Hi everyone. I didn't know where to post this or even what to call it for that matter, so I stuck it here. I guess I am looking for some opinions/advice/support.
I am concerned about my daughter. I have 3 year old boy/girl twins. My son weighs 36 pounds and is a tad tall for his age. My daughter is 4 inches taller than him, but weighs 53 pounds. She's only three.
One of the big reasons why *I* wanted to lose weight myself was to avoid my children having these problems. I lost most of my weight before I even had the twins, and reached goal when they were 8 mos old. I have learned so much on this weight loss journey. I cook so much healthier. I watch portion sizes. I don't keep many bad foods in the house (although I do sometimes buy reduced fat Oreos or something similar - I don't want my children to be deprived either and I am looking for that happy medium)
Anyway, my kids eat pretty well! I watch shows like "Honey We're Killing the Kids" for clues and I don't understand ... my kids drink skim milk, never soda, no fried foods (VERY rarely) etc. etc. yet I still have these problems.
What concerns me even more is that I can see my daughter already has an emotional attachment to food at the age of 3. She wakes up and the first thing she wants is breakfast - cries for it. She can eat an entire meal, and if she sees anyone else eating something afterwards she will still cry for it. We went away to Hershey Park last weekend. I let her pick out one candy and she picked this single serving bag of twizzler pcs. It was late at night so we left them in the car at the hotel and I put her to bed. She woke up at 6 am crying for her "fruit snacks" she left in the car.
I think her beginning food - I hate to use the word obsession, but thats what it seems like to me - food obsession bothers me much more than what she actually eats. Why does she focus on food so much at such a young age? I play with them, read to them, take them to the park, do things with them every weekend. My two boys (her twin brother, and my older son - 9 yo) don't have any of these issues at all. I often am amazed at what my older son will turn down ... doesn't care for sweets, etc. but she will eat ANYTHING.
I need to take her to a Dietician, but my XH wonderful medical plan doesn't cover it and I can't afford it right now.
Personally, for myself, I'm on Sugarbusters. They have an excellent book called SugarBusters for Kids and it has many ideas and strategies for kids. Its basically cutting out sugar (of course), whites (flour, rice and potatoes) and adding lots of veggies, fruits, protiens and whole grains. It involves, not so much reading labels, but reading the actual ingredients and avoiding anything with enriched and/or white flour, high fructose corn syrup and other added sugars that may or may not be disguised as anything ending in "ose". Lactose is the exception as they strongly encourage drinking milk and other dairy products. This book for kids is geared towards meal plans that can be made for the whole family, legal snacks (like baked sweet potato chips!). The meal plans are set up for different age levels, as well. Go to your local library and see if they have it to check out or I'm sure you'll be able to find it on Amazon.
Good luck! And...may not like hearing this, but it's just a theory...I noticed an X in front of your H...could your daughter's eating be result of your DH becoming your XH? Not trying to be negative, but it's just a theory...we all deal with stress in our own way...maybe this is your daughter's way of dealing with it all.
I don't think that my divorce has influenced her eating only because we separated when she was 15 months old, and as far back as they now remember Mommy and Daddy have always had separate homes. My XH is overweight, and I have my own weight issues, but the pediatrician says it has nothing to do with genetics. My daughter was 7 lbs when born (large for a twin, but not obese), but gained weight rapidly and has always been completely off of the growth chart at each well child checkup, even as an infant. When I started solids, I only fed them homemade baby food from organic veggies and fruits, and even then she was overweight.
I have heard of sugarbusters, and will take a look at the book. I think I am more concerned with her love of food, rather than what it is. Meaning - even if it were the sweet baked chips or veggies, she'd *still* have this fixation with eating as much as possible of it. I want to break her out of her obsession now. Does this make sense?
I think its great ur considering you kid's future's, I sometimes think life would have been so much better/different if my parents had done the same thing.
Im not a parent, but heres my advice:
Dont put your kids on a diet or draw attention to their 'weight' or urs
I read in family fun magazine that putting healthy foods such as fruits at eye level and thing else out of site.
(your kids maybe to young for this) if they feel low, dont comfort wih food, take a walk with them, or rewards-active ones, like going swimming etc..
my 2-cents
try to break the habits young
i would suggest just talking to her about it. not a confrontation per se, but more like this...
your daughter cries for her snacks in the morning. what do you do? try saying, "you know, sweetie, they're just in the car. they were there before, and they will be there later. we can get the snacks later when you are ready to eat them." maybe you could say "it seems like those snacks are really important to you." and see how she responds. or, follow that question up with "why are they so important so you right now?"
just some ideas to get her to realize her own attachment to the food, and to help you figure out why they are important to her as well.
