)
-The China Study (OK, not wedding related but I thought of Shananigan's reccommendation when I picked it out)
And my favorite:
-10 Neat Things About Being a Flower Girl... a precious beginner level book for flower girls that I hope to get sent of here soon. Too cute.

NoVaVT- we started with our guest list, which prompted a conversation about how big the wedding would be and what people would enjoy. We just took it from there.

Knowing our guests, we booked a very easy-going photographer, picked an elegant venue that will handle just about everything, including a separate space for the kids (who originally weren't invited but you pick your battles). We hired a florist who was willing to work with our budget. We skipped cake in favor of a dessert from the venue and now, we're in the process of booking a very laid-back trio who love to play (and it shows) and welcome requests. Honestly, booking the hotel block was the easiest part of the whole ordeal and registering for gifts has been a rather bizarre and entertaining inventory of all the junk we've accumulated over the years (I'm 32, he's 35). The bridesmaids' dresses were easy. The tuxedos took less than 15 minutes to pick out. I'm getting the world's simplest wedding dress. We still have to book a limo, make arrangements for the departure brunch the following day, finalize the Church ceremony and finalize the spa arrangements for myself, the moms and the bridesmaids on the day of.

You can make yourself crazy (and I have) obsessing over favors (we decided against in favor of an open bar), contemplating colors, learning the Victorian language of flowers... remember, if you look at something and it will not change whether you are married at the end of the day, it's optional! SCgirlie got is right!!!

Junebug- good to see you back!

Mandalinn- your wedding pictures have reminded me that this is all worth it more than once. Thanks for the motivation! Good to have you drop by!

Shan- what's left?

That lists book is starting to make me wonder...

Thank you to all for your comments and suggestions!

Our guest list is going to be one of the problems with our wedding. I wanted to have no more than 30 people invited to the wedding, but that number doesn't look possible. My family (including extended) is very small. My father has one sister and one brother, and they have kids so I have a few cousins. My mother only has one suriving cousin. I personally only want to invite my mom's cousin, and my dad's sister (my aunt) and her daughter and husband (my cousin). I like the other members of my family, but I don't know them very well and really just want people at the wedding who I know very well. My father is paying for the wedding, and he would like me to invite my entire family because it is a small family and he doesn't want anyone to be insulted. I'm fine with that - I like the rest of the family, just don't know them very well, and I am trying to keep cost down as much as possible by inviting as few people as possible. But, since my dad is paying for it, and he really wants it, I'll probably be inviting our entire family, and then a few of my closest friends.

Now, my fiance comes from a HUGE family. His mother and father both came from families with 6-8 children each, so he has a bazillion aunts and uncles and cousins. He doesn't like most of his family, so he won't invite most of them. The problem is that he does like a few aunts and uncles enough to invite them, and he feels that if he invites a few of his aunts/uncles, he has to invite all of them so he won't insult anyone. I told him this was not going to make me very happy - I absolutely do not want anyone at our wedding that he doesn't at least like and want there. I want my wedding to only be filled with people who we both like enough to want to spend that special day with - I don't want my wedding to be a big circus with a bunch of guests that we feel obligated to invite. I remember my cousin got married when I was younger and she had 250 guests - most friends of her parents that she hardly knew. I don't want anything like that, plus I want to keep the cost down and I've learned from others that the way to do that is by keeping the guest count down.

So, that is my biggest dilemma so far. I believe I will end up inviting my entire family (some may not want to travel tho, so no big deal I suppose) and my fiance and I have comprised that he will invite a few of his aunts and uncles that he does like and want around. It will be more people than I wanted, probably around 50, but I guess that is an alright compromise. My father of course tells me not to worry about cost since he is paying for it, but I refuse to have a big blowout wedding just because I can - it was never what I wanted, I have always wanted something very small and personal, and I won't have something huge just because he says he will pay for it. I want to keep the cost down for him.

The one thing I will not budge on for the wedding - NO CHILDREN! Not many people who will be invited have children but a few do, and there children will not be welcome at my wedding. If they can't find a sitter, they cannot bring the kids to the wedding. I am not a big fan of kids, especially screaming crying ones, and I will not have them at my wedding. If the guests don't like it, oh well.

