I am SO frustrated, I am working REALLY hard at losing weight, watching my calories, fat grams, exercising 6 days a weight, doing weights. Basically what I feel is all the right things, and EVERYONE keeps coming at me telling me what I'm doing is WRONG! My closest friend just had a "mini intervention" because she thinks I'm obsessed with tracking my food, my boyfriend also worries I'm obsessed. My mother says I'm exercising too much! I'm not asking for their input, I am trying my HARDEST to get this damn weight off, especially while I have the time and energy.
I've explained over and over that I need to be obsessed with whats going into my mouth, because I haven't been for so long. Why isn't anyone listening? Is it a case of where I'm just talking about my struggle and observations too much? I don't know, I thought my friend at least might be able to understand as she's trying to lose weight as well. Ugh! PEOPLE!
I hate to say it but your friend's problem may be the green eyed jelousy monster. Is she losing weight also? With your family...they may never understand my dear. I know mine doesn't. Just keep at it and don't worry about them. Once they see the results and how much healthier you are they will come around. Keep your chin up chica! You're doing a good job!
WOW!! that would be a hard day... perhaps it is jealousy.. or perhaps they just care about you and want you to know that YOUR OK!! They maybe just want you to believe that they love you without any change.. . *tryin' my best to be positive!*
That all being said, i do hope that youve got at least ONE *real life* support person.. its so hard when you dont! Remember that all of us *virtual pals* are behind you!
When I see someone working SO hard, and SO dedicated.. i admire them.. i dont belittle them!..
People that see someone working so hard, accomplishing so much... and THEN have the GALL to say something negative about it, have to be feeling some inadequecy.. somewhere.. and that, is just plain ol' jealousy!
well, there is my dime store diagnosis.. .. EITHER WAY.. anyone that works hard at anything deserves KUDOS.. and you my dear.. deserve a bunch.. cause this war is HARD...
I'm sorry SwimGirl. Don't be afraid to be firm with your friend. You could say something like, "I respect that you are concerned for me, and I could really use your support while I lose weight. But if you can't respect that I need to be vigilant with this process then please don't say anything at all, because your comments upset me."
You could also send her or your bf or your mom to this very thread (or this site in general).
I would NOT recommend sending anyone you know to this website. For me, it's my hideaway from the "real world".
Aimee, I think while it's nice they are concerned, they really are not understanding the whole concept of "5 Weeks of Aimee Time for AIMEE." This is your time for you, and you want to de-stress, and get back on track w/your diet. I think you should be allowed to spend this time any way you want. You're an adult. I've peeked at some of your posts in another thread & it sounds like you're eating well. I think people who've never had a problem w/their weight don't understand that sometimes you *have* to track your food, so you can not only know where you are, but also so you can know where you're going.
I'm sorry they're giving you such a hard time. I think you're doing the right thing. Hang in there!
Your family and friends love you, and may be genuinely concerned about you.
I personally suffered from an eating disorder in highschool, and they can be dangerous. So it's great to be seriously focused on your health and nutrition, but there is a difference between focus and obsession. Just be careful.
God Bless
Aimee, I am sorry that your BF, friend and family are giving you a bit of a hard time. It does sound like genuine concern (maybe bit of envy coming into play as well). I think overall the people have difficulty adapting to change. The fact is, you are changing. You are changing the way you eat and excercise and your family and friends may only be used to seeing you in a certain light. You have been clear that these 5 weeks of vacation is so you can have some deserved "me" time. Ignore the peanut gallery, take the comments with a heavy grain of salt.
hey, Aimee, you cute Canadian, you. Maybe you can share with them your program and explain what you're doing. I bet they're worried and just want to make sure you're ok. Thank Buddha for that too. I'm glad to hear you're surrounded by people who care.
Wow, I really appreciate all these posts more than you'll ever know!
American Aimee - yah, people know about this website, but don't know my nickname, and don't visit it. The people who know I come here everyday know it's private, and mostly I just babble on about weight loss. heh. (where did you see what I was eating? I totally can't remember posting it anywhere)
I talked to my boyfriend about everything yesterday, and while he's worried I'll get too obsessed he knows that I need to be right now. It was a good conversation. Also I talked to my brother, who I am staying with, and he reminded me that I need to be obsessed right now. It's good to have that support, as for everyone else? I just can't talk to them about it. It's kinda sad, but this is for me, and I can't start pleasing everyone otherwise I'll never lose this weight.
