I had to share this with you all...borrowed from another site.
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"But It's Christmas!"
Ashanti told the story of her office sugar-pusher laying that line on her, about how she should eat some kind of thing because it's Christmas, and Ashanti dodged the high fructose corn syrup bullet, but in her mind was thinking, "And ... ?"
That got me thinking. My first thought was But it's NOT Christmas. Christmas is December 25th. Only. If people ONLY ate carb bombs on *Christmas* there wouldn't be a two month fiesta of flab. Then I got distracted wondering how many days of the year are actually used to push the holiday junk food... from the 4th of July marshmallow peep red white and blue glitter stars to the Presidents' Day special edition Mount Rushmore milk chocolate mountainside... (eeeeeww)
But that's not what Ashanti's co-worker was really saying, she wasn't really saying that December 25th has anything to do with eating whatever nasty thing she was trying to hand out. What she was really saying was that if we all agree that we're on hiatus from sensible behavior, no one has to feel bad about eating junk. There's an unspoken concensus that it's OK to do all kinds of unhealthy things, because it's all pardoned under the general amnesty of Christmas. Or New Year's. Or that time of the month. Or your cousin's wedding. Or Halley's Comet passing by. Or ... whatever. You get the point. If we're ALL doing it, it's not bad, right?
Right?
Think about what it would be like if all those people who say, "I know I shouldn't, but...[insert weak excuse here]" ACTUALLY didn't.
OK, stop laughing for a minute, I'm serious.
In order to lose weight, we all have to give something up. A few hundred calories a day. Processed foods. Maybe it's salt, or meat, or saturated fat, or alcohol. Sugar is popular. Inactivity is another popular thing to give up. Could be ALL of those. I know you're all giving SOMETHING up, because you don't come to here without a weight problem of some kind, and you don't get a weight problem of any kind without excess. If excess--of whatever kind--is the cause, then giving up the excess is THE singular solution. One of the most common, and probably the hardest single thing to give up, is the excuses.
Excuses make other people complicit in your own bad choices, because in order for YOU to believe it, it's gotta be (at least a little) plausible to someone else. If you have to do something by yourself, in the face of explicit social rejection, it becomes pretty hard. Acting as part of a group, especially a majority group, is so much easier. That's why peer pressure has such a bad rap--it's powerful!
So... with the approval of the group, Ashanti's sugar-pusher can operate successfully. If everyone turned down the carb porn, she'd be out of business.
You, right now, are outside the loving arms of group approval. That's why we need our own support group, isn't it?
Making the decisions to eat well, to hydrate thoroughly, to move your body.... puts you on the outside.
You are the killjoy who doesn't support the unspoken social contract that allows us to gorge ourselves ... to have long chats about how comfortable we are carrying around some extra weight ... to talk about how all thin people must be ill or something ... to nod knowingly and sympathetically about how it is totally inevitable to gain a little over "the holidays" ... to expound at length about how clothes are all made for supermodels, but "real people" aren't shaped that way.
By actually losing weight, getting fit, and shaping your body deliberately, you make everyone who isn't doing that look bad. You're tearing down the fragile veil of social fiction that makes the eating-crap, doing-nothing, feeling-awful lifestyle the majority lifestyle in this country. Remember that statistic about how 60% of Americans are overweight, and many obese?
You are now the minority.
When we find ourselves having awkward conversations with our friends, our families, that leave us wondering why we feel like we've done Something Bad because what we're doing makes someone else uncomfortable, it means we violated the social fiction. When we hear comments like "What are you not eating this week?" and "Don't you think you've lost enough weight?" ... it means we violated the social fiction.
When you get an earful of "But it's CHRISTMAS, don't you want some ..." you are being invited to rejoin that club, to get back inside the fiction. It is made very easy, because we are needed to contribute a valuable voice of approval.
By the way... it's not really about you. It doesn't matter if you eat the sugar thing, the fat thing, the starch thing, or not.
You are being offered a chance to be the alibi, the "everyone" of "everyone's doing it." You can be someone else's excuse to poison their own body, to stuff their families full of junk. You can be someone else's partner in crime. You are being USED by other people to justify THEIR overeating, their skipping the gym, their ill health.
This is not Christmas. This is your opportunity to break free.
Last edited by valerie910; 08-13-2005 at 01:25 PM.
Val, I agree. Since when did "celebration" become synonymous with "guilt-free orgy"? I know a lot of people would find the idea extreme, but a lot of holidays (holy days) used to be celebrated by FASTING (not stuffing like pigs) and prayer - in some reigions, they still are.
My mother was confronted by this facet of society when my father was diagnosed with diabetes. You'd think that her coworkers would have the sensitivity to refrain from giving her sugary treats at Christmas, given the circumstances. However, she gets as many, if not more, as always. She doesn't want people to think she is "rude" so she accepts it and then later throws it out or gives it to someone who can handle the sugar.
We are a very indulgent society. People seem to equate any kind of holiday, vacation, or other special time with caloric indulgences. Anyone who doesn't fall for that line of thinking then is a threat to people looking to excuse their own behaviour, since if we manage to exercise a little self-control, then what is their excuse? People don't like to choose between being weak (compared to those who don't indulge) or giving up their caloriefest. They want to have their cake AND eat it, too!
