Greetings to all lurkers and posters.
This is going to be a new thread topic focused on "studying" Dr Phils The Ultimate Weight Solution
We invite you to read the entire book or take it one chapter at a time, following the discussion within this thread.
Each Sunday we will start discussing a new chapter for that week.
This will be a 12 week program. We hope all of you join in every week.
If you just now found this site... be sure and go back and read all the threads for each previous chapter we did.
If you are joining us late... just go back and read each chapter and add your comments in that chapters thread. Be sure to let us know in the current thread so we can go back and read your comments.
It is recommended you have a pen, pencil and/or a colored highlighter with you as you read.
Mark every word, sentence, phrase or paragraph that hit home for YOU.
Read each chapter as if you are going to be tested .. (You're not going to be tested)
Then come to this thread and share what hit home for you... what you took away with you from that chapter and how you are incorporating it into YOUR life.
Feel free to post often ... you may get a dozen different topics you want to share per each chapter.
I know many can read the entire book in an evening... others will need a week... while some of us may need the entire 12 weeks. There are 12 chapters ... plus a few extra topics at the end. But the idea of this thread is to share what we learned from each chapter and learn from others insights.
You do not have to be a Dr. Phil fan... many here are not. BUT... let's face it... we can all learn something new that just might be what will make a difference.
Each Sunday anyone can feel free to copy and paste this introduction and then start the new study.
Be sure to title it Book Study /Chapter #/ date-date
We are looking forward to reading everyones input.
You make the choices that create your emotional state. Make them in a rational, purposeful way, and you will stop the cycle of emotional overeating that has for too long perpetuated your weight problem.
That smacked me right in the face. Life IS what we make it and how we react to it.
I have done a lot of work on healing emotions over the past few months. I don't think I do nearly as much anymore. I'm sure it does sneak in every now and then. But, I do acknowledge that it was emotional eating that started my weight gain years ago. Examples:
I remember coming home from school and mom was at work so it was just me and sometimes my brother. We lived in the country so I was essentially alone. I was bored and lonely. I ate for the comfort.
I was single for a long time and I continued to eat for comfort. And I needed lots of that comfort.
Or else I would come home from work and night classes and be too tired to cook so I'd order pizza. But it was a reward too.
I chose to use food as a comfort and reward instead of choosing to do something else.
I know I used food - but when you used the word "comfort" that hit me. I have thought of it as a "reliever of stress"; a tool to get through boredom; a friend when I am lonely; but never thought of it in the context of "comfort". It was, of course, but for some reason that word seems to be something I can deal with - Am I making any sense?
Any way, that is all I have to say so far because I feel totally disgusted with myself and my lack of weight loss.
I have NOT called myself names but still feel disgusted.
Something that has been on my mind today about the comfort of food. I'm not sure I articulate it in the time left on my laptop battery (about 13 mins).
When going out to a restaurant, I used to look at the menu and not be excited about the healthy entrees if I spied something that was 'loaded' - usually cheese, bacon, or fried. I felt like I wouldn't be satisfied without those fattier ingredients. It had to do with the sensation of those foods. I also didn't want to get to the end of the serving and not have more of the sensation. If it was a small serving, I'd look at it thinking I needed more which had nothing to do with being full. It had to do with the sensation.
The creaminess of macaroni and cheese was so comforting.
The creaminess of ice cream.
The crunchiness of something fried
The saltiness of fries
The melt in your mouth of hot fresh bread with butter
etc.
I'm finding that I'm not looking at food in those terms anymore. It might be about having good tasting food but satisfaction doesn't come from having the sensation anymore. Its made it easier to eat my portions and be okay that there wasn't more.
"You make the choices that create your emotional state" - I've always made choices according to my emotional state.
"Never in your life will you be without emotional pain and stress" - I have to learn more positive ways to deal with problems and stress; I have to stop thinking that life should be perfect.
Quote:
"...regaining emotional control in your life is one of the most important things you can do in order to stay the course without giving up on what you want."
Emotional audit = 43
Stress audit = 115
STRESS SCALE (pages 86-87):
The stressors I have experienced over the past 12 months are - #10 - significant negative medical diagnosis #14 - conflict between you and a parent
Emotional Audit 15 - I struggle with emotional eating at times but have room for improvement.
I have done a lot of work in this area. When I was in my 20's and 30's this was a big issue and I would have scored higher. But I got married and started going to church and learned that I have an outlet for my emotions other than food - praying for strength and guidance. It sneaks up occassionally - mainly a candy bar at work when it gets frentic - but not binge eating anymore.
I didn't score high at all on the stress test -
10 Overly demanding job responsibilities
20 Purchase of new car (car, bought the truck off the lease, and a new boat but now we're done for the year)
My main stress has been:
sick dog - but he's better
sick horse - now she's been evaluated
MIL - has her sister living in the same facility and MIL's family does not live up to her sister's wunderfamily - and she calls up my DH crying about how we don't do enough for her.
