My boyfriend and I just broke up. We were just short of being together 2 years and Im so upset right now. Before him I spent 3 years in a relationship that ended. Im turning 30 in a couple weeks and Ive never been married, and Im beginning to think I never will. I never really thought that that was too important until the last year or so, and now Im devestated.
We havent been doing great for a while. Its partially my fault though. I fear change. For someone who fears change you would think I would dread the idea of marriage. He didnt like my job (my boss treats me badly and pays me wages that I can barely live on, even though I work 7 days a week and completely run his buisiness) He has been on me to find another job awhile.
But Im in school full time(with a 3.7 GPA), and until about 2 months ago, I didnt have a car that worked well. Well I guess he was of sick my struggles.
I am a single mother who works full time and goes to school full time. My life is stressful and tiring.
It's depressing, Im attractive, and loving, and I cant keep my relaionships. All because My life is so screwed up. Its not for lack of hard work, its just that I dont have any support. When I was 18, I was booted out of the house, no chance to go to college and get an education, I had to get a job, find a place to live and get a car. Ive never had a decent car (until a couple months ago). I feel like such a looser.
I havent done anything good this year except complete my first year of college. And in exchange for that I gained 20 pounds, Im not so sure the trade off is worth it. I feel so worthless. In a way, I look at my life and I cant blame him for leaving. Im just so sad.
Do you have anyone that you can talk to in "real life"? I think you need to share these feelings with someone. It's sounds like you're really depressed, and I'm concerned about you. Things may look better to you in time, but you sound at the end of your rope right now. I hope that things improve for you...
Hmmm....Sounds like someone I know.....Oh yeah, ME! I am now 34 but only 4 short years ago I was on my own out of a very bad 6 year relationship/marriage- (only 10 months) I too have been on my own since 18, no real parents or support to speak of, had my DS #1 at 20. About a year out of the marriage I thought I had met THE ONE!!! OMG I had never been so in love , ever! The week before my 30th Bday he just completely BLINDSIDED me. We where talking marriage..had just returned from vacation. He called and told me its just not working out. No REAL reason. I thought I'd die. My son adored him (DS never liked anyone!) It took me 2 years to get over it. Oh sure Boner was still calling...trying to reconcile, like I could EVER trust such a fickle *** like that! And I know now that Boner did me the BIGGEST favor of my life. I have since (in the four years) married the most wonderful, kind, patient, intelligent, successful man that chased me for three years! He was determined! I was distrusting. He won....and I'm SO very glad he did. We had our 1st son in Feb. In short, you'll be ok, you'll prolly be better than ok.
I have a few friends in life, but the one I talk the most doesnt know what to do. She knows Ive just had a string of bad luck, most things out of my control.
I have struggled since I was 18, thats 12 years of hard times. Quite honestly Im exhausted. Im so tired of the struggle. Most of the time I keep my emotions about all of it under control - but then there are times like this......I wont go to sleep, Im going to be up all night crying.
Well.gosh you should be exhausted wirh all you have going on.A full time job, full time school and raising a child and until recently a relationship. I got tired reading about it. I suggest you see a doctor and get a checkup, and tell him about your feelings of sadness. Try giving your self some pep talks you are not a loser , you are not worthless. You are a worthy person who deserves better on life. Good luck.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. You have done amazing things this year! I agree you should see someone about your feelings. Sometimes overwhelming sadness can be helped medically. Other than that, cut yourself some slack!! Focus on the kiddo and school and things will work out.
Having been a single mom going to school and working for years, I know it's hard. And you're tired of struggling. But if you get so tired of the struggle that you give up on school, you'll be struggling the rest of your life. You're in the right place right now, as hard as it seems. Because it won't be as much of a struggle when you can choose your job, and have the pay to show for it. And...there's no rush to get married. My hubby waited until he was 45.
(((((HUGS))))) to you sweetie. Don't be so hard on yourself. You say you haven't accomplished anything in the last year???? Ummm, you have gone to college for a year, you are raising a child and you are working that is a lot for anyone to handle. I would say you have a accomplished a lot. I am sorry about the break up but sometimes things were meant to be. You WILL find that special person to share your life with one day. Maybe right now you should just focus on school, work and your child.
I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. Please don't give up hope! I didn't meet the "man of my dreams" until I was 33!
You are doing great to be a single mother, work full-time and go to school full-time AND have a 3.7GPA! WOW! You sound like an amazing person!!! There is some man out there, somewhere, who will really appreciate you!
Don't blame yourself for a failed relationship/relationships. It just wasn't the RIGHT relationship for you. Life may be "screwed up". But a good relationship will survive and thrive in the good and the bad times.
I want to say that you DO NOT want to be with someonw who will not support you in the good AND THE BAD! I think this break up may be a blessing in disguise...
