I am not sure if this should be posted here or not, but I have noone to talk to about this.So here it goes.
Has anyone just known that there spouse wasn't physicaly attracted to them anymore? Ever since our third baby was born I have had that feeling. I do have very good reasons to think this. I do have to admit that when I met him I weighed 125 lbs(5'7). After our second child I weighed 180 then I got pregnant with our 3 and when I went in to deliver this past may,I weighed 224. I now weigh 175. My stomach has become a bad sience project, serverly stretched out, that when I am done losing weight I am getting a tummy tuck. Any way to the reason why I know he isn't intersted any longer. This is pretty persinal, but like I said I have noone to talk to, most of my friends stoped talking to me after I started having children and the ones I do have don't have weight issues so they wouldn't understand. He looses interest in sex durring the act. Its happened quit a few times and it hurst me terribly. I have talked to him and he ays its not me he dosn't know why it happens and that he loves me and I am beautiful BLAH BLAH BLAH. I keep talking to him about it and he gets angry when I start saying its because hes not attracted to me anymore. I am so depressed that I cry alot and feel very unattractive. I am very selfcinciense. Even when I eat in front of him I feel discussting because I am afraid he is thinking"what a cow".
Anyway Thanks for letting me vent.
Before you start blaming this on yourself, you should consider the possibility that your husband may have another medical or psychological reason for losing his ability in the middle of the act. If you have an honest open relationship, then consider the fact that he might be telling the truth...that he is attracted to you. It sounds like you are the one trying to put words in his mouth, and that he hasn't blamed you for anything! When he compliments you, try to appreciate and believe it. It only hurts both of you if you argue about "what you think he might be thinking about you". He says he loves you...try to believe it. There are a lot of women out there whose husbands are telling them much worse things every day..that they are ugly, lazy, useless.
You may want to see if he might see his physician and then maybe a counselor if it seems to be a psychological issue and not a strictly medical one. There can be a lot of different reasons why men have difficulty performing. Some women lose interest in sex after having kids, and it has nothing to do with their love/attraction to their husbands. I'd explore the issue further before you start beating down your self esteem unnecessarily. Continue doing your exercise and healthy eating to help you feel better about yourself.
I don't mean to sound trite, and I do know the feeling of what you're going through, because I've been there. But the truth is that what you describe DOES happen to most men at some point--either they can't get ready in the first place, or they lose ability in the middle. I do agree, however, that he should see a doctor.
And yes, you should definitely talk about this here, or about anything else that's troubling you. We're all here to give and receive support, and life isn't just about weight. *hugs*
I had the same worries when this happened with my DH. I thought it was because I was overweight and not "sexy" anymore. It wasn't. I'm pretty darn hot now (that's what he says) and it still happens. It's his problem not mine. He did go to a Dr. and was told he had an "enlarged prostate" but never followed up with a urologist like he was supposed to. I also noticed if he drinks beer the problem is worse. Or if he is physically tired from working too much this might occur. Please don't blame yourself. I know it's hard, but he should see a Dr. and follow through.
Wanna Im so sorry this is happening and please stop being so hard on yourself and trust me when i say your stomach and the strech marks are just your body doing what god intended women to do give birth to beatiful children, sorry if im dwelling but let me tell you that it's natural for us to get strech marks and men actully find them attractive call me crazy but you BOTH made those babies and you need to stop looking at your body like its the enemy just do baby steps to getting comfortable in your skin I know this sounds crazy but i was in a very abusive relationship with my kid's dad Verbal and Physical now when i found the streghth to run from him i had to learn to love myself it was the hardest thing i've ever done ( being told every day for the past nine years that your fat ugly and no body would ever love me ) but every day i would look in the mirror and tell myself how beatiful i was and that i am a great woman and mother start praising your self IT DOES HELP trust me when a freind of mine told me to do it i thought she was crazy, well she's not and it worked for me
If he really wasn't interested in you, he wouldn't start in the first place. The fact that he can't finish means that it is his problem not yours. Lots of men have that problem. Is he taking any kind of medication? Many meds cause a similar reaction. If not, he should have his prostrate checked.
Second, you have lost a lot of weight! You are down to 175 and still working. That is great! Keep on working: diet and excercise. You'll get to a place where you can feel good about yourself. (It doesn't have to be back at 125!)
