[hamsterunited]

Very glad that I found this forum...
I badly need to lose weight here... currently weighing at 90kg which is about 198lbs... need to drop to 60kg (132lbs) in 4 months.. my boyfriend gave me a 65kg mark to reach before marriage.... is it possible to lose so much weight in 4 months? Any advise? I just started on my diet yesterday... went for a slow jog... does doing slow jogs 3 times a week help? or do I need to do it on a daily basis?

[hotnewspirits]

your boyfriend won't marry you until you lose this weight?

[artmaker]

Your goal is not a realistic one. A good weight loss regime would be to lose a pound, or pound and a half at the most a week, maybe more at your weight level....but you should be losing it for YOU, because you want to....that's what it should be, not for him. Eat sensibly, 5-6 small meals per day. Cut out sugars, refined starches, stick to lots of vegetables and fruit and lean protein.

Jogging is ok, but if you've never jogged before you want to start slowly so that you don't hurt yourself. You might want to add some weight lifting 2 to three times a week, to build muscle and speed up your metabolism. Check your local library for books on beginning weight lifting, and how to begin running programs. While the wedding is a short term goal, think about going for a long term goal, but again, do it for yourself and not for anyone else.

Good luck

[JerseyGyrl]

I am really really confused here. Do I understand your post correctly...your boyfriend is asking you to lose weight before your wedding??

When I was in high school, I had a friend who's boyfriend refused to give her an engagement ring until she lost a certain amount of weight. She did it. They ended up getting married and they had a baby girl. Not long after the baby was born, due to her weight gain...he left her...today they are divorced.

If ANYONE doesn't accept you for who you are...they are NOT worth your time!!!

All the best to you!

Kim

[Tara D]

I think it's wonderful that you have made a committment to exercise and being healthy! However, you didn't go much into the story between you and your boyfriend. It kind of sounds like one of those "big red flags" if he is demanding that you lose weight before the wedding. What happens if you gain it back? Is this going to be a constant source of stress for you in a new marriage? I don't know the situation, and there's probably more to it, but it just worried me a little.

[DebbieII]

STOP!!!! You are making a huge mistake if you allow your boyfriend to do this to you. I had, a husband who said things like that, believe me it won't work. You will end up feeling horrilbe about yourself when you can't live up to the standards he sets for you. You have to do it for YOU.

[hamsterunited]

Thanks everyone for your replies... I also want to lose as much weight as possible and I think 60kg is an ideal weight for me... I want to look good (I'm sick and tired of being labelled as fat and poked fun at)... my bf wants me to lose weight for my own good....

[penpal]

I'm afraid losing 60+ lbs. in 4 months may be very difficult.

What are you going to do after you've lost the weight? If you haven't made a lifestyle change the weight will come back within a matter of months - what will your boyfriend (then husband) have to say about that?

As others have posted, a loss of 1-2 lbs. maximum per week is advisable.

Your boyfriend sounds very controlling. He says it's for your own good, but unless you really want to lose the weight and are prepared to make the necessary permanent lifestyle changes you will both be disappointed.

Perhaps you can explain to your fiance that losing weight slowly but surely would be the better way to go.

Good luck in your weight loss efforts .

[sept15lija]

I totally agree with the previous posters. I really hope your BF wants to support you in your weight loss because of your health, but that being said he needs to realize that only you can make the decision to lose weight. What about down the road, if you choose to have children? Most likely you will gain a bit of weight. Is that going to cause a rift? Your BF should accept you and love you completely for who you are, and that includes the extra 60 pounds right now.

I think losing that much weight in 4 months is not realistic. Like everyone else mentioned, try for a reasonable loss of 1-2 lbs per week. Good luck to you!

[Abbeycat36]

Hi

I think the amount of weight you want to lose in 4 months is too much for that amount of time. It's kind of a tough regimen that would allow that to happen. You'd probably have to do things that are not recommended and will ruin your metabolism. It likely won't stay off.

I'm a former "starve it off" person who also used to have a boyfriend that told me I wasn't going to cut it unless I lost the weight "for my own good" of course. Oh, he IS right, isn't he? Yes, that's how he slowly brainwashed me into believing his way of thinking too... logic.

It's hard to tell from a few words that this is actually what is going on in your case. I hope the situation really isn't that way for you.

I looked at your blog and I saw that you are eating little food, and some of it (when you are eating) is stuff like fried chicken. Eating less food, bad food, not the best ways to get weight off. Eat less food, QUALITY food, and you will lose. But don't eat so little that you will starve your muscle away. Regardless of what I feel about men or women who try to make their significant other be a mold of their desire... you will harm your body and possibly gain the weight back.

IF it is truly _Your_ desire to be thin to fit into your wedding dress of your dreams, rather than what I assume is going on... why don't you just move your wedding date up a couple of months instead. Then you can take time to do more research into what will work well, and you can keep it going in a healthy way. Just my 10 cents

Best wishes to you hun I hope it all works out for you.

