[mo_berry]

My DD is 14 and from my 1st marriage she had suggested to her dad, well his wife that she might want to come live there,but last year she wanted to live at her friends house, WELL the x's wench has run away with that and coaxes my DD every weekend they are down there how great it would be if she lived w/them, they would send her to a private school and this and that....She, the wench, has 2 kids from her 1st marriage and her oldest at one point decided to live w/his dad...And she talks about how hard that was..And now she is try to bait mine to come live there to be her little toy....
I am so angry and depressed about the whole thing...I really need some advice and help as I have no clue what to do.....Should I call the X and tell him to shut her up???
any advice.....

Thanks in advance!!!
Thanks for the rant

[Idealperson]

Tell your daughter that you love her and that you want her to live with you! She needs to know this first and foremost, then let her stay at dad's place for awhile to see if it really is greener on the other side. If this step-monster is as bad as you say, she will show her true colors, but your DD will see you as a level headed person who loves her reguardless. Someone once told me that the worst time of your life is when you are 14 or the mother of a 14 year-old. Just be there for her and let her know you love her, she may be trying out her freedom, and can learn from her mistakes. As long as she is in a safe environment, let the decision be hers to live with and you be there for support.

[almostheaven]

I agree with Idealperson except to add one stipulation to that arrangement. If she does decide she wants to try living with dad, make her stick to it for a year. That way she can't just jump out of it and back with you shortly after she moves in there and thinks "Oh cool, I can go running to either one whenever I want."

I know someone else who went through this same thing and made that year stipulation. When the year was up, they moved back in with mom and never again wanted to move back with dad, or anyone else. They might be miserable for the remainder of the year, after they decide they don't want to be there anymore, but they'll remember that it was their decision and that choices have consequences.

[sli]

I am so sorry that you have to go through this! I went through the same thing last year with my DD. (same age as yours) Well as much as it broke my heart and trust me it really broke my heart I let her go.
Well, within 4 months she was calling me and begging me to move back home. I made her stick it out two more months (6mo total) and then I let her come back. She is like a totally different child now. More manners and less attitude.
I forgot to mention that her dad lives 18hrs from here.
So, as much as you don't want her to go its best (not easiest) to let her do it. She will then see that you are not as bad as she thinks and that they are not as great as she thinks.
Once again I am so sorry that you have to go through this!!!

[mo_berry]

Thanks guys....
I really think that the x's woman just wants her to come down there so she has a play toy...
I need to inform the x at some point that her coaxing of my DD is wrong..Because my DD is fine when she is here and says no I want to be here and than she goes there and gets all these so called promises...And changes her mind again....GRRRR!!!

[boarderchick]

Is your DD stuck in the situation of trying to please everyone? Your ex, his new partner, you, etc etc. Is there any chance she's just feeling guilty and torn inside trying to juggle everyone's needs? Just a thought....