Stop beating yourself up!! Have you ever heard the song or seen the video to "One Hot Mama" by Trace Adkins? Well I sometimes feel very unattractive too, just like most women. One day I actually said it outloud to my DH. I thought he was gonna flip out on me. Anyway, the next time that video came on the tube he made me come in and watch it with him, and then proceded to tell me that the video shows EXACTLY how men think! It flips back and forth between what the audience sees - a mom who's not in the best of shape, frazzled, hair knotted up on the top of her head because it's easiest, chasing a couple kiddos around, and with a stain on her shirt no less. It goes from that lovely image....which again is most of us....to what the husband sees when he looks at her....One Hot Mama....with the hair all done up, sexy makeup, sexy outfit and all. DH insists that this is how men see their wives, no matter how the woman feels. So, whenever I'm bummed, I think about that video.....it helps!
My ex had problems and I took it personal too because I was sensitive about my weight. I think the more pressure he has to 'do well' the harder it is for them to keep it once they have been psyched out about it before. I know how ya feel and how devastating it is. More than likely it is how you feel and it adds pressure to him, it's a vicious cycle. Don't worry about it too much and try to be gentle with him. Good luck!
This is a good area to post this, because you need support. I don't really have any advice for you.. Just know that I'm thinking of you and I wish you the best! Take care of those 3 children of yours!
I just had a baby in January. Where in Indiana do you live?
You know, I have had a friend recently who was going through the exact same issue. My friend was very attracted to his boyfriend, but he wasn't able to follow sex through to its completion. BUT, it truly had nothing to do with his boyfriend at all. HE was going through some emotional issues of his own that were spilling over into his relationship and causing this problem.
So, don't beat yourself up. Instead, focus on paying attention to the things your husband is going through, and maybe you guys can work together on a solution so that you can get back in sync in the bedroom! Good luck!
pgray1229,I live in Wheatfield about 20 min from Valpo. Congrats on the baby! To everyone,Thank you so much! I have asked him to see a Dr.,but he won't. I will keep on him,not in a bad way,to see a Dr.I do in some way believe him when he compliments me, I try so hard not to let it bother me.Thank you everyone!
Jessica
I agree with everyone else. I had an ex who had an issue with this also, and thought it was me. The thing is.. if you bring it up to him and tell him you think it's YOU.. oh it does start a vicious cycle. He might think about it and worry as things are progressing and then.. uh oh.
I agree on the point that was made.. if he was not interested, he would not be there to 'start' with you.
My boyfriend and I aren't at this stage yet, by any means. We've been together for 3 years, but he and I are 19, so we're not having that problem, but I can relate to you because, sometimes I feel that he see's me as a fat blob. Whenever we watch TV together or are at the beach, and a really nice looking woman walks by, with a perfect body, I feel like crap and I wonder if he wishes I were like that. When I ask him, he always tells me that he only has eyes for me, and all of that, but I can't help but think that it is a lie. My boyfriend is not overweight at all, in fact he is very muscular and girls will hit on him a lot, especially when he is at work and stuff, and I hate it because I feel like they are a threat since they have cute little bodies, and I am well.... voluptuous.... but I just have to grit down and bare the fact that, despite how I feel about myself, he loves me and my body, and doesn't even think about those gals...
It's hard, I know... but your hubby loves you, because if he didn't, and if he didn't find you attractive, he wouldn't even try, so don't let it get to you girl!!!
Take care, ladies!
I'm sorry to hear this. I bet if you confront him about it, it might (It could go either way, actually..) help you in terms of not keeping it to yourself. I'm never quite sure about these situations because I'm not married with kids, but nonetheless, I feel for you. Be strong! You'll always get support from us!
I've always heard that the most attractive quality in a woman is confidence. I wonder if a woman is constantly reminding her spouse/boyfriend that she doesn't feel beautiful might have an affect on a relationship. I don't know, but it is just a thought. It sounds like your husband isn't annoyed at this point with you telling him that he doesn't find you attractive, but you might want to take care with this...of course this all depends on both of your personalities and his reaction to the question. From what you've described, I don't think that he's not attracted to you.
Feeling Depressed
Good luck!
