My poor daughter was dumped by her boyfriend and i'm so furious at the how he did it! He told her in July that was busy and that he wouldn't be able to see her as often. She excepted this and worked and they talked often. Well she found out last night that it was because he had a new gf and he was 'keeping her on the side'. So now I have all the peices to pick up, she is so devasted. I don't know what to say to her.. any advice????
I am so sorry for you daughter! Unfortunatly there isn't a whole lot that you can do. When my daughter got dumped by her very first BF she was devestated! All I could do is be there for her with a ear, shoulder and plenty of hugs when she needed them.
Good luck and I hope that she sees that he isn't worth all the pain that she is going through right now!!
Wow, that is horrible...
My mom however never talked to me about boys or anything else. She really never approved of me dating anyway. But whatever emotions I felt I always had to keep them inside. I think probably the best thing is what you're doing already you're showing your daughter you care and you support her...
I would have been so happy if my mom wanted to know about my experiences growing up...and heck, even now! But she is still very closed minded and shows no interest in my relationships and generally closes me out if I do bring something up.
Your poor daughter. I was dumped like that when I was 19 and it broke my heart. Mr grandmother, who never really told me anything about her teenage years wrote me a letter and said "your mother and I have wasted many a tear over a young man, and dear, they are just not worth it. No man is worth a woman's tears"
It's stuck with me every since.
It's not diet friendly, but plenty of chocolate, some sad dvd's, and a box of man size tissues and perhaps, if the budget allows, a shopping trip to buy a knock em dead outfit.
Ugh, men. I know she must Relly be hurting right now. Nothing hurts more than being betrayed and lied to like that.
I think the best thing you can do is just be there for her to talk and hug and let her cry on your shoulder if she needs it. When I was going though my break up, I took it hard.. very very hard. I lived with my father so I really didn't have anyone to talk to so I moved in with my best friend and her family for a week or so, her mother was VERY understanding (being she thinks of me as her daughter, as she has known me fore 13 years) .. she let me stay with them and she sat up and talked to me for as long as I needed it.
I know the last thing your daughter wants to hear is how she will feel better in time. But really.... it's true. I never thought i would ever get over being set aside like I was, but i did. And your daughter will to. It may take a few weeks, or months.. but one morning she'll wake up and have no more tears to cry.
It's always important to let her know that it's going to be okay and that she still has the people who will never let her down and never stop loving her. Her family...
I remember a couple years ago, a guy I thought was my boyfriend turned out to have just been leading me on. He got married behind my back and finally told me about it a month afterwards. I know how your daughter's feeling right now.
All I can say is that she should surround herself with people that she knows care about her. Anybody who would cheat on you isn't worth your time or your tears.
Allow her to have a day of mourning, then get her out of the house and keep her busy. I had mine doing all sorts of things for a couple of weeks (from sports, shopping, movies, etc), and as much as she hated it (and probably hated me at the time for making her do these things), she admitted that it was the best thing in the world for her. By the sixth day, she started to smile again (without tears), a few days later, she started laughing again. She also returned phone calls to friends she had neglected because of being with this guy, and is now having the time of her life. She has even started to like a couple of other guys that have shown a bit of interest towards her.
Oh, and one other thing, seeing that we're all here because we all obviously are overweight or maintaining- one thing I didn't let her do, was over indulge in food. Instead of buying her that chocolate to feel better like our Mom's might have done, I bought her a notepad and pen, to write down her feelings. I told her to tear it up after she wrote her feelings down if she wished, when she was done. When she was feeling angry, I told her to take it out on the stationary bike, lol. In other words, I don't want her picking up the bad habit that I have- eating when I am hurt, scared, or stressed out. It would have been so easy to buy her her favorite Snickers chocolate cake and down it with her, but I felt that the best way for her to get over this was in a healthy, busy manner. Heck, do a craft with her, anything to keep her mind off her pain and busy.
Hugs to you and your daughter. I hope she will be ok soon, it is so heartbreaking watching our kids go through this pain!
I honestly think that one of the best things you can do for her is to make sure she knows that not all guys are so selfish and untrustworthy. There are a lot of good ones out there that are deserving of her attention. Just reassure her that his behavior is a reflection of HIS character, not of HERS.
Aside from that, I agree that you should keep her busy. Not so much too get her mind off of him but to remind her that her fun doesn't begin and end with this one guy. Let her talk about it all she wants but don't let her miss out on all of the other wonderful things life has to offer while she mulls over the experience.
Tell her that no matter what happens ever, she can come to you... This is what any child will want to hear and live fearlessly come what may!
My dad said this to me when I first told him about my bf (now hubby) and I felt so good and confident in life after that! Problems will come in everyone's life but with some support and love, its gets easier to deal with!
thanx everyone!!!!
I did what you all said... made her confident that it wasn't her, told her that not all guys are jerks. I hugged her, kissed her and told her I was there if she needed to talk... I am very close to her, so her pain is my pain..
She has been mopey and pretty much on the couch. Her good friend saw her last night and i'm sure she vented to her...
I remember my mom saying somthing to me when I was a teen and horribly upset over a guy. she said "you are way to special to waste your time on a guy who treats women badly. Its hard for you to see right now, but you will find someone who will treat you like a queen. You just have to go through the bad ones to find your prince"-- I am 25 now and in a amazing relationship with someone who truly treats me like a queen!
it really hard to know what to say in a situation like this because the guy has given all men a bad rep in your daughters eyes...i think the best advice is to just listen and tell her that she has to weed out the bad to find the good and to stand firm on the qualities she wants and to not lower her standards...that way she will not waste her time with the jerks.
My little girl was dumped....
