[mandi78]

Does OA help you learn to deal with issues from your past that might be causing you to eat compulsively/binge eat or does it just focus on the here and now and learning how to stop the habit? I have not always been overweight. As a child, I was always a healthy weight. In high school and college, I was at the higher end of my ideal weight but I have always been very muscular. I thought at the time I was fat but there was really nothing fat about me. It has just been since I have been out of college that it has started. Actually it started almost immediately after college which has been 5 years now.

In other words, is there a reason that I feel the need to overeat? I have a lot of issues with my dad...he was always very controlling, sometimes just mean and hateful and was never there for us. He and my mom were married the whole time we were growing up (they are not now) but in his mind, us girls were her responsibility. He did pay the bills but did not offer emotional support and was not really involved in our lives. He was also mean and controlling of my mother and I have a lot of problems with that because she always went out of her way and beyond the call of duty to be a good wife.

I know that I need to just let go and forgive but I have not been able to. I have been to counseling a few years ago and thought I had dealt with it but I know that I really have not. Now, my dad wants to be a part of our lives, wants to be there for us, wants to have a relationship and he does not understand why we (my sister and I) dont accept him with open arms. There is no bond there. I have never had the nerve to be mean to him and I feel obligated to him but I also know that is just another way that he is still controlling me.

Sorry, I did not mean to get into all of that but was just wondering if anyone might have any insight and if you think OA would be able to help me deal with some of this as I think it has some to do with my overeating problems or if I would benefit more from additional counseling. I really cannot afford counseling and my insurance does not cover mental health.

Thanks.
Mandi

[Blessed and Free]

Mandi,
Welcome!
As far as your question about OA goes, I can only speak for myself, I'm sure the other gals here have had different experiences. For me, OA helps me to not pick up food to deal with life. The car breaks down, the kids are screaming, my husband is late coming home, my parents aren's speaking to me....that kind of stuff. And everyday situations as well.
I would strongly suggest that you try to check out a face to face meeting ( you can go to www.oa.org to find a listing of meetigns close to you). Really the only requirement is the desire to stop eating compulsively. If you feel like that, then OA may be able to help you.
As far as dealing with the past vs the here and now - the answer for me is BOTH. OA has helped me to deal with crap fromthe past (letting it go) and stuff that is happening now, like today.
I wish you good luck and will keep you in my prayers. I'm sure the other gals will have stuff to share about their experience too.

[CackyDoodle]

I'm still feeling rather new to the program. I also would encourage you to check it out for yourself, because only you can decide if it's a good fit or not.

I eat for a variety of reasons -- mostly to deal with emotions, good bad and indifferent. anger, sadness, fear, loneliness, frustration...and boredom.

OA has taught me how to be honest with myself, and realize that food serves one purpose, and that purpose is not to make people like me, give me control of situations I can't control, calm my anger fear loneliness frustration or boredom.... and those come up because of the past as well as the present.

i love it. i hope you'll check it out and see if it's right for you.

[ellis]

Mandi, I didn't get a chance to welcome you earlier, but we're so glad you've chosen to join us!!

I can relate to much of what you've said. I was slim and muscular in high school and college (was running every day), but like you, thought I was fat. Oh, to be 128 again.

My father was a very good man, but he wasn't able to show us that he loved us, and I always felt that he placed high expectations on me. Throughout my late teens and into my early 30's, I was very angry (silently, of course) with him. It finally struck me that he was the way he was because of issues in his own past, and it wasn't my responsibility to fix them. I couldn't change my Dad, and learned to accept that what he was giving me in terms of showing me love was the very best he could do. I know that he didn't want to be the way he was, but he couldn't change. A generational thing.
I wish it hadn't taken me so long to forgive him for being the way he was, but there it is. Now I see a therapist to deal with the fact that my mother cares only for herself, even though she readily gives me "words of love".
It's sad that it can take us so long to come to terms with our past. I hope that you resolve things much sooner than I did. (well, I still haven't. )

You have so much in the States that we don't have, but I wish so much that you had our free (albeit, flawed) health system. It's something that we take for granted here. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for three years, and it's really helped with a lot of stuff. BUT, it hasn't helped with my eating disorder, and sometimes I think that my entire life revolves around that problem.

I think that when we use food to self-medicate, it only compounds the problems. We're not facing up to what is really wrong in our lives. If you can "get a grip" on the eating, and simply eat to live, then you'll have an easier time of moving on and addressing your other issues.

I've only been to a handful of OA meetings, but I am planning on going back because I see the good in them. I hope that you find value in them, too.
Sending you love and prayers, Mandi...