Girls...I need some advice....

This weekend was full of drama with the in-laws...

DS just turned two and is starting to hit if he doesn't have the language to communicate what he needs. He never hits hard...but it looks bad...Apparently nobody else in the family (with 4 children) was a hitter so they think it is completely unfounded. I tried to explain that it is just a phase and that he was basically bred to play really rough by exposure to his older cousins who only play rough with him. I honestly didn't think it was fair to expect him to understand who he could and couldn't play rough with. If he does actually hurt somebody, he is very apologetic (kisses, hugs, offering his blanket to help calm them...) He's also hardly ever around that many kids at a time and that combined with the fact that he wasn't getting his naps all the time, or a regular bed time made for a kid that wasn't as in control of himself.

On Saturday, the entire family got together. One of the older grandkids (the one that plays rough with DS all the time) was holding a new baby. DS didn't realize it and jumped on his cousin from behind...he didn't hit the baby, but it scared her and looked really bad. My SIL looked at DH and asked if he was going to discipline DS for it...it was a toss-up, his heart was in the right place...he just wanted to play and wasn't able to realize that when she is holding the baby that it wasn't the right time to play. The rest of the meeting was rather awkward and I ended up just taking the rest of the day off from the family.

Fast forward to Sunday. We all went over to MIL's house in the afternoon. DS hadn't had a good nap and wasn't in a very good mood (6 solid days of not napping is bad bad bad for him :( ) When we first got there, I knew it would be a rough day because he was clumsy and was dropping big toys - to which his cousin yelled at him to stop dropped things...and he hit her...not hard, almost a push on the cheek. It still wasn't acceptable...so DH was about to take him out of the situation to calm down and "time out"....as he was leaving the room, FIL told us that "Calvin is much too violent....you need to change that"...DH tried to explain that he was a boy through and through, and he liked to play rough and that most of the time it wasn't a problem....FIL said that it was just something that wasn't acceptable and that we needed to change it because none of the other kids were rough with eachother when they were kids.

As we packed up to leave (how could we stay? It would be so awkward) he told us that leaving would be a mistake...whatever.

Duh. Could it be possible that kids are different? My SIL beats her kids into submission, and while we do spank occasionally....other ways of punishment work better for different things...overall he is a very good kid. I think violent is such a horrible way to describe a two year old that is hitting as a form of communication - whether it be "HI!" or "Gimme that toy!". It also had horrible implications on our parenting....which I've always felt was under scrutiny because of our family not being of the same belief system as them.

My husband's family are very legalistic Christians and on more than one occasion they have referred to my DS as a reprobate because DH and I are both considered apostates. Oy.....what a lovely thing for a 2 year old to hear from his grandfather. His family uses the bible to back up their preconceived thoughts about people. Aggravating as heck.....

Anyway, sorry for the book...I just have no idea what to do...DH is ready to write them off if they don't do something to right it...I need some advice..

I can't wait for our vacation to Minneapolis....

ya know what my first inclination is to cut ties with them till they can accept you as you are.
since your DH is on board with that, i say go for it.

tell them: "sorry our lifestyle and childrearing practices do not meet with your aprroval. to rectify the situation, we will no longer subject you to our heathen ways. Have a blessed life"

and move on.

but then i'm a mean one.

just because you share blood does not mean you have to share air space.

Good morning Busy day at work so not time for personals Just wanted to say Hi!

I really wish that I had time for personals this morning because it sounds like you all have some rough weekends, but right now I simply don't. Hopefully I'll have time this afternoon. But overall it sounds like it was not a fun weekend for most.

My weekend was VERY BUSY! Saturday was a good day with USO, shopping for a baby shower gift, a movie, and dinner and poker with good friends. Then yesterday started bright and early with dh, my mom, and I heading down to purchase MY NEW CAR!!!!:carrot::carrot::carrot: It's so pretty. It's a red Dodge Caliber '07. From the dealer we went to church, then to lunch with friends. From there we went walking around Old Town with the friends we went to lunch with. We came home and I headed out to grocery shop. Came home and left for an evening worship service, then out to dinner. We finally got home around 9:30. I made my food for today then went to bed. SO LONG and BUSY!!! And I didn't want to wake up today, so I missed my morning workout. AND to top it all off, TOM started last night. Is it wrong of me to be grateful that work is today and I can relax back into routine???

