This may all sound petty and I know I come here a lot to complain and blah blah blah hahaha BUT here goes....
I spent over a year honestly losing my weight in a healthy manner by reducing the amount I was consuming (which was an ENORMOUS amount) and increasing my physical activity. I did it in a reasonable way, never going below 1500 cals/day and even that was only for a couple of months after which I raised it. I'm constantly eating small amounts and I feel great. I don't believe I look sickly and I'm a good weight for my height, 140-145 at 5'6". I got SO much flack while I was losing weight and even while trying to maintain that I was "doing something to myself", "becoming anorexic", "prove to me that you're eating", "don't lose any more weight", "you look anorexic, are you ok?" etc, you name it, it was said to me.
My mother did a lot of this to me. I avoided her for a while b/c she was even giving me up and down nasty looks. Now she's lost quite a bit of weight using a commercial program and that's great for her, but I really don't appreciate all the h&ll people gave me while losing and even still.
Why is it ok for someone else to do it but not me? Because I'm not on some commercial program? Because I figured it out for myself? (I have nothing against commercial weight loss programs)
I am so tempted to say something to her just so she realizes what she put me through (she hasn't been doing it anymore) but we have a family member in the hospital in critical condition so I probably shouldn't do it right now.
I'm really happy for her that she wanted to lose weight, but why did she give ME such a hard time when I was doing it? She has even said things like "Being stressed out-it's a good diet because it makes me not want to eat (meaning her)"
Isn't THAT the disordered thinking? OK, just had to vent.
I totally know how you are feeling, I have crohn's disease and for a while before we knew what it was I was really sick and skinny. Everyone was always all over me about eating and didn't believe that I didn't want to eat beacause I REALLY wasn't feeling well.
Now that I am on the right medication, I have put on all sorts of weight and its impossible to take off.
I feel your pain
I was just at a party last weekend where someone said to me "Is that chocolate chip cookie on your diet" as I walked through a room eating a cookie, and when I politely refused a peice of cake I was told by another friend "Don't sit by me, you might gain weight just by SITTING by my piece of cake."
I guess I just try not to let it bother me. I think a lot of times it is the other people's low self-esteem and unhappiness with themselves that makes them say mean comments. I have certainly confronted people before and pointed out how hurtful their comments were, but I also try not to let them bother me because only I can control what I let bother me.
My personal advice, use your pride in your accomplishments along WITH their comments to fuel your desire to continue living a healthy lifestyle. Try smiling at them and saying "Gee, thanks" and walking away next time.
I know that when I was overweight, it sometimes bothered me to see people successfully dieting and controlling what they ate. Seeing them reminded me that I was responsible for my weight and that it wasn't something that was out of my control. Because I was unhappy with myself but hadn't done anything about it, seeing them would make me feel guilty about what I was eating and my lifestyle choices.
When people make negative comments about your diet, I suspect they are trying to make themselves feel better about their own choices. By implying that what you are doing is unhealthy, they are trying to reassure themselves that their own choices around food/lifestyle are ok.
My Mother never came out and said I was fat while growing up, but she would comment, while clothes shopping, but saying things such as "you'd have to be really skinny to wear something like that". I don't know if she understood what she was doing or not. Anyway, now I've lost 30 pounds and I went to visit her and she was all over me asking what I weighed. I had to finally say, "Mom, maybe I've lost 30 pounds, but do you realize that I weighed 173 when I started?" She thinks that my goal of 135 is too low--coming from her who all her life at 5'9" weighed no more than 130! She's shrunk a bit now and is closer to 120 and eats next to nothing. I just don't know what it is with some people! And yes, I get a lot of those "don't lose too much, you'll blow away" comments, too. All I can say is:
If you're doing it the way you want to, and you're doing it to make yourself healthy, don't listen to the petty comments other people make!
Wow, that sounds really difficult having to live w/a chronic illness. I'm sorry about that.
Hart104- that is so ridiculous! OK, so which way do they want it? Should you eat the junk or NOT eat it? LOL
Either way, you get a stupid comment.
It's about choices, not what's permitted or forbidden! Duh!
If I can come to that conclusion, why can't the rest of the world?
Oh, there have been quite a few posts on 3FC about our closest loved ones resenting and/or sabotaging weight-loss efforts! In your mother's case, it sounds like she was upset because you were doing it successfully and she wasn't.
I have an aunt who could stand to lose a few pounds, and she's made snide and inappropriate comments to me all along ... dropping off foods that are clearly not healthy, never acknowledging my efforts, telling me it'll all come back on because I'm not doing it the healthy way. Clearly, people sending out negative messages have their OWN issues. People (overweight or not) who have a healthy self-esteem are usually supportive and encouraging.
I had to learn to let others' comments be water off a duck's back.
I have gotten many of these same comments from family members. I try my best to just ignore them. As for your mother, I wouldn't bring it up now that she has stopped saying them. JMHO
I am dealing with this too. I'm getting married in April, and both my mom and my sister have been like "I need to lose weight, you're going to be skinnier than me at the wedding"...then sending CHOCOLATES for fiance's birthday, making lots of "you're getting obsessed" and "its just one day" comments, etc.
My sister is really good at motivating...so I said to her one day "I'm not feeling the gym, give me some motivation". And she was like "Oh, you don't need to go today, you're doing so well, take a day off....". GRR.
They are also getting obsessed with my body shape. There are some genetic things that the women in my family get (cankles, big butts, etc) that i seem to have escaped (you couldn't tell underneath the fat I was carrying!). Everyone keeps freaking out that I am going to have a better body than they are and getting really defensive about it, then sabotaging in subtle ways.
I've done a lot of research on family systems and how they work - basically, everyone in a family has a different role that they fill. When one person starts to change their role, everyone else gets put into chaos and starts sabotaging to try to get everyones roles back to "normal". So everyone wants to get me back to being the fat, trainwreck member of the family. For some reason, understanding this has made it easier for me to stay on track...I don't want to be in that role anymore, no matter how much anyone else wants me to be in it.
I have no answers because I've never maintained a loss long enough or lost enough in the first place to get the point where these comments would result. However, I appreciate your sharing, because I do plan to lose enough this time and maintain it for long enough. So, I'll have time to plan appropriate responses. I've always been "big boned" (whatever, mom). I'm tall and have always been athletic. My sister is a good four inches shorter than I am and has always been thinner (who cares if she's 3 times as neurotic. SHE'S SKINNY!). Anyway, I anticipate some trouble as I change roles.
I've done a lot of research on family systems and how they work - basically, everyone in a family has a different role that they fill. When one person starts to change their role, everyone else gets put into chaos and starts sabotaging to try to get everyones roles back to "normal".
OMG, I never knew this for sure, but I totally suspected something like this!
Has anyone noticed that in our socety people have NO PROBLEM voicing their opinion about someone's weightloss/diet when they are "getting/are slim" but when a person is overweight NO ONE says anything out of fear of "hurting" that person or "emabarrassing" them.... WTF!!!! it annoys me!
Lipidful: I think your mom was a bit jealous of your success (proof with her own commercial weight loss). maybe sit down with her and have a heart to heart about how see made you feel. Don't stoop to her level by saying hurtful things to her like she did you. Also, if she didn't say things when you were heavier, ask her why she felt it ok to say things when the weight was coming off...
resisting urge to say something
BUT here goes....
