I am new to this forum but have been a long time lurker. I gained a lot of weight about three years ago while going through a difficult relationship. I was then about 285. About a year and a half ago I had lost several pounds and was down to 225. I thought I would try and date and that was a bad mistake!!! Most of the men I encountered looked at me as if they would like to vomit. I have gone into a terrible period of seclusion since then. I am unwilling to keep getting kicked in the teeth. I feel relationships are out of the question and am just not willing to put myself through all that pain again. I feel very old and that my years of actually looking good are behind me so I may as well get used to it. I have always had weight issues but the start of middle age metabolism slow down is really doing a number on me.
I am 46 and have returned to school and am working on a midlife career change. I have gained back some weight and am about 250. I refuse to weight myself because all it does is make the situation worse since I get totally obsessed with the numbers. I can tell were my weight is by the way my clothes fit. For the past 6 months I have been eating a very healthy vegetarian diet and have been working out. My problem with exercise is being consistent but I am getting better. I am aiming toward working out 5 days a week. A lot of this in complicated due to lack of time and also by the fact I am a total insomniac. I find it very hard to get up and exercise in the morning after only 4or less hours of sleep. The insomnia has been a long standing problem and has been made worse by the on set of menopause.
What I feel like is that this situation will never change and I will be fat forever no matter what I do. I am afraid I will graduate from school and not be able to get a job because of how fat people are viewed in our culture. I also tend to eat when I am over stressed and I am finding going to school, working and caring for my disabled mother to be so overwhelming at time I am crushed by it. I am in hope that some here has going through similar situations and can give me some encouragement. I have very little social support and feel I am trying my hardest and still going no where and that life will never change.
Start making little changes here and there. Drink more water, switch to 2% milk instead of whole, but low-fat mayo, whatever you can do easily. Focus on doing just one thing until it's habit (it takes at least 3 weeks to form a new habit), then change another little thing. It is easy to get overwhelmed if you try to do too much too fast. Heck, sometimes it's overwhelming even if you don't. But it is SOOO worth it.
As for relationships... all in good time. I could spout the old adage and say "you have to love yourself first," and that's true. It's great that you're going to school and are working on improving yourself and your life. Be PROUD of that! And you've found a wonderful social support system here at 3FC that you can rely on.
But I think you need to relax a little. We all get rejected, and it's never fun, but you know what? Life goes on. Some men are pigs, true, but some of them aren't. I met my boyfriend online when I weighed about 205 or so (I'm up a little from that at the moment, and he's still with me), and he didn't freak out or vomit or anything when we met. Honestly, men respond really well to self-confidence and self-respect. Don't let them know you're afraid! They can sense fear! Really though, they're just as nervous as you are, and they're just humans like the rest of us.
I hope some of this helps. If you'd like to chat, feel free to Private Message me (click on my name beside this post, a menu will pop up), or join me on the Chicks Up For
A Challenge board under Clubs and Groups.
f(x) Welcome to the board. I also relatively new to the forum, but the supportive atmosphere is great. I look forward to checking the posts every day. I also love how everyone is going through the same thing. I myself have gone through a very dark period over the past two years (incredible job stress) to the point that I gained over 90 lbs (and I was overweight to begin with) and am also supporting my mom as well as working full time (though I am not doing the triple threat of taking on school at the same time). The stress at my old job was brutal (our company was bought, and for time no one knew if they would keep their job, and then went through an integration period which I would not wish on anyone). I was working 12 hour days for a manager that was horrible to work for, which came to a head last summer. Things were so bad that people commented on how my personality had changed. I am emotional eater (and always will be), so you can imagine what eating at McDonald's, Wendy's on almost a daily basis did for my health . I also was not sleeping properly and had to wear a mouth guard because I was grinding my teeth at night when I was sleeping (when I slept). It was amazing how the stress affected all areas of my life, until I felt like a non person.
It was my doctor who put it into perspective for me. I found a new job (with a competitor, even better) and I now have my health on track. As someone who has made it to the other side, please let me say that things will get better, which I know does not seem possible right now.
But you already making life changes! How great is that! May I say how awesome is that you made the decision for a career change Also changing your eating, congrats on that! All those amzing life changing steps!
Your post really touched my heart. I hope this won't offend you, but have you thought about talking to your doctor to see if you are suffering from depression? You have a LOT on your plate with school, caring for your mother, etc., and those feelings of hopelessness could be the result of depression. Just a caring suggestion. If you haven't already mentioned the insomnia to your doctor, I'd consider at least doing that. Studies are now coming out that not getting enough sleep does factor into the weight loss equation.
There is hope! I felt like cr*p during my 40s, weighing 261 lbs. and feeling really awful about myself, although I hid the fact from others. When I was about to turn 50, we moved into my Dad's house to care for him (so I have some experience in how hard that can be!), and I decided that I didn't want to spend my 50s being fat. I've slowly lost 82 lbs., with 20 more to go, and it's been the best thing I've ever done. I just told myself I was going to do it no matter how long it takes. I've had "slips," some lasting months, but I've gotten back up and started over again.
What helped me with exercise was making it a daily appointment. I chose to do an aerobics class at 8:00 am, and I set my alarm and no matter how I was feeling, I got up and exercised. You might try to get some Walk Away the Pounds tapes and set aside some time when you get home from work before you eat dinner (or after a small snack before dinner) to do a 1/2 hour tape. You don't have to go away anywhere to do it, it's only 1/2 hour, and you can do it anytime.
For me, making myself a priority was essential. If I didn't take care of myself, I wasn't going to be a good caregiver. Also, I had to be at the point in my life where I was ready to lose weight. I've tried lots of times before, but it wasn't until something "clicked" in my mind that I was really ready to start the weight loss journey.
