[BostonGirl44]

Hi everyone, I was wondering if you can give me some perspective....
I am 20 years old, and weight 195 pounds. When first coming to college, I weighed 145. I gained this weight after going on Prozac for anxiety disorder.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and almost 2 months. He is my BEST FRIEND. When we met and started dating I was 145. Now, 50 pounds heavier, I have finally decided it's time to lose the weight! THrough the whole weight gain, the only comment Bryan ever made was that I was beautiful. He acted like he didn't even notice me gaining weight. When I told him I wanted to lose, he told me that he would support me and help me, even diet with me, if that's what I wanted, but if I didn't want to lose weight that was perfectly fine, too; he likes me the way I am.
My problem is this....I am afraid that I will lose the weight and change. I am afraid my feelings for him will change, or I will find out I am still with him just because I was comfortable and couldn't "get" anyone else. I am nervous I will change because I will have more confidence, and be tempted to go out with other men. I am nervous I will get hit on more, and then convince myself I need to see other people.
This is stemming from the anxiety disorder, but it is holding me back. My boyfriend has told me everything will be fine, and maybe instead of the negatives, I will gain MORE confidence, be happier with myself, and stop worrying.
HELP ME!!!! What do you guys think about this? Am I crazy? Will I change for the worst? HE is me BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD, and I love him and have so much fun with him. Advice PLEASE!!!!

[mistiel]

When we do lose weight, we do have more appeal to others just as we do ourselves. He is with you now, even at your HW. You can't forget that and there is one thing that you can not forget - When you do lose weight, don't let it go to your head. You are still the same person, you just feel better and have a healthier outlook on life.

You are sure to get hit on more. Don't be tempted by flattering men that just want you for your body. If they aren't hitting on you now, who wants them anyway?

Your boyfriend has stuck it with you and its apparent that your weight doesn't bother him. He is a winner! Stick through!

Mistie

[MichelleRae]

mistie you hit the nail on the head!!! Boston you want someone who wants to be with you for you not because you have a nice body Its all about the personality and you obviously have a wonderful companion who is very supportive of you just remember that

Take Care!!

[kona]

“I am afraid my feelings for him will change, or I will find out I am still with him just because I was comfortable and couldn't "get" anyone else.”

Sounds to me like you are having doubts now. Do you feel like you’ve settled?

You seem to be anticipating something that has not yet happened. If the relationship you are in right now is not what you want then move on. Don’t look for excuses to get out like maybe future weight loss will change you. Your intuition is your intuition at 100 pounds or 300. As hard as this may sound, you need to decide how you feel with no influence from the feeling you have about your weight.

“I am nervous I will change because I will have more confidence, and be tempted to go out with other men.”
If you find that you really are happy with your boyfriend and want to make it work the confidence you will gain from weight loss will strengthen you not make you weaker. The temptation to cheat is a weakness not at all a sign of strength or confidence.

Also, think about this: When you lose weight and start getting more looks or advances ask yourself this question: Where were these men when I was heavier? If someone notices you now and likes the person that you are despite the few extra pounds, they are seeing you for the right reasons. If they only take note of you after loosing the weight they are probably interested for the wrong reasons.

That being said, I wish you well in your pursuit for a healthier life. Despite what happens with the men in your life now or in the future don’t ever stop respecting yourself. That is the sexiest quality you can posses.

[MojoJodie]

BostonGirl, I too am a worrier, I used to see danger in every corner and hate change like the plague. I have been too heavy for about 8 years now, and for too long I really didn't want to lose, because I was afraid. I particularly was scared over my marriage, because I always asked myself what I would do if I lost the weight and my DH treats me differently, better? Mind you, he is a wonderful man who loves me and finds me beautiful and desirable and isn't afraid to tell me these things. But, I think I would have been watching for any small thing to prove he felt different about me thin. I worried about a breakup, I worried I would become shallow and vain, I just worried!

Okay, that being said, I got over it. I realized I was being my own worst enemy, my own stumbling block. I decided I wanted to lose weight, but not for any reason other than I want to feel the freedom of being light and strong. I don't care if the DH treats me different, I will BE different, so it is to be expected, right? It doesn't have to be a bad thing, because he loves me today. Positive change is good. Period. If you are making positive steps, positive things will happen. Don't be scared, we are all here for you, and it sounds like your BF is there for you also. Take comfort in this and have faith in yourself, it will all work out.

[shell83]

I say....if your feelings change, they Change. BUT way i see it is if you love him now and are happy with him now...then youre weight shouldnt change that in the future. He loves you fat or skinny, inbetween and all of the above. Losing weight is something you should want to do for youself, whether you lose it or not, don't lose it for anyone but yourself.