Anyhow...I'll try and get back later for personals. Have a great Monday, Ladies!
ENJOY!!!

Zeff...tricky situation with family...

My thoughts would be (after all the company leaves) is to go over and talk to your inlaws about this. Maybe you can tell them that (as of right now) Calvin is an only child and not used to being with other kids so much and becomes very exited when he gets to play with his cousins especially since he is not getting naps he is used to. At that age, excitement can really turn to "over stimulation" that can sometimes lead to behaviour that is not accepatable. Then ask them what they would do short of spankings that may help him to understand that it's not what he is supposed to do.

You don't have to do what they say, BUT, it will make them feel like you respect their opionion and want to involve them. Family is family and I would not cut them out of your life or your son's life. That way, you kind of put the ball in their court.

zeff - I wouldn't cut them out of your life but I would try to limit your time with them. I know how hard it is when kids are too young to understand and haven't had their normal naps. Brian got kicked out of day care when he was 13 months old. He was teething and didn't understand that biting was inappropriate. I moved him to a family day care with older kids and he did great. It is important to try to explain to your son that babies are fragile and hitting isn't appropriate especially since he will soon be a big brother. Good luck with the in-laws.

My weight is up a little. I think I had too many off plan and salty foods this weekend at the party. I wish TOM would arrive. I was regular when I was on the Pill but I ran out and am waiting for it to come so I can start up the pills again. I'm only a week late but I've been many months late before when I go off the Pill. At least I know there is no chance I can be pregnant!

With babies, DS is extremely gentle. He kisses them and tickles their bellies gently....it was only when the baby was on his cousin's lap and he wanted to play that he got confused.

I have no doubt that he will be gentle with his new baby sister or brother.

I know that DH is still very hurt by all of this, but I think that if we let it sit without dealing with it....we're going to be dealing with a **** of a lot of resentment as well...I'm going to talk to him about going over to his parents house tonight to talk to them. The hardest part about all of this is it is his parents...and so I don't really consider it my place to criticize something they said....although I think I may have to make an exception for this instance.

I really don't want to completely remove them from our lives, but I do think that we will be limiting the exposure that he has over there. The funny thing is is that DS doesn't have this problem with his other friends or playgroup kids....only with his cousins. Ugh....parenting is confusing.

Zeff, if ya'll end up moving to N.O. or B.R., then that little problem will be taken care. You can have short visits occasionally without having to be too close.

This kind of thing makes me want to move across the country instead of just across the state!

Just sitting down to a very hectic drive to the interview! I would of been there ten to fifteen minutes before the appointment, had the 390N not been closed due to an accident! I was caught in heavy traffic, sitting there for a good solid 20 minutes. So I called the lady I had the interview with and explained the situation. AFter they redirected me off a different exit I called her back for directions, but then some of the vehicles were continuing back on 390. In all the excitement I found myself following, only to be redirected to 590, so back on the phone for different directions! Talk about embarrasing! So on the way back home an hour and a half later the traffic was backed up even more so! (not in the direction I was heading, but in the north bound lane). I came online and found it was a school bus. http://www.whec.com/article/stories/....shtml?cat=565

Praise God everyone is suppose to live through this!

I'm gonna go relax, will try to get to your personals soon!

Hugs all.

Cottagebythesea- congratulations on little Maggie's b-day (your daughter?) Have a great time.

Mandyleigh- your concoction sounds delicious, I can have that on Phase 2 right? I made like a chocolate ricotta cheesecake with skim ricotta, eggs, vanilla extract, hershey's pure cocoa, and ew. It's not ... good. Then again it also seems over-baked. I should have just made the cream cheese kind... sounds like you had better luck making a yummy 'sweet' treat than I did.

