Since I've gained my weight (about 50 lbs in one year) I find that I hate going out socially. I used to go out every weekend and now I just hole up in my apartment because I don't want to be the fat girl at the skinny girls' bar. And I hate being seen by men. I do everything humanly possible to avoid eye contact with the male species. I feel like they look at me and think "fat girl, I'd never date you". Does anyone else feel this way?
And I hate being seen by men. I do everything humanly possible to avoid eye contact with the male species. I feel like they look at me and think "fat girl, I'd never date you". Does anyone else feel this way?
I feel like this every single day. I do think I have a pretty face, and others say this as well... but it's when men start to blatantly hit on me, I start to think it's just a cruel joke, or some sort of prank, or they'll do it with ANY woman. I have never accepted that someone has been interested in me, because they genuinely are attracted to me. I wouldn't be attracted to me, so why would anyone else, right? I have an extremely poor body image. I can't keep eye contact with anyone I'm attracted to. There's this one guy that works as an EMT that comes into my ER a lot, and we always catch each other just looking at each other. He'll fumble around me and just general things that would IMPLY there's an attraction, but of course he has to be the one that's maybe like 10-15lbs overweight and carry it very well, and I'm the blob. I don't go out, either. I'm always invited out by my coworkers, but I "know" that I'll be the biggest one there, and I'll be left out because there will be all the skinny people.. even if they aren't really pretty, just because they're thin they have that edge over me. I've thought this my whole life, so I have a long way to go to reverse my thinking.
I rarely go out, but when I do, if a guy or guys look at me, I always figure they're saying mean things, or thinking that I'm really fat, and I just kind of brace myself for them laughing at me. And I always feel like the token fat girl at parties, and like people only really talk to me at the bar or parties because they feel sorry for me. Luckily, i met my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years before I gained all this weight, and he's stuck by me, so i don't have to worry about meeting guys, but it's still uncomfortable.
Man I'm glad I'm married. It makes it ok to stay in and not have a life!
But yes I am terrified of men. I hate going places by myself because i feel so vulnerable. It's like all these men are looking at me thinking "HA! No wonder she's alone." I walk looking at the ground or like I'm concentrating on something faaaar away so as to avoid all eye contact. I don't want them to think that I'm be interested so they get to think "In her dreams!"
I'm lucky too in that I've found a boyfriend who tells me that he loves me the way I am (our 3 year anniversary is April 3!). But I know what you're talking about with other guys. I feel like a friggin whale. Even at the gym. I don't mind going with my bf because for some reason I feel less self-conscious (like he's my "protector" or something), but I wont go by myself because I feel all the guys would be looking at me thinking "damn she's fat," or maybe that they'd actually approach me and say something hurtful. I don't know, maybe that's weird.
Yep - I know what all you guys are talking about!! I've always been a big girl. I've ranged b/t 150 to 200 pounds during my adult life. But, it seems as I get older my whole philosophy on this topic has changed and shifted. I've come to realize - - IT'S ALL ABOUT THE ATTITUDE!!!
First, you must be aware that men, when it comes to having sex with a woman, will have sex with any woman just about all the time regardless of how she looks. I know that is crass and kind of gross. But, ask a guy sometime and he will admit it. So, the male opinion just don't or shouldn't matter in how we view ourselves!
I swear I have found more than not that men are drawn to a woman with attitude - self-confidence, a bit of bravado, chin-held high and exuding "I look good! I feel good!" I have more attention now that I'm older, more self-assured yet bigger then when I was smaller and massively insecure! I do still have that twinge of self-consciouness when someone looks my way. But, I shove it down and stick out my chin, suck in the gut and pull my shoulders back. Chances are that person wasn't giving me anymore thought than the man in the moon. And, I've got better things to do with my time than to worry about it if they were!
So, the moral of the story is - - screw what someone thinks about you!! The majority of folks aren't thinking bad things about you! Those that are, aren't worth knowing. And, you can't let the bad eggs mess up your good time and attitude!
(The previous message was courtesy of lots of soul searching, prescription drugs and therapy!!! Don't waste your money! It all comes down to the 'tude!)
I agree completely. When I go out with friends, I often become a wallflower (literally, i'll stand to the side of the club while my friends go out and have fun). It makes me really sad because I used to be able to get out there and have fun with them, but now I feel like I'm just grossing everyone out. it's pretty pathetic, i guess.
Here I am, Friday night, home alone and couldn't agree more with the above... I feel like such a loser. I think my parents and coworkers think I'm a loser because I don't do the things young people do... pity party, party of one, right this way...
in short - yes. i am paranoid in every day situations let alone going to a pub or restaurant with my BF.
funny thing is that even when i was at my lowest weight in my 20's (about 70kg) i still felt the same. my friends i went clubbing with were petite little things and i just felt like an amazonion next to them.
there is so much phsycological stuff to get over - not just the weight - to be able to live a life of normalcy.
I tend to get very anxious when I go out, but I do go out quite frequently...well, I'm YOUNG! lol. I found a boyfriend who loves me, at my very heaviest, and when he's around, I feel less self conscious...and don't care so much what people think of me. I think we've all been (and are) where you are at right now.
I don't go out much, never have because I don't really enjoy it. But I do like meeting up with friends and doing things together - coffee and chat, walk and chat, movies and so on. This pretty much stopped when I was at my highest weight because a) I had nothing left to wear, b) felt too embarassed and worried someone would say something about how much weight I had put on. Nobody ever did, but that it might have been because I avoided people.
All last year I was in hiding. I had reached my highest weight ever and started feeling sorry for myself. I rarely went out and when I did I could never enjoy myself because I just knew that everyone was looking at me in disgust. But I've decided that it just isn't worth it anymore. I feel like I missed out on a whole year of my life. And I can never get it back. So I'm out of hiding and enjoying my life again.
I don't go out much, never have because I don't really enjoy it. But I do like meeting up with friends and doing things together - coffee and chat, walk and chat, movies and so on. This pretty much stopped when I was at my highest weight because a) I had nothing left to wear, b) felt too embarassed and worried someone would say something about how much weight I had put on. Nobody ever did, but that it might have been because I avoided people.
OMG!!! Seriously I feel the same way. I have a very small fat wardrobe because of my budget so I hate going out. I only like to hang with my family and best friend because I feel like they don't judge my size or the fact that I don't dress too well. (Prior to the fattiness I was a stylish dresser) . I also am afraid I will run into people who haven't seen me in a while and they will see that I have just ballooned. This is no way to live!! I'm starting on slimfast tomorrow and I am bound and determined to stick with it and get myself back down to 150. I don't know what I weigh now because it depresses me AND because the scale at my gym is out in the open. Now why would they stick the scale out in the open? Silly people
I've always been fat. I honestly can't remember a day when I wasn't overweight. So my whole life I've had no self confidence. I stare at the ground as I walk. I can't start a conversation with a stranger, they have to start one with me. It's like I test them. If they'll talk to me, they don't care that I'm fat. If they don't talk to me then I dislike them, those fat haters. Which is wrong, because they could be just as shy as me. It's just something I've developed.
I would never, ever consider going to a club. No. I'm certain that some jerky guy'll come up to me and say hurtful things. I'm certain that no one has ever been interested in me romantically. Ever. If I ever get the feeling that someone is, I just look in the mirror. That ends that.
If I ever see a skinny girl look at me, then I know she's thinking to herself about how glad she is that she isn't me. Sometimes I almost expect them to be mean to me, to my face.
So, yeah, I guess you could say that I've been in hiding. I can't wait until I'm out of it though.
Do any of you hide?
