Today I was doing some window shopping for a dress for our Vegas trip. I was in the misses section pulling out 14's and even 12's (our trip isn't for another 2 months) and I felt like a fraud. I kept thinking "I'm a size 20, not a 12, what am I doing??" It felt like at any moment someone was going to call me out and I was going to have to say I was shopping for someone else. Especially when I went into stores like Forever 21. I'd make a quick loop through the store and run right back out.
Does anyone else do this? It's like my brain can't figure out my body has changed. It's pretty frustrating because I should be enjoying this. I should be excited that I'll be buying a size 12 dress and instead I feel like I'm cheating or lying. *sigh*
I hear you. I've gone from a 16 to a 14/12(!) but I still feel like I'm the exact same size as I was a few months ago and that I shouldn't go stores like American Eagle because the employees will sneer at me for being to big to wear their clothes. What's helped me is taking a few pictures of myself. My image in the mirror hasn't changed, nor have my comparisons to other people (probably not the best of habits) but I found a picture of myself 20 pounds heavier that I took to see what an outfit looked like, and then took a picture the other day and was absolutely astounded at the difference. I went from blobby to curvy in about 2 months while not noticing any change to my internal view.
This may look familiar, it's a re-post, but it's relevant:
I actually feel fatter than I felt 100 pounds ago. I think it's because I become some much more aware of my body. I honestly would avoid mirrors when I weighed over 300, and I still do most of the time, but when I do, I feel that I look like I still weigh 300 pounds. It's weird, because I don't remember how I looked at 300 pounds, because I still haven't found any full-body pictures of myself at my heaviest. I've always had this tendency to rip up all pictures of myself. I know from my driver's license pic that my face is dramatically thinner, but I don't know about my body. It just doesn't feel like I've lost 119 pounds. It feels more like 50. And I'm 38 pounds away from my goal, and I remember when I was 250 didn't feel much different to me than 300, so I don't know if 150 will feel much different from 200. Even when I lay my size 26's next to my 16's, there doesn't seem to be much of a difference. I know I'm smaller, because before I couldn't even fit in the seatbelt in my mom's car (or that bathtub at that) and now I can, but I just think I should feel a lot smaller after losing over 100 pounds. I just keep wondering when I will really FEEL like I lost this incredible amount of weight. I guess I haven't had any stark realizations that would make me finally understand how much weight I've actually lost. Smaller clothes don't do it and fitting into new places doesn't do it either and looking in the mirror definitely doesn't do it. I mean, this is a tremendous amount of weight, but it just doesn't feel or look like it to me. I think I may have body dysmorphic disorder.
I'm dreading that I'll always feel 300 pounds on the inside. I've read some posts on here that says it takes awhile for our minds to catch up with our bodies. My mind has thought of me as overweight my ENTIRE life, so it's got a lot of catching up to do.
Okay, advice for those of you who are just starting: TAKE PICTURES NOW!!!! I wish I had, I think they would be helpful now.
I still do feel like the same size 14 girl. It wasn't even until I lost the first 30 pounds that I saw a difference...but it was such a slight difference that I wasn't really sure I was truly any different.
I am happy that I can now shop at my favorite store again (Express)...but sometimes I can't help but feel a little self conscious when I'm in there.
One day I'm sure my mind will catch up to the rest of me.
wow - that is very interesting. its wierd - I think that when I gained weight I noticed the difference - like the fat tire around my belly (as I call it) and that was only 10 pound gain - (I had stopped excersizing and I think since I have gotten into my latter 20s, weight gain has gone to diff areas) and now i feel more muscly but what helps me is my friends (or one I should say) who notices my hard work and comments on it for me. I think that may be helpful - if you have that one supporter!
also there is a book out called like passing for thin - which I found very interesting - though its maybe taken a year or so to get to where I am consistant about my diet (even for a month that is more consistant I realize than I think I had ever been) - and is autobiographical about someone losing weight.
I still feel ridiculously fat. I feel very self-conscious about wearing a bikini or swimsuit in public.
I went to try wedding dresses on the other day and they were all uk12/us8 and I'm thinking, "How the **** am I going to get THOSE on!??" Really worried, and also thinking, how bloody stupid that they don't have them in bigger sizes. Well we got to the changing room with about a million dresses and most of them fit fine. I think there was one dress that didn't zip up.
Another separate thing that happened last weekend. I tried some trousers on from a year ago. I weighed the same then, but that was before weight training. Those trousers are about 2 or 3 sizes too big. They fall right off me now.