Yo are not a loser!!!! you have a beautiful child that loves you, you have finished your first year of college (all the while raising a child AND working full time!! that to me is HUGE!!!)...
is there any like "mom" groups you can go to?? here in canada we have free "play" groups (play time for the kids, and talk time for the parents...) I would think you community would have something similar...
Maybe it is time to focus on yourself and your child and put relationships to the side (for now)...it always seems that when you don't "want it' the dream guy comes out of no where
Oh golly, what woman hasn't been in your boat with a man - we all know that heartbroken feeling! God knows I do. I remember crying for DAYS over some guys! (some whose names I can't even remember now LOL)
BUT! You have a lot to be proud of so please don't feel worthless! Finishing your first year in college is a huge accomplishment - one that will outweigh (no pun intended) those 20 lbs for the rest of your life.
Please seek some medical advice or at the very least call a crisis hotline to speak to someone. (There are some National phone numbers on this crisis website.) A friendly, caring voice can make all the difference.
As for getting married - I rushed into marriage because I was panicked about that very issue. I was single and 34 and I thought I would never find the right man. Well, you can be 100% sure of finding the wrong one when you are in that mindset. Three years later I am happily divorcing his sorry butt. Marriage, if it happens again, is something I will never put above my own health and happiness...
Take care of yourself & do something nice for yourself today. You deserve it! It sounds like your ex is the only loser in your story...
It all sounds good but is soooo hard to do. All I can do is be sad and cry. I havent worked out for 2 days. Im going to today. I just sit here and think how can he be ok with this. We broke up once over the same things a few months ago and he asked me to promise to look for a different job, at least one that I work day hours (we worked opposite schedules) and do school part time instead of full. We spent alot of time on the phone - he said we had a phone relationship, and not a real one. The crazy thing is he pushed me to to school. He said he didnt think I would go over full time.
I go to school during the day. work in the office of a gymnastics facility in the evening, and Saturday mornings. Saturday and Sunday afternooon I coordinate the Bithday Parties at the gym I work at. He was off on weekends, and here I was working and then doing homework. Im luxky my daughter gets to come with me to work. She does gym an cheer there.
I think nobody can look at that and blame him for leaving.
How else am I to get ahead though? I make $8.50 an hour. Thats peanuts! I was making $7.50 just a month ago, it really doesnt make much difference when wages are that low. I live on my own for gosh sake, in clalifornia.
I guess i do need to just focus on getting by with my education and m daughter.
It would be easier if I had been treatd badly, or cheated on, I could let it go easier. But We do love each other, its not going to work with my schedule though. He is ready to move forward and I just cant do that yet. Not that I dont want to- I just cant. I hate this, it is so hard.
You may not want to hear thus, but if he really loved you , he would be supportive and be proud that you want to better yourself. It is very unfair of him to ask you to change your job and cut back on school.....what is he doing to help you? Even tho the job is low paying I wouldn't get a new one yet, looking for a job and learning a new one will add more stress to your life and you already have plenty of that.
There are so many times we blame ourselves for things going wrong in our relationships. And many times, it just isn't so.
I do understand what you are saying: that he probably felt he was the last priority in your life, behind work, school, and your daughter. Some people don't know how to deal with that - I've been on that end of a relationship with a single parent and I know how much it sucks to feel that way.
But put that aside for a moment, and listen to what some of these other women are saying. You need to do what you are doing right now for you and your daughter. You cannot let a relationship get in the way right now. Let this break-up serve only as a motivator for you to buckle down, finish school, and find that better job that you want. You, your daughter, and your future love will all profit from you going through what you are going through right now.
There is never anything someone can say to just take the sadness, hurt, and feelings of betrayal away, when someone we love leaves us. So, I can't offer any wonderful cure for you I'm afraid. But you sound like an intelligent, strong person and deep down I think you know you can get beyond this. The cliche is true: tomorrow you'll feel a little better. And the day after that, even a little more.
I look forward to hearing your progress toward your goals in life. I have a feeling you'll achieve them.
I do understand what you are saying: that he probably felt he was the last priority in your life, behind work, school, and your daughter.
Ugh! That is exactly what he said. Then he said that when I had things in order later down the line that mabe we could try again. I dont want that though. I want to be with him during. He treated me so good and I like that. I hope I will find it again.
Well I just finished an awesome workout that made me sweat a bucket. Now my friend and I are going to walk up a local "mountain" Its a 2 mile hike uphill the whole way.
I guess the next 3 weeks while there is no school for my daughter and I, I will throw my self into my workouts and keeping myself on track with my diet.
With todays planned workouts I will burn 750 calories. I am taking in 1200 in calories. Im going gung ho from here on out.
Thank you all for the support and encouragment. I know its going to be tough, so I will focus on myself.
Now What...Im so sad
