[This is me]

Does dieting trigger old habits of ed's or was your diet the start of the ed?


After having a eating disorder, it is so hard to live with food. A psychologist said something to me once which is so true. She said 'at least alchoholics can take drink out of the equation, but for people recovering with ed's they have to learn how to cope with their 'substance'.

My problems stem from my personality traits below. I am sure I am not the only one that has these characteristics as i think they are common amongst people with ed's. How can you overcome these ways of thinking? Can you use them to your own advantage? Have you had similar experiences? It would be good to share our thoughts on this.

Obsessiveness: Once a start a diet/healthy eating regime I cannot think about anything else - it takes over my life. I search the web constantly, read books, set up 'diet' files etc. Sad i know! - but its an obessiveness i cannot control.

All or nothing thinking: I either want to eat minimal amounts for the fear that 'once i start i cant stop!' or I want to eat anything and everything.

Perfectionism: I want to do it perfectly so If i have I piece of bread too much I quit and 'binge'.

Set to high a goals: I want to see all the results now and expect things to happen over night. So when things dont happen that way I get disheartened and give up.

Impulsiveness: I have urges are food that are uncontrollable.

Comfort eating: I eat to block out my feelings. Lonely? Then I eat. Unhappy? Then I eat. Bored? Then i eat.

Low self-esteem: I live away from home and am so embarrassed to go back to my (small) home town for the fear that people will talk about my weight gain. I make my self socially isolated due to embarrassment. Then when Im by myself I eat. Viscious circle.

Do you ever feel the same way? Share your thoughts/hints/tips/ideas...

Thanks,

Marie

[beck_in_oz]

WHich of the above do I suffer from as an annorexic and now overweight?
Every single one of them!
Obsessiveness - i am talking/thinking/worrying about what im eating on this new plan constantly.
All or nothing thinking - thats how i got overweight, if I cant be annorexic il just eat everything, its too hard otherwise
Perfectionism - Dont feel like this is all that good at the moment but i think thats how i got into trouble, anything less than perfect is unacceptable, and only for me, i dont mind if others arnt perfect, as long as i am.
Set too high goals - I have to loose as much as possible as quick as possible, i spose u then set urself up for failure using the all-or-nothing idea...
Impulsiveness - I have found that planning meals and food really helps with this, previously if i didnt think ahead, once in the situaion i could justify anything on the impulse
Comfort eating - for the first time i didnt either eat or get drunk for comfort recently, it was hard and im very dependant on it...
Low self-esteem - I dont really know how bad this is, i just ahve always felt the same way... i spose if i get eating in control i might be able to feel better about myself...

I am working on all of these art the moment, its extremely hard and im hoping they dont take over and end up with an ED again.... i dont think i could fight my way outa it twice!!!

[ToniMarie]

Well, for me, I became anorexic before I ever knew what a diet was... I vividly remember the first summer. I did NOTHING but work out all summer long and I was only 12 years old. For the first time, my mother was complementing me. I was doing literally a few thousand sit ups a day, playing volleyball for hours on end, but I wasn't eating. She knew...she saw...her daughter lived on ice cubes and lettuce!

As for the list of things...here's how I fall...

Obsessiveness: I am not very obsessive. I am too scattered to become obsessive. I obsess over guilt and feelings, but not over tasks.

All or nothing thinking: I don't really have this sort of fatalistic attitude, I don't think. I rationalize w/myself too much...making deals and such. I guess I do apply this to my life as a whole...that if part of it was bad, the rest is sub-par by default

Perfectionism: My perfectionism is to a point where if something is wrinkled, I throw it away and begin again regardless of the time constraint involved with the task. I think my perfectionism and guilt over the lack of perfection is my main problem. I see my life, and myself, as tainted and broken. so much so that no matter how successful I become, I can't imagine anything overshadowing the **** of my past. Weird.