[hamsterunited]

I really want to slim down... look good... cos I've always been the butt of jokes... I am from an Asian country where FAT = UGLY... moreover, every single one of my family member (cousins included) are all underweight.... turned out that I was the only one that is grossly overweight... and there are always weird stares when taking public transport....

Thanks for all the advice so far... I will stick to more healthy and soupy foods from now on.... I hope to go down as much as I can... btw, swimming or jogging is better for reducing weight? When I swim, I tend to be more hungry then ever...

[code red]

I am brand new to this site but a lifetime dieter! I understand your desire to make the dream of the perfect bride and the perfect wedding come true. We all want to be thin now. Instead I would encourage you to work toward being the healthiest you can be. If you start eating a healthy diet and increase your activity --you will lose weight. You will also have increased energy and a greater sense of self worth as you exercise self discipline. You may not be as thin as you want on your wedding day but you will be a vital, healthy bride. You will have begun a journey that you can continue with your love. You can both acknowledge what is really important (and I don,t think it is the number on the scale). Good luck on your journey!

[ZedAus]

I'm still not convinced that your boyfriend is telling you to lose weight for YOUR benefit, but only you know what he has said to you, so I won't get into that too much. I WILL say that my husband met me when I was really big and loved me that way, and still loves me now that I am smaller. I love that my size doesn't affect his feelings for me. I wish you had someone like that.

I read your blog and the amount you are eating scares me. You truly aren't feeding your body enough, especially if you plan on exercising. As someone has already mentioned, you are not eating anywhere near enough, and what you ARE eating is not that good. I don't agree that you have to eat less, but I believe you have to eat 'better'. I eat a LOT of food, but it is mostly 'clean', in that I eat very little processed food. I eat heaps of fruit and vegetables. You should never have to feel hungry if you eat the right foods. I found that advice from a dietician helped a lot.

I wouldn't suggest that you continue with the jogging, seeing as it is obviously causing you a number of aches and pains. I would try walking at first, and only increasing the pace once your body is used to it. You will find that you can build up to jogging, but it won't cause as much stress on your body.

I also believe that you will not be able to lose the amount you originally planned and hopefully you will be happy with a smaller rate of loss and added health benefits along the way.

I wish you the best for your journey.

Zelma

[aphil]

Okay...60 pounds in 4 months is:

~VERY UNHEALTHY

and


~PRETTY MUCH IMPOSSIBLE

This would be about 15 pounds per month. A reasonable and healthy goal for 4 months would be about 15-30 pounds (TOPS!!!) A healthy rate of weight loss is 1/2 to 2 pounds per WEEK. Your goal is about 4 pounds per week-or double that.

Let *me* tell you something for your own good. Extremely rapid weight loss doesn't stay off. This means-if you somehow magically *did* manage to lose 60 pounds by your wedding-it would be coming right back on with some extra friends. You did not make a permanent "lifestyle change" to keep this weight off for life. Would you rather lose 60 pounds in an unhealthy way-and a year from now be just as fat as you were when you started...or would you rather lose 15, 20, or 30 pounds...and keep it off FOREVER? Why lose the weight if it isn't going to stay off???? You MUST learn lifestyle changes...change the small things you do or don't do each day that MADE you fat in the first place. This is the only way that you are going to make the lifetime changes to stay slim.

Also...rapid, unhealthy weight loss can lead to a lot of potential health problems. Hair loss, fatigue, dizziness...GALLSTONES. These are just a few. You could be 60 pounds thinner...but you could also be in the hospital having gallbladder surgery, and be half bald.

One more thing-rapid weight loss that is not done in a healthy way means that you are going to lose a lot of muscle mass in your body. This is what you want to KEEP. Healthy weight loss done by eating a healthy diet, and doing proper amounts of exercise will result in more fat loss, and help in keeping your muscle mass.

Your boyfriend is NOT your boss. You should learn that right now before it is too late. If you let him "set your weight" for you...what else do you let him do? Big warning sign here...trust me on this. My mother was in an abusive relationship for almost a decade. No man will EVER tell me what I can and can't do...or tell me that something is "for my own good". By agreeing to this weight "mark" and starting a drastic unhealthy diet...you have sent him the message that it is "okay" to treat you this way. If you LET someone treat you this way, and you don't do anything about it-you are giving them permission to do it again. People will only treat you as badly as you LET them. This is 100% true.

A perfect example of this was a comment that my grandfather made to my grandmother a few years back. He made a comment that she wasn't as big when he married her. Did she get upset and go on a diet? No-she retorted right back that when she married HIM
that he had a full head of hair and his natural teeth, and went on about her business!

If you are unhappy and want to lose weight-do it for YOURSELF. Not for him. Do it in a healthy way that will produce healthy results, and help you to learn the things it takes to keep it off for life. You are a human being, and a wonderful individual. Don't be a pushover to this man...or to anyone else. It isn't worth it to live life that way.

[hamsterunited]

I'm really thankful for all of your advice... I will not put a date as to when I will hit 60kg.. for the time being, I want to change my lifestyle first... watch the food that I eat and exercise regularly... I should be able to reduce my weight rite?