About the dietician...check the policy. If the pediatrician gives a recommendation, often insurance will cover it. But the regular doctor has to send her to one.
Is it possible that she is focusing on food so much because you are focused on food? I know you are trying to keep her on the right track with healthy foods, but you said your X is overweight...if that is an issue or he tries to "treat" her with food you don't let her have, she might see food as emotionaly charged, rather than just a way to get nutrition.
Talk with her pediatrician and see if she is overweight for her height- so you know where she is at health wise. She seems to weigh more than average, but you also said she was tall, right?
I agree with talking to her about why the food is so important. Getting to to think about it, and understand that it is just food might help. My 3 year old was very much into sweets because I was using them as a reward You know, "put your toys away and Mommy will give you a peice of candy" now we don't reward with food and she's pretty much done with asking for candy, so we are trying to downplay food for a while.
And don't be too sure that the divorce didn't effect her. At 2 1/2, my daughter recognized the park where we had her first birthday party...my son didn't even recognize it! Even if this is the way she's always had it, she's about the age where she can see it's not the way everyone else has it.
Okay...you've inspired me to get out my Sugar Busters for Kids book and I found this chart for modifying poor eating habits. Across the top, you will put these fields: Activity, Points, Mon, Tues - Sun and under Activity you put these fields and reward then with these many points:
Whole Grain Cereal: 10
Whole Grain Bread (only 2 slices per day): 10
Fruit or Veggie Snack: 10
No Soft Drinks the whole day: 20
30 mins of exercise: 10
No eating while watching TV: 10
Limit TV to 2 hours per day (including video games): 10
No fast food: 20
No sugary snacks or desserts: 20
6 glasses of plain ole water: 2 pts per glass
No bed time snacks: 10
Each day, you give your child the above points for the above behavior and at the end of the day, you give your child a NON FOOD reward according to how many points she got. The more points, the better the prize. Tip: LIst the prize she will get according to how many points she has...maybe an extra story at bedtime for 60 points or a promise of a movie at the end of the week if she gets to 700 points for the whole week. Or whatever you think would motivate your daughter...you know her better than anyone. Its kind of like a potty chart for potty training. It wouldn't be a bad thing for your boys to do, as well...good nutrition is good for everyone!!
Talk with her pediatrician and see if she is overweight for her height- so you know where she is at health wise. She seems to weigh more than average, but you also said she was tall, right?
I agree. I wouldn't be too concerned until you talk to her doctor. If the doctor feels she is overweight and something needs to be done then you can address the issue.
My son is 4. Sometimes he won't eat hardly anything, and sometimes he wants to eat everything.
But I also agree with asking her about how she feels about the food she is asking for. Talk with her about it and see what she says. It could be something you hadn't thought of.
YES, her pediatrician does think she's overweight - she actually describes my daughter as obese. Her Ped wants her to see a nutritionist, but insurance won't cover it still. I am in the midst of switching, so I am hoping I will then be able to see someone.
My XH and I went together to her last appointment. We had to each sit down and talk about what we fed her. Even the pediatrician doesn't understand why she is so overweight.
Could she have this preoccupation with food because I do? Most definitely! My mother was (is?) anorexic and bulimic when I was a child, and I am a disordered eater as well - just of different sorts (never anorexic/bulimic, but more of a compulsive eater). *But* ... I try my best to be healthy when it comes to them. We eat healthy, however, I do not restrict them like crazy (ie. still a few snacks in the house, fat free pudding, nonfat frozen yogurt, etc for a special treat). I am trying to find some middle ground. I do not reward them with food, I try and encourage physical activity.
I guess I am more rambling to myself. I still need to figure out why she is so emotionally attached. I mean, I am too, but I wasn't at her age and I can pinpoint the exact traumas I went through in childhood that influenced the way I am.
It seems to me she's most obviously influenced by your paying close attention to food. Your boys may not be because perhaps they take their cues from male influences like your husband who perhaps does not "obsess" over it. Most of us who are trying to lose weight have HAD to obsess over food (but in a healthy way ) or we'd never have lost it or tried to keep it off.