Well, that kind of hit home for me Val. One of the excuses was "or your cousin's wedding." Did somebody know that my cousin is getting married a week from today and having open bar? And I don't even know what food is being served. I have a hard enough time at weddings because usually there's not a vegetarian option. Maybe they'll have a nice cheese and veggie tray or something.
Any ideas on what to do? I'll be 4 hours away from home, so I'm going to be pretty limited on food options.
Weezle - is it catered, or potluck (or food made by a few family members)? If it's not catered, take something along that you can eat. If it is catered, you might want to go to a restaurant beforehand for a big salad or something that will fill you up for a while so that you don't feel tempted to eat stuff you shouldn't. As for beverages, try some of the mocktail ideas on your "Daddy is Satan" thread such as the tomato juice with lime wedges and olives. Your cousin will probably have so much on his? her? mind that he/she won't notice if you are abstaining from wedding cake, fruit salad, pasta, or whatever. If anyone notices, just smile and say that you are trying to eat healthfully and you are sure they understand!
Weezle - oh no...I had no idea! I would suggest the same as H-ko. It also doesn't hurt to be prepared with your own bottled water to take inside...the last wedding I went to didn't even have water
The other thing I do is concentrate on the mingleing...be the social butterfly, occupy yourself in conversation away from the buffet table.
Hope you're feeling better
Oh, BTW - I normally sing Pat Benetar, Cheryl Crow or the older 'women who rock' kinda songs. I like some country, also...my voice seems to lend itself well to a lot of JoDee Messina, Terri Clark kinda music, too. I wouldn't say I'm an outstanding singer...I do love to get up there and rip out 'hit me with your best shot' though!
Rock on Val. I love chick rocker songs! I'm a big Heart fan, but don't have the confidence to sing any Heart songs.
The wedding is catered. My cousin Sean comes from some wealth and his future wife is even MORE wealthy. Cheapest hotel in the town they're getting married at is $120 a night, so we're driving 15 miles after the reception to get back to our hotel. (The hotel their reception is at is $199 a night.)
In some parts of the country, that's a steal. However, where I come from, I'm not paying more than $65 a night, and it had better be the freakin Hilton for that much money!
The mock-bloody mary is a good idea. I loooooooooove olives. I just have to make sure I keep control and don't eat like, a jar full.
You had to mention wedding cake. I've been craving it SO much lately. I love cake.
I just hope they have a real vegetable as a side dish, because I can just see them serving me a hunk of meat (which I can't eat) and a twice baked potato (which SB won't let me eat) and some corn (again with the SB.) I know there will be potatoes there because we're Irish.
Weezle- I am sure you will do fine! And Heart is great.. my husband thinks im nuts when I listen to them!
As far as eating on holidays etc my sons bday was last week and then his huge party was sat. On his bday I had a cupcake to celebrate and last night I had cake and pizza. I lost 1lb from the cupcake and then didnt gain or lose after last nights pizza and cake. For me it was important to be able to have that bday meal and dessert with him. And his bday is only once a year. And now I am back on SBD and feeling good again! Just wanted to share my thoughts
Weezle - I went out on a limb and did some Patsy Cline last night...OH MY!! DBF was AWESOME...he sang my favorite 'brown eyed girl' and 'strokin'...he also is the KING of Frank Sinatra
It was a really fun time...and it was the best feeling ever to wake up and know that I had a solid on-program day under my belt
Weezle, you can have 15 olives and it counts as a fat serving!! I love olives!!! Green or black actually!!!
Val, thanks so much for posting this!! It brought tears to my eyes when I thought about how many times I have done this to myself!! I love this site and how much you all have made me realize that I owe more than that to myself!!!
As for rockers!!! You both need to come and sing with me!!! Wouldn't that be a blast!! I love karaoke!! And all the music you listed is music I like Val!!
shortiemetoo - I had the same reaction when I first read it, that's why I had to share it...we've all done it to ourselves, hon. I feel that it's a sign of growth to read something like that and to feel it so deeply.
Honestly, karaoke is actually very much out of my comfort zone, I mean to get up there and SING...IN FRONT OF PEOPLE, not just in the shower or in the truck on my way to the store...I never would have thought I had it in me! I'll tell you what, though, once I started I was addicted. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. Yepper, I'll come sing with y'all anytime
Val, that was POWERFUL! Thanks SO much for sharing! This part really hit home for me:
Quote:
You can be someone else's excuse to poison their own body, to stuff their families full of junk. You can be someone else's partner in crime. You are being USED by other people to justify THEIR overeating, their skipping the gym, their ill health.
I often feel guilty for making others feel bad about their eating habits just because I'm changing mine. But I wouldn't be here if two of my dear friends who had been overweight all their lives suddenly made the changes necessary to lose weight. They slimmed down and I became the only fat one in our group. The unease of that feeling was one of the reasons for my change of heart and true desire to lose this weight and gain health.
So perhaps we need to feel proud rather than guilty for making others feel uneasy. It's a service we're doing!
But It's CHRISTMAS!!!!
Thanks SO much for sharing! This part really hit home for me:
