[alliesarang]

Alright. So this might seem like a ridiculous concern but it's been on my mind lately.

I've been lurking around this forum for awhile now...along with a few other forums. Every now and then I'll come across someone talking about how they've lost friends after they lost weight.

Does anyone have any experience or thoughts about this? It's hard to imagine any of my friends leaving me because of losing weight...but I'm already starting to see subtle differences. I'm not sure what it's related too...maybe my own increased confidence. When I was heavier I was quieter, more willing to put up with crap I guess.

I don't know...random thoughts. What do you guys think? Has this happened to you?

[Universityprincess]

I haven't had this problem as of yet because my best friend and I are working on losing weight together but my mom has had this issue. She gradually lost about 140 pounds and now she gets negative reactions from family members. They say ignorant things such as "when are you going to quit losing all of that weight." My dad used to talk about my mom's weight, but now that she is losing, he likes to throw in comments like, "you don't have to lose weight for me." I truthfully think that it has something to do with the confidence in themselves. Maybe when you were heavier, they could always consider you the fat friend and now that you are losing weight, your friends are becoming less confident in themselves. If they needed you being fat to feel comfortable with themselves, then you dont need them anyway...but it still sucks.

[JustForUs]

I haven't experinced that YET. but I did lose a great amount of kids once I had my daughter. Kinda crappy to find out who your "real" friends are. Some of bEST friends FOR YEARS! have only seen her maybe once or twice. I think its a jealousy thing. Im more settled, have a house, a great family, secure job. Where they are still lokoing for the one, partying all the time. same situation in a weird way.
Im the biggest one out of all my friends, and I think yes once I lose all my weight I think it will happne all over again. It just shows that, you are better off with out them.

[miss michelle]

I haven't had any reaction for the most part (most of my friends are pretty healthy), but i do sometimes have problems when i go out to eat. one of my friends (the girl who i have been friends with the longest!) gives me the most evil look when i order a salad with the dressing on the side, and then orders the philly cheesesteak (or something like that). it's really hard for me to sit next to her oozing cheese and fries...well only for a second, because then i realize why i wear a smaller size than her! don't worry about other people's negativity, just worry about finding happiness with your own body.

[paperclippy]

I haven't had to deal with any problems from friends, since I have no friends! Okay, not true, but all my friends live in different states and different parts of the country (we were scattered after graduation from college), so I haven't seen any of them in months. The only person who sees me all the time is my bf, and he likes me whatever weight I am (besides, I'm now a little less than I weighed when I met him, so it's not like he has never seen me this thin really).

We have some friends from college who live in Boston, and one of them has a sister (and that sister has a fiance) who lives in RI, so we will be getting together with all of them this Saturday to go to the beach. This will be the first time I've seen two of them since I graduated last May, and they have not seen me since my high weight. I don't think it will bother them though (my guess is they won't even notice!).

I got a positive reaction when I saw my bf's family a couple weeks ago. They hadn't seen me since my high weight either, and his Grandma was very impressed (that I had "turned my life around," I think she said -- sure makes me wonder what she thought of me before!). Anyway, I think if a friend leaves you because you are trying to improve your life, then you probably don't want them anyway. The best friends will support your dieting efforts. There might be a little while of tension, but I think if someone starts making inappropriate comments to you or something, then don't give up on them until you've had a couple serious talks about it with them.

I have a funny story though . . . one of my friends knows that I have been dieting, and is always saying she needs to lose weight herself (which she doesn't BTW, she is already thin) and she is out of shape and stuff. She came up from NYC to visit a while ago, and brought us a big bag of chocolate caramel popcorn as a hostess gift! I thought it was pretty funny, I don't think it even occurred to her that it was a temptation from my diet (I did end up eating about 1/3 of the bag, my bf ate the rest). We have been friends since childhood, so I have never been the "fat friend" or anything with her.

Okay, I'm just rambling now (can you tell I'm avoiding working on my research?).

[macdeez]

A very close friend of mine for the last 9yrs used to be very thin (I'm talking 110 soaking wet) while I was slightly bigger (20 or so lbs but also quite a lot shorter in height). Over the years I've really battled the bulge... going up and down on an almost constant basis.

She and I had this unspoken agreement: I was her chubby friend. And would be regardless of what number the scale read.

I moved away for a few years and had a baby. Then upon my return, she and I weighed about the same (160ish) but I was still her chubby friend. She's made comments about my size, etc. And I took it all.

Now, however, she's on the gain and I'm on the lose (nearly 20lbs gone). And guess what? I'm still her chubby friend. I've always been supportive of her, encouraged her if she was trying to shed a few extra lbs, but never got the same back. Instead, she would try and set me up for failure.

It's to the point now that I realize I could weigh what she did when we first met and she would still regard me in the same manner she always has. That's her issue. That's for her to deal with. I figure that in the end, she's the one losing the friend, not me. Afterall, a friend is someone who cheers you on every step of every mile, not someone who thinks of you as anything less than amazing.

~mel

[luvmycurves]

The subtle differences will turn into huge differences.

I won't bore you with the details, but my best friend of 13 years had GB and lost 120+pounds. We are still close, but her life has changed tremendously. She goes out all of the time and literally hangs out with and gets hit on by celebrities, regularly. (I know this from others telling me, not just her) She lives in a new town and none of her current friends know she used to be fat.

We are still close, but I can't even relate to that lifestyle at ALL. Also, when I bring up weight-related topics, she changes the subject as if she feels uncomfortable. It's very awkward and weird.

The funny thing is, I was "model thin" in HS. Now I'm 260 lbs.