Saturday Snork for Us Northerners!
Stopped By Snowy Traffic On A Snarling Day, Getting Frosted
Jim Shea
March 12 2005
Thirty true things about being trapped in a snow-storm traffic jam:
There is only one driver on the road who is not a complete idiot - you.
Any snow plow that you see will be traveling in the opposite direction.
You will have to pee.
The car in front of you will never be going fast enough, and the car behind you will never be going slow enough.
You will conclude that people who do not have the proper snow tires on their vehicles should not only be fined but should also be shipped to foreign countries for torturing.
Giving someone the mitten just isn't as satisfying.
If you spin out, no matter how many times you go around, you will end up facing in the wrong direction.
You will never see a police officer outside of his car.
Your wiper blades, no matter how much you paid for them or how new they are, will ice up.
At some point you will be forced to get out of your car and beat the wipers against the windshield, which will result in the loss of at least one blade.
You will really, really have to pee.
It will dawn on you that the radio traffic reporters can't possibly know what is going on because they are stuck in traffic themselves.
You will reorganize your glove compartment.
After a while, listening to cancellations will become soothing.
If you are on your way to an event, it will be canceled just as you arrive.
You will wonder why snowfall is measured in inches and not miles per hour.
Gas will become an issue (both kinds).
Leaving the main road for an alternative route always turns out to be a bad idea.
You will pull a muscle in your neck trying to take off your coat.
The hot, dry air from the defroster will fuse your nasal passages shut.
Picking will be observed.
You will become alarmed by the condition of your car's interior and debate whether it would be safer to clean the car or buy a Haz-Mat suit.
Anything that has been going on your car will go.
You will seriously consider driving on the sidewalk.
You will run the numbers on buying a Hummer.
You will conclude that TV weather forecasters also should be shipped to foreign countries for torturing.
Your spouse will call wondering why you are late, and you will consider this grounds for divorce.
You will pound your head against the steering wheel.
You will pee.
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ROFLMAO - 