Another clothes thing, I tried a dress on in December that was tight. I properly had to be squidged into it and zipped in to get it to fit. And it was tight. I tried it on last weekend and it fits perfectly, it zips up really easily, I was astounded!
I think these three clothing things have rammed some precious things home to me. Like:
1) It's not pounds, it's inches.
2) Progress can be slow, but satisfying
3) You don't have to be an all the time (thinking in the last 3 months I KNOW I haven't been anywhere near as good as I should've been, but that dress still fits better)
4) If I have insecurities and fears about wearing stuff in public, then so does everyone else! I'm never worried by anyone else's appearance, so why would they be worried about mine?!
5) Lift weights, eat cleanish and you'll get there one day!
I still do feel like the same size 14 girl. It wasn't even until I lost the first 30 pounds that I saw a difference...but it was such a slight difference that I wasn't really sure I was truly any different.
I am happy that I can now shop at my favorite store again (Express)...but sometimes I can't help but feel a little self conscious when I'm in there.
One day I'm sure my mind will catch up to the rest of me.
Yep. I can relate to this. I started out at 189 and even with the first 20 pounds there is only a mild difference. I keep wondering when will I ever notice the big change. I feel better for sure, but I look the same, except that my double chin is fading away. My pants are looser, but nothing so major.... yet....
I feel fat every single day. Not all day, but I have my moments. I think that my expectations were different than what actually happened because I had no realistic idea what to expect. I guess I was surprised that my body hang-ups didn't completely vanish when I got closer to goal and that if I wanted the body I had always envisioned, it wasn't just about losing weight.
I gotta say, though, that I'm just now starting to NOT feel like a freak when I walk out in public in a bikini. I still feel like people look at me and think, "omigod is she out of her mind walking around like that"?
(I think that's mostly because there are parts of my body that had NEVER seen the light of day and are whiter than white).
Yes! After a year of maintaining at 135-140 and a size 6-8/S-M, which I'd be happy to be my 'adult' weight forever (it looks good, is healthy, and is most importantly sustainable for me), I still feel like a fatty. Most of my current friends are all very athletic and slender. I'd guess they're sizes 6-8. But when we go out, I still feel like the fat, ugly one. I don't believe I'm their size. I still feel like I'm getting dirty looks from "the skinny hot girls" (wherever I am, there are always "skinny hot girls" - you know what I mean). I picked up my pants when I was a 14-16 and couldn't believe how big they were. Now I pick up my size 6 or 8s and think the same thing. I've gotten better about buying clothes that actually fit me now. I actually own several bikinis, and wear them often. Bathing suits are an everyday part of my job doing marine research. But once they're on and I go out in them all the sudden I get insecure and think I look like a whale, and spend a lot of time hiding my midsection below my towel. Slooowly my brain is catching up, I think. (Maybe I am a whale and am just in semi-denial that I'm thin, after all.) I wish I still had a pair of pants from my highest weight, just to see the difference, or at least had taken measurements. I think this is a very, very common phenomenon amidst people who've lost weight.
2frustrated, I'm with you all the way on your list of lessons. Especially remembering that everyone is insecure. I constantly have to remind myself that life is about attitude!
No matter what, we can always find areas where there is room for improvement. I see gorgeous women on tv who have perfect bodies, but they're visiting plastic surgeons and getting nose jobs and all sorts of procedures. It's not even about being a perfectionist (I'm certainly not one); someone mentioned earlier that you become more aware of your body when you lose weight. This newfound awareness can be accompanied by even greater criticism and scrutiny. For me, it can be easy to lose sight of how I looked in the past and just focus on how I look now and the potential I have for how I can look in the future.
Clothes really can be a great reminder of your progress. I'm not allowing myself to buy more clothes until I reach my goal. I'm hoping that's soon, because I've already had a coworker tell me that my pants were falling off. Maybe instead of wearing new clothes that fit all the time, it might be good to put on some of your old clothes that are too big and really notice how differently they fit; I do that when I'm just lounging around the house (I love my baggy jeans).
To Harpo Chico Groucho, if you are at all concerned about body dismorphic disorder, I strongly recommend talking to a counselor or some other professional before things potentially get more serious. The fear of a disorder like that has always been in the back of my mind. I periodically look in the mirror and think 'ok, I weight this much...yeah, I look like I weigh that much' just to reaffirm that I can have a fairly accurate view of myself. I've been to a counselor in the past (different reasons) but she told me that even if you suspect there's a problem, it usually does indicate that there is one and that there's a justifiable reason to seek help for your own well-being. Please take care of yourself.