Mom - living on a 20 acre farm by herself and we want her to downsize her lifestyle because she's 73 and does too much.
Regaining Control -
Quote:
One of the most critical ways to stop this behavior is to change the way you think and how you interpret events in your life.
I have trained myself to remember that the only thing in life I can control is how I react to it. I cannot control other people. I cannot control all the events that happen in my life. I pray for God's will to be done and that I have the strength to face whatever is thrown my way. It isn't always pleasant. I also quit trying to "understand" everything that happens. I try not to ask - Why me? I might ask it but I don't get caught up in the emotional heaviness of it. I've come to understand that there are many things in life that happen and I will never have the answers. When Dad passed away, my sister spent a year fighting it emotionally. I grieved. But then I let it go because I knew that I would never have the answer to "Why NOW?" Sure I wanted it to be not true but I knew I could not undo it. She spent a year doing a lot of emotional eating.
Another thing I have trained myself to do is to think of the "big picture" when presented with a situation. Its because of my work that I think like this. I have to see all sides of a problem and make decisions on the "appropriate business course for the company" not my individual preference. That carries over to my way of thinking about other life events. I see more than my own emotions. That helps to relieve emotional stress as well.
I'm not perfect everyday but its my life motto and it has relieved a tremendous emotional burden I was carrying.
Step One: Take Ownership of Your Reactions
No one makes me eat but myself. As of today, no one has held a gun to my head and said....eat all that food. Its me. Its my reaction. Its my inability to be reasonable.
I liked this:
Quote:
The most important choice you have in light of a personal tragedy is what you do now. The past is over. The future hasn't happened yet. The only time is now.
Hey ladies - don't have any time to post my thoughts on Chapter Five right now, just wanted to pop in & say "hi" and let you know that I'm still reading & taking notes etc. I was even able to read on my soggy camping weekend . Hopefully I'll have time this weekend to put my two cents worth in.
Just call me SANDRA No, I was never molested, or sexually attacted as a child, but my "traumatic" event in my life left the same mark. I too had an adult body at an early age, and instead of being embarassed about it, I gloried in it. I had a great figure, I got lots of admiring looks and comments, and I loved it.
I'm getting deep in here and if anyone doesn't want to read the rest, just skip this post. I feel I have to be totally honest with myself, and with you to be able to get on with the job at hand. (To rid myself from this negative thinking and be able to lose this weight)
DH & I were married right out of high school, and he was a very large (overweight) person, and I gloated in the fact that people asked him how such a lump like him ended up with such a hot chick. (Not the words they used back in the sixties, but who can remember the words, I've got the feelings right!)
Then when I was 28 years old I was dx'ed with breast cancer. I lost my right breast, and with it went all of my self esteeme. I KNOW it's not rational, I KNOW I should be happy I'm alive, I KNOW God answered prayers, I KNOW there's more to me than a set of boobs, But that is it point in my life when I gained my weight and everytime I start to loose and my waist becomes visable, I unconsiously sabatoge myself with thinking "what difference does it make" "I'll never be able to wear sexy clothes again" "What if people notice that my boobs don't match?" and like Sandra the weight creeps back up.
And yes, I've had professional counseling, several times, but somehow I've never let them dig deep enough to really help me. Also I has my mastcetomy back in the dark ages, before the idea or reconstruction was even thought of. That has been another sabatoge agent. I used to make it my goal to loose enought weight and keep it off so that I could have reconstruction, but I guess when I would get close, I'd get afraid I'd have to follow through with it and yep, you guessed it, more weight gain!
But things have gone well for us, we've been married for 37 years, have to great kids, a great grandson, a good business, and everything is going well for us. We are very active in our Church and both are very comfortable with our relationship with God. Things were fine, and we really didn't focus on our weight for a long time, then DH's weight got to the point where it interfered with his quality of life, and after much soul-searching and prayer and research, he decided to have WLS. It saved his life, even though it almost killed him first. He has lost about 130 pounds and kept it off, it able to have a life again, and is doing great.
I thought that by him having surgery and me having to "care" for him, I'd lose weight by osmossis. But guess what, it didn't work that way. I think knowing that he couldn't eat much just made me eat more!!! Yep, I've gained while he lost. I wanted to have surgery, but because of the problems he has had, he will not even let me talk about it, much less do it. And yes, I know, it's my decision, but I really want to be able to loose it on my own.
So maybe by finally acknowledgeing my internal thinking, and not denying it, I can set it free and finally get this show on the road.
One thing that came to mind when thinking about excavating my emotions is I avoid confrontation. ALWAYS AND ANY WAY I CAN.
Basically because I don't know how to act in that situation. My whole body freezes and I literally can't speak. Even if my life depended on it.
I never learned how and have always beleived it's better to think things through - and then ignore it. Well, that's how I have done it anyway!!
My heritage is Scandinavian and we are known for not showing our emotions. However all of the relatives I have met from Norway and Sweden are not overweight - interesting. I should have asked them now they do it.