Set too high goals: It's a pretty common theme amongst depressed people that they will set themselves up to fail...b/c the failure is what they know...and therefore, more comfortable than the new playing field of success. I totally do this...a lot...even though no one therapist will call me depressed. I do things like immediately destroy a relationship before it gets a chance to destroy me. It's fun being messed up.

Impulsiveness: I definitely have impulsivity problems. I have learned through various sources that this could be linked to ADD. I want, desperately, to try a stimulant medication to see if my symptoms could be lessened by finally treating a disorder diagnosed in the mid 80s!

Comfort eating: I eat to relieve stress. Eating a cheeseburger and fries keeps me from eating for at least 12 hrs...frees up time to do other things. If I eat normally, I have to feed myself frequently...that takes time that I am not willing to give myself. I ate once today...Checkers. Unhealthy, but time efficient.

Low self-esteem: Ironically, I am kinda cocky about my looks. I used to joke that I had reverse body dysmorphic disorder b/c no matter how high my weight climbed...I saw myself at least 50lbs thinner than I was at the time. I think I am a cute girl BUT I am haunted by my past. I do not think that anything I will ever accomplish can undo all of the bad things that went down the last 26 years...and that those basically make life a lost cause. Stupid huh?? I move forward, and am successful, but it's not without that inner nagging that things were horrible in childhood to a point where I am more broken than is fixed within a lifetime.

[funniegrrl]

What you've described is common with ALL addicts. Not all addicts will identify strongly with every single one, and they will be at different levels in different people, but yeah -- these traits are what makes any sort of substance abuse possible in the first place. My best friend is a recovering alcoholic and I'm a compulsive overeater. We are scarily alike in these regards. And mind you, the obessiveness or whatever doesn't have to do JUST with our substance -- I mainfest obessessiveness/compulsiveness in all areas of my life.

So, you're not alone by far. I think you'll find that for some people the dieting brought out brought the traits to the surface, but they were there all along. For example, my brother moved to an area a few years ago that has a lot of legal casinos, whereas he'd probably never been to one before that. He is now in a recovery program for gambling addiction. He'd never had a problem before, but he definitely shares a lot of these traits with me (he's overweight, too). So, whether it's eating, or NOT eating, or alcohol or drugs or gambling or shopping ... the "substance" of choice provides a reward that lights up the circuitry. Because of the traits, that reward becomes more important to us than it does to people without them. Thus the term "addictive personality."

[ta_evans]

I can so relate to what you are saying. I'm always hearing my ED is all mental, talking about it doesn't seem to help but provides a temorary vent or relief for me I think. I have yet to be able to conquer it.
Obsessiveness: I'm not sure what I'm obsessed with, maybe my definitions aren't correct. But my stress copes have been the same obsessive compulsive routines every time, shop, smoke, eat, clean the house, go to the gym for hours on end and feel like I didn't do enough. And I've always been obsessed with getting my father's approval.

All or nothing thinking: I want the best relationship, have the cutest kid, be the prettiest wife in his eyes, 1 out of 3 ain't bad I guess. I don't think I obtain this in my life so I settle for seconds or become content with out it, so why wish for it. Though my son is absolutely gorgeous.

Perfectionism: I want to be fit, not flabby, not rounded, not cute. I want ppl to look at me and say, that girl has a fit body. I'm not even worried about being sexy, go figure. Although god I wish my breasts since the age of 12 didn't hang so much, can't fix that unless I had money.

Set to high a goals: I want to make my fiance happy, I want to be desired, I want my son to be proud and my father to show pride. I feel I can't do any of these things enough or at all, so why do I keep trying?

Impulsiveness: I can cut down to 5 cigarettes a day, but when stress sets in, I go from that to a pack instantaneously and from healthy eating to B/P.

Comfort eating: I also eat to block out my feelings. Lonely, feeling unconnected, unwanted or a burden, unsexy, not a good mom, ugly and fat.

Low self-esteem: I think I felt self-esteem once in 1991.