I definately feel fatter than I think I look (as long as I'm looking in a mirror where I can't see my head- if I can disconnect that it's me, I feel like I'm more objective about how I look)... but I remember last time I lost weight, I still felt my stomach looked fat (even though I felt like my shoulders were too pointy).
I think for me, I have a tendency to fixate on the body parts that take the longest to change, and it can get discouraging. But noticing other places has helped me realize that there is a difference (I have a GORGEOUS sternum! and my legs are looking quite lean and muscular these days)... even if it isn't the one I would like most to see (disappearing stomach and toned arms).
Thanks for all the support. I was looking around as Megan suggested on the maintainers forum and it is quite common. You'd think being such a slow process that your brain would be able to keep up. Imagine if we woke up tomorrow at our goal weight. I wonder what are brains would think then?
Hmm, I wonder if you go through this sort of thing with plastic surgery as well?
I'm only halfway to my goal, but I was further along than this just a few months ago. I know that when I would wear the 14s my MIL gave me, I would feel like a fraud. I was so totally sure that she had taken 16s and sewn a new label into them. {yeah, despite her numerous faults, she CAN sew that well} So I went to the store she got them at, where I never shop, and tried on their 14s. They FIT. I was stunned. Even then, I couldn't believe it.
In alot of ways, I think my negative self image and inability to believe my success to be real were a big part of the reason I put 35 lbs back on. I reverted to my old ways, believing there was no real change, and that combined with the inactivity of winter piled the pounds back on in under two months.
So my question is, how to I get from recognition to reprogramming?
This is a big issue for me. Even when I was younger and at an unhealthy low weight (51 kg), I felt fat and thought I was fat. Looking at photos now I realise I wasn't. Sure I may not have been toned (I was a fat skinny person).. but I was SKINNY. My insecurities about my weight actually went away when I was at my highest weight, because in a way, I knew that in ANYONES book, I was FAT. And big. I felt safe too, because I knew people wouldn't look at me any further than to go "oh she's big" and that was it.
Now I have lost weight, I am feeling fatter and less secure. Now people comment on my figure. Even though most of the comments are really positive, I get VERY uncomfortable about it. I don't like the idea of people looking at me and judging me, or worse, men finding me attractive. I feel guilty getting comments from guys with partners. I still feel that shop assistants are looking at me like "oh you are SOOO dreaming if you think you'll fit any of our stuff". And the you've lost so much weight. you look great comments just make me wonder how bad I looked before!
I find it harder to wear bikinis, and I think I am FAR more critical of how clothing fits me. It really got brought home to me the other weekend, when I had this dress to wear to a wedding. I bought it 8 months ago, but now I am convinced it pulls more than it did and I look really fat in it. It took two brutally honest friends, my bf and the fact I had nothing else to wear for me to wear it. I felt like any minute someone would come up to me and say "wow you've put weight on haven't you". But the opposite happened. I realise now I am just sooo used to thinking of myself as being fat, I can't accept the fact that I am not "fat" but just normal now. It doesn't help I have hips and wide shoulders or a decent sized chest. But then, I'm also tall, and you can't have one without the other really. Especially with my family genetics (not fat, just tall, broad and hippy on both sides).
I'm working on feeling better about myself, and not tearing the picture I see in the mirror to shreds. But I think for those of use that have had a large part of our lives thinking of ourselves as a fat person, it's a really difficult mind set to change, and it always shocks me how much of my life is affected by it.
Well, I still feel fat, because I am fat.
But, now I feel a different sort of fat than when I was at my heaviest. Then I felt like I was a fat-class apart, I was in the plus-sized world where I was big, but not the largest plus-sizer in the world. I considered myself to be medium to large in a plus-size world. Now I consider myself to be large (no, really, it IS my shirt size ) in a world of skinny to normal folks.
So, I still feel large, just in a different perspective. But now that I am running with the normals (so to speak) I feel a bit more conciencious of being fat and any of my jiggles or bulges make me cringe.
I look at my size 14s with pain because they look so huge on me.......and it wasn't all that long ago I was donning size 26W!! I still feel like a solid rectangle, although one that is thinning..........
Do you ladies still feel fat?
or swimsuit in public.
all the time (thinking in the last 3 months I KNOW I haven't been anywhere near as good as I should've been, but that dress still fits better)
) in a world of skinny to normal folks. 