I don't agree with techwife's reward system, last thing you need is for her to think about food even more. Chances are you think about food a lot and work on it a lot, she is just picking up on that. Unfortunately, she is not grasping the healthy concepts you have because she is only 3. I'd say try to communicate with her more if you can. Try to emphasize the "healthy" (though I am sure you are already doing that) and when she begs for food (okay, it's hard to talk with/reason with a 3 year old I know) maybe ask her if she's hungry. You know repeat the question, are you really hungry? Maybe she is worried the food won't be there later on, or she can't eat later on for some reason, she feels restricted like she will be too busy to eat or something. Or maybe, she turns to it for a reward/satisfaction without you even using it as a reward. Ask her if it will make her "happy" or "satisfied" or wouldn't she rather do something else she really enjoys? Play first or read together first or something? I'm no expert on children, just some ideas. I think you are projecting all the right attitudes and if you keep it up she will learn fine as she grows older and learns to "reason" but you are right in wanting to curb these behaviors now. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Hi Kelly. I understand your frustration. I have 2 daughters ages 8 and 10. I am a nurse. I have always been overweight and struggled, and like you I can pinpoint the traumatic events in my childhood that made me turn to food for comfort. I grew up in an abusive and completely impoverished, dysfunctional environment. My children's lives are NOTHING like my childhood. We live in suburbia, have a pool, DH and I are married, we pay for the kids to participate in extracurricular activities, etc......basically, the childhood I always wanted for myself. Yet my oldest daughter has the same emotional attachment to food that you speak of your daughter having. She was actually a thin baby and didn't start becoming overweight until kindergarten. As far as I can tell, there was no trauma there. And I have no idea what more I can do than what I am doing.
My youngest daughter has none of this behavior. She eats when she is hungry, even makes good food choices (of course she loves candy but what kid doesn't? What I mean is she loves fruit for snacks, where my oldest is always trying to get chips, crackers, CARBS, always carbs. If I tell her she can have fruit instead, she says "no thanks, I won't have anything!"
It makes me crazy! And she will eat until she explodes, something my youngest doesn't do.
So if it's because of MY issues with food, why is it that only she acts that way? She is self conscious and says she thinks she is "too fat."
I talk to her about nutrition, the food groups, serving sizes, everything.
Except in writing this I realize I haven't really talked to her about emotional eating. I will have to figure out how to do that, and you really need help with it since your dh is so young!
Anyway I just wanted you to know that you are not alone! I don't necessarily think you are doing anything wrong. Every person is different, my 2 girls are living proof. I think you are right to be concerned, and my advice to you is to keep on trying, like me. My pediatrician wants my daughter to "grow into" the weight she is without gaining any more for a while. It's very difficult to be a parent. To get her to pay attention to the choices she makes without damaging her self esteem. It's so hard. She seems to have low self-esteem where her sister is very confident. I just don't get it.
If only kids came with a manual........................sigh!
My eldest son is 14. He was about 8 when all of a sudden he gained a signifigant amount of weight. He was never over weight until then. Over the course of about 6 months he pared down a bit and I was no longer very concerned. This pattern continued until his 12th year. For the last two years he has been consistanty overweight. I find he's eating out of bordom. I was a SAHM up until his 7th year. I was available to cook and pack lunches and be much more organized than the chick I became when I when to working not just full time but 55+ hours a week. As a single Mom with few options I'm sure he went neglected. He wasn't the only one to gain weight then! I have since remarried, quit my job (DS has a new baby brother) and am refocused on the overall well being of my family. I miss the $$$ but its not worth the long term problems. I know I am fortunate to have a wonderful husband. DS #1 has lost 10 lbs! He needs to lose 20 more. So thats my story. I hope it helps to see that your not alone and it happens in lots of different ways.
Overweight Children
Hope things work out for you and your kids!! 
You know, "put your toys away and Mommy will give you a peice of candy" now we don't reward with food and she's pretty much done with asking for candy, so we are trying to downplay food for a while. 
Her Ped wants her to see a nutritionist, but insurance won't cover it still. I am in the midst of switching, so I am hoping I will then be able to see someone.
) or we'd never have lost it or tried to keep it off. 
I have since remarried, quit my job (DS has a new baby brother) and am refocused on the overall well being of my family. I miss the $$$ but its not worth the long term problems. I know I am fortunate to have a wonderful husband. DS #1 has lost 10 lbs! He needs to lose 20 more. So thats my story. I hope it helps to see that your not alone and it happens in lots of different ways.