And as I have said in the past I still see myself as thin. I wear baggy clothes and don't "think" I look as bad as I do, which is why pictures really freak me out. They force me to see myself as I really am.
I have also started to look at myself in the mirror naked face the truth. I figure if nothing else it should give me incentive not to eat so much. The hardest to admit is how ashamed I am that I have let myself get this fat. It amazes me, actually.
I have also started a list of people I want to confront for hurting me. Even over small things. I have always - Poo Pooed - that idea believing what they said or did really didn't matter - I am a grown up - but maybe Dr. Phil is right !!! Has anyone else done this? Maybe write them letters and burn them ????
Lucky are you sure we are not sisters? I could have written that post all the way to the part where you started writing the list. I think this book is too deep for me, every time I read it, I want to think "I don't want to hear this!!!"
I have to get this typed and posted before, as in the past, I chicken out. This issue is part of my life and is not meant to offend anyone, it is MY experience.
Chapter 5 keeps running around in my head. In the past I have thought about issues or experiences in my life that brought me to the way I am now, didn’t immediately think of anything so I went on. This time I keep thinking and thinking – THINGS are coming to me!!! So, here is one of them.
When I was thirteen I as helping my Mom look for some papers. I came across their marriage certificate. I was excited to see it. My Mom gasped and grabbed it from my hands and told me to stay out of that file. Well, of course, the first time my parents were gone guess where I went.
I was still excited – until I saw the date of their marriage – a mere 3 months before my birth.
Remember this is over 50 years ago and “things” were different then.
I was shocked. I can still feel the tightness in my chest as I realized – my parents “had” to get married because of ME !!!!!!!! I immediately called my best friend and bawled for hours with her on the phone. It didn’t even matter that her parents “had” to get married because of her. (she never felt any guilt at all but that didn’t matter to me) All I could feel and remember was my Mom ripping that paper from me and forbidding me to look at it. THAT one moment has stayed in me. SHAME!!!! My Mom was ashamed of me. I was proof she made a mistake and everything wrong with her life was because of me. It’s no wonder I felt unloved. I took on all the crap in the family from then on. I still do.
I felt it was my fault every time my parents had a disagreement – for without me they wouldn’t be together ergo no argument and could have married someone they loved. I mean, face it, getting married 3 months before my birth certainly indicates they didn’t want to get married. My Mom’s family didn’t like my Dad – again my fault for being the cause of him being stuck with these in-laws.
I know you will all think I am nuts but these are the thoughts I have carried in me so: – My Mom was a schoolteacher – she loved it. I believe she had it in her to be someone who could change many lives for the better. She was very intelligent and forward thinking. However, she was in small town USA teaching 3rd grade. I always felt if she had had the choice she would have remained single so she could dedicate herself to her school kids. When I was 18 she died. I feel she chose to die to escape a life she hated and who trapped her in that life – me.
Now I know all the logical responses – it was my Mom & Dad who chose to have sex – apparently without taking any precautions. I know it’s probable they did love each other to some degree. But none of that changes that feeling of shame I carry that took root in me that day Mom tore that marriage certificate from me.
I have often wondered how different it would have been if she let me read it. Would I have even noticed the dates? And if I had, I know there are millions of people who “caused” their parents marriage. They are happy, well adjusted, and never even think about it. I brought this up to my cousin once, who’s parents “had” to get married too and he said he has never felt any guilt, ever – never crossed his mind.
The ONE good thing from knowing this was that when I was in high school I never let any guy, no matter how much I cared for him, have sex with me. I wasn’t going to “ruin” my life too. WOW, typing that kind of shook me up – because I chose to NEVER have children. When I was in my late 20’s I made sure of it by having my tubes tied. (by the way NO ONE knows I did this but you, me and the doctor. Mums the word!!!)
Back to SHAME. I always felt “less than”, not “good enough”. I keep trying to remember my life before that day. Nothing really stands out but I seem to remember having all the same hopes and dreams every young girl has. Fall in love, be worshipped, and adored, get married have a family – live happily ever after – that’s how it works, right?
I have worked on this issue before but never in relation to my weight. I didn’t realize until this chapter that it affected my weight since I didn’t get fat until 30 years later. I suppose with all the shame I need the fat to protect me.
Do we EVER get over our wounds? Or do they just “lay low” for a while only to resurface? My hope is that confession is good for the soul and weight loss.
Okay, I am posting this before I delete it, which I have thought of doing a couple times. I am not good at this!!! Now you will all know how nuts I am!!!
Book Study/Chapter 5/May 30-June 5
Am I making any sense?
Barb!!!!!
Well, that's how I have done it anyway!!
face the truth. I figure if nothing else it should give me incentive not to eat so much. 
The hardest to admit is how ashamed I am that I have let myself get this fat. It amazes me, actually.
Well, of course, the first time my parents were gone guess where I went. 