Ruthxxx, I'm not sure if you mean a dog or cat, but my cats do that. It's gross.. They are very spoiled and untrained. It was mainly my black cat who died last week, she would lick pans clean if I left them out overnight. The other cats aren't as bad.. it's disgusting but I do miss it. Congrats on Disney (dog?) completing obedience training, perhaps I should enroll my cats. :p

BelleMer, congrats on losing 6 lbs on Phase 1. I'm on day 7 today, tried to ignore the scale until I'm done with Phase 1 because I know the ups and downs will discourage me. Hopefully I will have done as well as you have.

Loriann, good luck with your interview!

TwynnB, sometimes when I don't feel like working out, I tell myself I'll just do 15 minutes here, 15 minutes there, and then end up doing a full hour. Which, is a principle I need to apply today, because recently I haven't done any exercise due to the drama in my life. Some exercise would be very stress relieving.

Femmecreole, have fun with MIL.

Ladybugnessa, hope things get better with your husband.

Pacergal29, not that I'm married, but I know how bad in-law drama can get, lol. Hope things get better.

Weezle, good luck with the meds. Hope your Grandma is doing better!

Zeffryn, sorry to hear about the stuff that is going on with your son. But IMO, it is sooo not your in-laws business how to handle you and your DH's son! DH should stand up to them and tell them so (not insulting him by any means, I know how much pressure family members can put on people.) They just need to butt out, you and DH know what is best for DS. He doesn't sound violent to me at all, he just sounds like a normal 2 year old (terrible twos!) acting out because, like you said, he doesn't yet have all the words he needs to explain his feelings. I was just reading something about this in one of my baby mags a few weeks ago. It is not you and your husband's fault, no matter what those... people.... imply. Grandpa sounds rather like a... word I cannot express on this forum. SIL sounds like a biatche, beating one's children into submission is abuse and abuse breeds abuse! The more she beats them for misbehaving, the more they will misbehave as they become older... Ugh, family situations can get so sticky and hard to deal with. I feel for you.. I don't have any advice other than tell them to mind their damn business and choose what you feel is best for your son. You know what's best, not them. Stay strong. :D

I just read Ladybugnessa's reply to you and I agree... cutting ties might be the best way to rectify this until they learn to keep their mouths shut. Snide remarks and implied insults from the in-laws will only be a big stressor that you guys don't need. :) Or at least, DH should have a very long talk with them about what's appropriate and what's not.

Hmacneil76, have fun with the new car! Sounds beautiful. :D

I am on Day 7 of Phase 1 and staying strong. Was eating too many fats I believe, so yesterday watched it with an eagle's eye... realized I did not need to fry my turkey bacon in smart balance, the pan is non stick, and the bacon makes fat, also, I just used a cooking spray. BF's ex-wife stopped by to chat as we've been doing recently and this may sound odd but I think I've found a good friend in her... hope everything works out and they get their daughter back, not just for their sakes but for our combined children's sake; they deserve to grow up with their parents and siblings!

Have a great day everyone.

Quickie post for me as everytime I have come to post I get called away.

Had a great weekend with family amd friends it went by tooo fast.

Hope to check in later for personals

Melanie, do you have a microwave? If so, try just cooking the turkey bacon in there on a couple of paper towels, so you won't add any fat to it and the grease will get absorbed in the paper towel..and no pan to clean!

and no burns from popping bacon!

For what it's worth, I've known a lot of toddlers (I have 16 nieces/nephews/grandnephews), and I think every single one goes through phases of hitting and biting. It's just part of learning new abilities and boundaries. Of course you teach them not to, just like we teach them to use a toilet. But it is not something bad about any particular child. Obviously some children will do more of it than others, just like with every other trait. But they all do it. Parents just conveniently forget about what their child does or rationalize it away in their mind. I just cringe when people use a shaming kind of correction when toddlers hit or bite. They just have to learn that they can't do it, not be shamed about it. I think that actually makes it worse, because it becomes a battle of wills because self-esteem is pulled into it.