Sounds like you have family that you are able to have open communication with. Although they may feel their concerns are justified, have they ever been in your shoes? Do they need to lose weight? Have they ever lost a significant amount of weight? I agree with jealousy being a possible culprit - but don't let that sabotage your efforts. I agree that you NEED to be obessed right now.
Fat people will forever be obessed with their eating and/or exercise patterns for their entire lives - it doesn't matter if it is an obession with eating as much as they can or if it is an obession with losing weight and maintaining weight loss...
This is how we differ from "normal" sized people. When you need to lose weight, keeping track of everything that goes in and everything that gets burned is crucial to success, but is not indicative of an eating disorder. It is what is necessary for the efforts to succeed. As long as you are getting enough calories, eating healthy foods, and not completely overdoing it on the exercise (like to the point of sheer exhaustion), there shouldn't be any problem with what you are doing.
Good luck and hang in there.
It's good that you were able to work through a conversation with your BF. I think that if people don't understand what it is you're trying to do, and what it is you need to do to accomplish it - they say you're doing it wrong or becoming obsessed. Perhaps you could let them know that you're doing these things to become educated on what it takes be become healthy and lose weight and while it may seem like you're obsessed at first, these things may become automatic for you in the future. Now keep on kicking a$$!
It's odd, but everyone I know needs to lose weight, some are in denial, some don't realize the full commitment that it takes. I think I've been in a fog, not realizing exactly what it would actually take, I feel like I've made some HUGE discovery, perhaps this is that "ah-ha" moment Oprah talks about? Either way, I'm thankful I've gotten to this point.
My bf has jumped into this full force, promising me rewards for weight loss, he's very sweet. My friend? She's seeing my results and is actually scared I'm going to be thinner than her.. she didn't fully tell me this, but hinted at it. And my mom? I just don't think she's gotten to the point where she can realize that its such a huge commitment. I can understand their concerns, I've dabbled in eating disorders before, but to be honest I love food too much to stop eating. My brother and boyfriend keep a closer eye on me because of it, but I truely did learn my lesson.
Your posts have really made a huge difference to me, and I would like to thank each and every one of you personally, but I really don't have that many frequent flyer miles Thank you.
Glad you are on track and determined to get the weight off! I can't really say what I think about your friends' comments because you don't say here what you are doing... how low ARE your calories, etc.
But assuming you are doing this in a healthful way... hey I understand! I have had that happen too. My plan is always healthful and a good one, with the support of my doctor. But people STILL criticize it and tell me about all kinds of diets I should try... I shouldn't be eating this or should be eating that, etc. I've learned to let a lot roll right on off. But a "mini intervention" DOES sound extreme unless they really DO have cause to be concerned about you; again, I don't know.
Sometimes people ASSUME things... that we are doing something dangerous when we aren't etc. There are SO many dangerous diets and pills and potions out there that a lot of people ARE seriously damaging their health; so often our friends and families can become fearful based on this without really knowing or understanding the FACTS of our own plan.
BUT perhaps you are talking about it too much to them...??? Just a thought. I know I have a hard time with that one, and people can think we are focusing on it too much and not understand our enthusiasm and excitement. That is where 3FC comes in LOL. HERE we can come and yap about it all we want and receive only positive support and feedback!!!
Fortunatey I am blessed with supportive friends and caring doctor! But if your plan is healthful, I would try not to let it bother me too much; just smile and assure them that you are doing what is right for you or, if you need, sit down and have a talk with them. But first why not talk with your DOCTOR and get her/his assurance... then you can simply tell people you are under a doctor's care whom you trust. This is especially essential since you say you have dabbled in eating disorders! Of COURSE they are concerned; they love you. All the more reason for you to be under the care of a GOOD doctor! And we can't change or control other people; we can only control ourselves!!!
