Oh, well... if you're going to be crude, then so am I!
The Amazing Talking Clock
A very drunk man was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.
When they made it to the bedroom, they saw a big brass gong next to the bed. "What's a big brass gong doing in your bedroom?" one of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunken fellow replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the very drunk man.
"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch," the Irish drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You ******* - - - it's three o'clock in the morning!"