Sorry for the rant. I have so much to think about and it's a little overwhelming, but exciting at the same time. We are going to check out our potential venue on Saturday and i'm getting excited!

Ah... that wasn't much of a rant! I wanted a very intimate and relaxed wedding with no kids. I had my heart set on Ireland for a destination wedding. There will be compromises and battles that just aren't worth fighting.

...I have parents' friends that neither of us have ever met, children people have demanded they will bring, work colleagues and clients I have never met... it's safe to say I don't know 15-20% of the people on the guest list. At the end of the day, I'll be married, peace will be kept in the family (or at least it won't be my fault) and we'll never have to do this again.

It will all come together!

I agree about picking your battles. I am only inviting family and friends that I see regularly and want at my wedding, my parents are fine and have expressed no interest in dictating a guest list. My future in-laws however have sent lists of people my fiance has never met or barely knows, but they are paying for the bulk of the expenses so I've decided to smile and nod and send out the invites, our wedding will be an opportunity to make new friends with extended family I met quite a few of these mystery folks at the engagement party they threw for us last month and they all seemed like nice people that were genuinely happy for us, so it could be worse.

junebug41 - Good to see you around these parts! Thanks I really do love the dress. Enjoy the China Study. Be prepared to never think about diet and nutrition the same way again.

DF picked out his tux, we decided on a restaurant for the rehearsal dinner. What's left to do? Oh, plenty

We made a couple initial contacts with potential officiants, so we'll be interviewing them soon. I have to get a chuppah patter to my mom so she can start sewing. Send deposit to the florist. Consider ditching flaky DJ and look for someone more reliable but likely more expensive. Meet with potential ceremony musicians (they are free on our date, so that's looking good so far). Get my bridesmaids to order their dresses by January. Get contract with rental company for chairs and tent (we've agreed on a vendor with the couple we're sharing the site and the cost with).

And a million other details (programs, ceremony details, catering, cake). In the car the other day DF said he'd forgotten to bug me about taking his name for a long time. I told him if he concedes to a veggie rehearsal dinner and reception (the previous compromise was veg rehearsal dinner only) then we can talk.

Interesting topic- who's changing their name? I'm changing my name 100%; no hyphen, no maiden name as middle name, no "stage name." Then again, my maiden name is 11 letters and his last name is 7. Forget feminism vs. tradition, simplicity made the decison for me

This will be done before our ceremony but I'm taking my partner's last name. This has always been the plan for us because it means so much to her. Also, we plan on giving our children her last name so I want all of us to have the same last name. I don't plan on using my maiden name as my middle name.
Next year in CA they are going to start allowing people who register as domestic partners to change their last names when they register instead of going through the court system. I'm wondering if this will be retroactive for couples who are already domestic partners? We've been "offical" since Sept 2005.

Shannon

I just finished the Conscious Bride and it tackled this issue. She talked about how it wasn't so long ago when women typically married before the age of 20 and had yet to establish their own identity and how now it's a tough issue for a lot of women because of marriage occuring later. Now, I'm only 25, but I've lived on my own and have established myself in my community and the music industry with my last name- not to mention I've always held tremendous pride about my last name- it's somewhat unusual and my family is very small and dwindling. DF's last name is ridiculously common. In fact, when I look at bridal mags, the examples they use for invitations and what-not is, in fact, what would be by new name! Needless to say, I'm stuggling with it. I'm reading about how to come to terms with it and may opt to keep it professionally, but I'm starting to understand the importance of the seperation of it and the sense of loss that comes with it, too.

Sorry, I just read a self help book. Probably not the "yes or no" you were looking for.

EDIT- I guess in short, I just really like my last name That's the issue with most women I know who hesitate to take their husband's last name. They just like their's better

That's another big one. I would certainly want my family to have the same last name. My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mom still carries her married name. It really made things so much easier as a single mom.