Good luck to you, f(x)! Please post often and let us know how you're doing.
Sorry you're at such a low point. Caring for someone with disabilities is emotionally and physically draining. I don't know where you live, but is there no help available for you--perhaps from a neighbour or through some kind of organisation? Maybe there's a support group, either in your area or on-line for people in a similar situation? There's no shame in admitting you could use a little help.
I'd love to tell you to make time for exercise because I've discovered it really does help improve sleep, but I also know it's not as simple as "just doing it" when you're suffering from stress and/or depression. (I struggled for many years with major depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia).
**Edit**:
I echo Sheila's endorsement of Walk Away the Pounds videos/DVDs. I absolutely love these! They can be ordered from the library to try out (as I did) before committing cash and buying them (as I did!).
**/Edit**
I agree about starting with small changes. In addition to the proposals already made, I suggest logging your food and drink with a corresponding entry of your mood at the time to see if you can find a pattern to your emotional eating. Then substitute something else for the food--perhaps a pampering bubble bath if you're feeling unloved, or a session of whacking your pillow with a plastic wiffle bat if you're angry (a great de-stressing activity! ), or reading something inspirational when you're getting discouraged.
On a last note, like Elisha, I met my husband when I was well over 200 pounds, and then I added quite a few more! You know what? He doesn't care what size I am because he loves me. Any man who is more interested in how you look than the person you are is not worthy of your time or love.
I really hope you stick around, f(x), and break through the barriers that are hindering you. :
Last edited by TooFatFish; 08-05-2005 at 04:48 PM.
Reason: Adding my endorsement of WATP workouts.
"I just have to ask... what does your nickname mean? f(x)"
f(x) is algebra term. It mean "the function of x". It's strange but it always hard to come up with a screen name.
Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. As far as eating goes I am doing pretty good except for periodic feeding frenzies. I seem to do that less and less and can get back on track pretty quickly. At least my eating binges do not last for weeks like they used to. When I gave up the idea of doing a diet perfectly and realized that good eating is for life I seem to be able to get back on tract more quickly. My diet is low fat vegetarian and I tend to stay around 1500 calories a day. I am thinking about doing the President's Health Challenge as a way of getting my self to be more consistent with exercise. I tend to do better when I have a set plan and a goal.
As far as depression goes I can say for a fact I am depressed however I am not in a financial place to get treatment, have no health insurance and not qualified for government help. Frankly, I have done lots of treatment for depression over the years and have not found it very helpful. Something life is just plan hard and being depressed is a sane response. I have set enough money aside for a doctor visit this week and will be seeing someone about the insomnia and other health issues. I really think I will feel better once I can get some regular sleep. I also think the weight stuff is tied to not sleeping. I find the more tired I am the more I want to eat.
Can someone tell me if there is a place within the forum where one can write up their eating and exercise events daily? That sound weird but for some reason I find that helpful especially when I make the vow to be honest. I find that I just don't want to tell everyone and there dog about crummy eating habits so I tend to rethink my behavior before a binge. It sort of makes one be accountable.
Can someone tell me if there is a place within the forum where one can write up their eating and exercise events daily?
We have a thread here on this forum called Weekly Journal Buddy Thread where you can post your eats and exercise. I find it really useful. There's also a separate one for exercise only. I'm not sure of the thread title for that one.
This week it's "Move Your Keister", and I think last week it was "Shake Your Groove Thing." Can't wait to see what Sarah comes up with next week!
Also, f(x), you might consider doing one of the monthly challenges. You can read about it in August Points Challenge. Since I love being able to write down 4 pts. every day (I'm a touch competitive!), those work well for me. We also have periodic weight challenges. While I almost never meet my goal, I still participate because, well, someday I just may meet one of those goals. I'm a really slow loser, but a loser nonetheless. Anyway, these can be motivating influences as long as you don't beat yourself up if you screw up because, hey, everybody has an off day, week, month, or months as has happened to me. It's all about the long haul and the lifestyle change, IMHO.
Welcome f (x), glad you founds your way here. It is a great place with lots of awesome people who offer great support. We can all identify with certain aspects of one anothers life struggles with weight/food and success comes with perseverance (that's what they tell me and I am hanging onto that for all it is worth!!). Exercise will help bring up your serotonin levels as well as your energy and your commitment to looking after you in a positive way. As for depression, are there any local community agencies that offer free counselling services? Public agencies? If not, there is a good book called "The Feeling Good Handbook" by Dr. David Burns. It is highly recommended by many and you may want to have a look at it. You can buy it fairly inexpensively at WalMart or your local library should have a copy.
One day (or minute) at a time, glad you are here. You obviously have alot of personal strength to be able to reach out and try and makes things better. It is great to have you here.
Overweight and in despair
at my old job was brutal (our company was bought, and for time no one knew if they would keep their job, and then went through an integration period which I would not wish on anyone). I was working 12 hour days for a manager that was horrible to work for, which came to a head last summer. Things were so bad that people commented on how my personality had changed. I am emotional eater (and always will be), so you can imagine what eating at McDonald's, Wendy's on almost a daily basis did for my health 
. I also was not sleeping properly and had to wear a mouth guard because I was grinding my teeth at night when I was sleeping (when I slept). It was amazing how the stress affected all areas of my life, until I felt like a non person. 
Also changing your eating, congrats on that! All those amzing life changing steps! 
Caring for someone with disabilities is emotionally and physically draining. I don't know where you live, but is there no help available for you--perhaps from a neighbour or through some kind of organisation? Maybe there's a support group, either in your area or on-line for people in a similar situation? There's no shame in admitting you could use a little help.
), or reading something inspirational when you're getting discouraged.
:
Can't wait to see what Sarah comes up with next week!