You sound like you've got your head screwed on right. Determination and commitment are what it takes to accomplish your goal. Maybe not obsession. Sometimes when we obsess about something (at least for me) it is a short term thing and next thing we know we are bored with the project and move on to something else.
Sincere and dedicated focus to the goal at hand are good and important things, but we also need the balance of having a life for ourselves. Weight loss shouldn't be the only thing we are enjoying in our lives.
Having said that, I feel where you are coming from with people sabotaging your efforts. Sometimes people do that. They don't even realize it, or maybe subconsciously they do. Sometimes they do it with negative talk, making you feel like you are "pathetic" and "lying to yourself". I've had people (even in online support) do that to me. A woman just a few days back wrote me a very cruel letter and told me she has been reading my journal (on weight loss) and that she relates to me that the things I write could be HER writing and that she thinks "we" are "pathetic" "making excuses" and "lying to ourselves" and then she concluded the letter by saying "I don't want to be like you anymore".
That was a real slap in the face right now, considering I have felt like I was doing really really well this year in taking the weight off. I've lost 25 pounds since December 12th. And nearly 40 since my top weight.
Some people have the NEED to bring you down. For whatever reason it is less threatening to them to have you back where you were when weight loss was just a "dream" or a "someday" type situation.
On the other hand there are people who attempt to lose weight in really unhealthy ways, and I can understand why someone might say something in that case. Of course, the way I lose weight is by Atkins which to me is a VERY healthy way (eating high protein foods and vegetables), but plenty of people don't think so, so I've had my share of that sort of criticism too!
But what you said about not being able to "please everyone". That is the big key. We women (and I think even more particularly we FAT women) have a tendancy to try and please everyone but ourselves. We feel like focusing on ourselves too much, even to the point of trying to take the weight off, is some how "selfish". And we have been taught, trained and had it pounded into us to be "giving" and "unselfish" creatures. That to focus on our own needs is somehow "bad". So when we try and please everyone it winds up leaving us lost somewhere. Our needs and desires go by the way side (particularly when we become parents).
Who can lose weight in the face of guilt about displeasing people? Forget them. This is something you need to do for yourself! And it is something that must be done. It isn't a fluke, or a foolish notion. It is something you have set out to do and it must be done. The only person in this regard that you need to please is yourself.
Sometimes we need to remind ourselves WHO we are doing this for. No one. No one else that is. We are doing this for ME (whichever me you happen to be). That is what counts and matters. Other people's opinions and input can actually hurt the process. By the things they say, they can make us feel resentment, jealousy, rebellious, afraid, etc. All that matters is that we keep focused on what it is that WE want and who we do this for. If we start letting outside input get to be too important, we lose sight of the ME in all this. We get back to the "I'll show them" attitude. Show who? Someone tells me I can't have something and that attitude shows up. If I feel like I'm cheating too much and not sticking to my plan sometimes my thoughts come up as to "what will other people think?" That isn't my worry (or shouldn't be). I'm not doing this for other people, I do this for me. Therefore their input is irrelevant. Keep that in mind and you will do fine.
When we lose sight of our reasons, of who we are doing this for and start to "rebel against" or "appease" other people, we are ultimately only hurting ourselves.
Good points, Sherry... people can be amazing... like someone telling you they don't want to be like you! Sheesh, some people are just rude and cruel!
Personally, though, I do disagree with you about doing this just for myself. Even though I'm single, I'm NOT just doing it for me. Still, I want to be able to do more for others -- I'm involved in outreach projects through my church and often just don't have the energy or ability to do things I would like because of my weight... and that is frustrating! Of course we have to have balance and make sure we leave enough time to do what needs to be done... i.e. exercise, fix healthful foods, etc. But personally I think our society promotes far too much focus on self and not enough on caring for others, which is where the real blessings lie!
Please know I am not meaning to be disagreeable with you... we are all entitled to our own opinions, of course. Just thought I would throw in a different perspective here also. And of course, we all make our own choices as to how we want to approach things!
Grrr!!
Ugh! PEOPLE! 
.. EITHER WAY.. anyone that works hard at anything deserves KUDOS.. and you my dear.. deserve a bunch.. cause this war is HARD...
I think you're doing the right thing. Hang in there!