I am definitely changing my last name when I get married. My last name is very hard to pronouce, and my fiance's last name is easy to pronounce. I have been longing for an easy last name, and I will get my wish next year. I don't feel that I'll be losing any of my identity because my name doesn't really shape who I am. I'll be happy to have a common name that more people can pronouce and hopefully won't butcher on a daily basis.

I swore up and down that I was going to marry the first guy with the last name "Adams" after a lifetime of being at the bottom of the alpha order with 11 letters. That didn't work out but I did try to convince my fiance that we should both change our names! That didn't work either...

Shannon- I agree, the name change through the court thing is stupid. I hope the change is retroactive for you. As with so many things wedding, I swear it's just another way to get at your checkbook! And your time!

I am taking SO's last name mostly for the having kids and wanting the same last name reason.
When I was married in my early 20's I took his last name but I have more connections in my field and would keep my name for that reason but family is my priority.
My mother re-married when I was really young so I dont remember ever having the same last name and it was a headache when filling out forms and such.
I want my family to all have the same last name- and it means a lot to SO

Good afternoon all. So, my fiance and I went to check out our potential wedding site today. We want to get married at a winery in Virginia, about an hour from Washington and where we live in Northern Virginia. I have never been to the winery before, but he has been there for a wine tasting before and said it was really nice. I checked out their website and it looked nice, plus they have affordable wedding packages. Their website said you should make an appointment to talk to someone there about weddings, but they said that's only available on weekdays. I can't go on a weekday because of work, so I called to ask about coming on a weekend and was told they take "walk-ins" on Saturdays between 11-2. So, we went out there - I was intending to book the place and talk to someone about catering, flowers, that sort of thing. We got there, was showed around outside by someone, and was told that the lady we need to talk to should be getting there soon. So we waited around for about 30 minutes, and they told us she was on her way, blah blah blah. After waiting another 15 minutes, I told them I didn't want to wait any longer and wanted to fill out a contract without that lady. I hate waiting and waiting and waiting. They gave me some contract to fill out, but didn't even tell me what to write down and it was a bit confusing. Eventually the girl who had been helping us said I should just put my name and phone number and the lady would call me later. I was a little worried because when I called earlier that week they said you have to put a %50 deposit down to book a day, but she said that we didn't need to do that, and as long as we wrote the date we wanted on the paper I wrote my name and number then we shouldn't worry about losing that date. So, I left without putting a deposit down or really talking to anyone seriously about it.

I have to say I'm pretty pissed about it. We drove an hour out there and we didn't even get to really speak to anyone about details. My fiance said I need to not get so upset because we have a year to get all of the details set, but I don't care if we have 2 years - I wanted to leave with the security of knowing that we paid for that date and no one could take it away from me. I was told the lady would contact me in a few days (which probably means after Thanksgiving) and she would send me details and blah blah blah. I guess I can't do much more except wait, and give them a call after Thanksgiving if I haven't heard from them after the holiday. I probably shouldn't get upset but I was so hoping to get my date reserved, and even though the girl told me there should be no reason that I can't have the date I chose, I still don't feel great about it.

I hope the next year of planning isn't going to go as crappy as today went.

I had a question to ask: when do you send invitations out? We are getting married next October, so when do I send the invitations? I don't know much about wedding practices.

I'm sorry that they were such a disappointment! Wow, that's pretty bad... We had already put down our deposit when we met with the coordinator (the hotel where we are getting married is in my hometown and I'm extremely familiar with it)... well, she asked us for our deposit at the end of the meeting and then realized that she just had no idea who we were! So much for the personal experience, huh?

Just make sure you keep really good records- save every email and correspondence. It will get better and you will hit your stride!

As far as invites go- they say 2 months before the wedding, I think. We are slated for next August and because it's in a resort town and everyone is out of town, we are doing save-the-dates and encouraging making hotel reservations just after New Year's. We will get the invites out on the regular schedule, though.

Well, in my big slump last month I found a Maggie Sottero dress that I thought I liked enough to be the one... well, today I went out with reinforcements and I found the REAL one. I put down the deposit and everything! It's was slightly out of the price range, but I couldn't see getting another dress. Here it is:
http://www.t-mobilepictures.com/phot...91ndpvhpypovkz