[RushTX]

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this group/website, which I found while searching for weight loss support forums. There was one website I used to frequent years ago, but I can't for the life of me remember the name of it.

I didn't post in the Introductions section, mostly because I just need some help and support - so I decided to start here. I will tell you a little bit about my weight issues and problems I'm having -

I never had a problem with my weight until after I had kids, after age 30. My son was born when I was 31, and my daughter when I was 35. I'm currently 48 I was one of the lucky ones who could eat ANYTHING and not gain an ounce....until now.

I've always been a junk food junkie. I love my burgers and fries, fried chicken, you name it.

The thing is though, I don't eat much. In fact, I don't have much of an appetite during the day. But that increases at night. I'm a night owl, and the recent quarantine has made it possible for me to stay up as late as I want, and so I have been. That will need to change in the Fall when my daughter's co-op school starts back up. We'll have to get up in the morning and go to school two days a week! But anyway, I don't usually get really hungry until later in the day. Here's an example of a typical day for me far as food goes (warning, it ain't good):
Wake up around 10 AM - have a couple of cookies or pieces of chocolate candy (something high in sugar), go back and lie down about an hour until my Vyvanse meds (for ADHD) kick in to get me awake and alert.
We get something fast food (like McDonalds maybe) for lunch around 1 PM or so. I have the big mac meal without lettuce, which I take apart and remove half the sauce and the middle bun. I eat about 1/2 to 2/3 of the burger and probably less than 1/4 to 1/3 or the fries. With sweet tea, which I drink some of, and it lasts me the rest of the day.
Dinner - we either have a frozen dinner or something else delivered, like pizza.
We eat out a LOT - neither my husband nor I like to cook, so we don't most of the time. Occasionally though, we'll "cook" one of the following: he makes burgers, one of us makes Hamburger Helper, or I make spaghetti (with my special homemade sauce).
And then LATER when I'm awake and everyone is in bed, often I'll have frozen dinner (Healthy Choice pasta bowl of some kind) - around 2 AM. This kinda depends on how much I was able to eat during the day. I don't eat much of the meals during the day, like I mentioned, usually about 1/2 of it, but I eat the whole dinner thing at night.
And I suck on my gummies throughout the rest of the time. I don't crave regular food, I crave sugar.

I know our diet is bad. My husband also needs to lose weight, but at least he is exercising....his appetite is bigger than mine though. But my biggest problem is sugar addiction. I can't see how to change this. One thing, I'm a former smoker and quit several months ago. I replaced that addiction with an addiction to gummy candy. I suck on them to keep from craving cigarettes. I use a vape as well, but mostly the candy. I eat a whole bag of Haribo gummy cherries over the course of 24-48 hours. I do NOT want to start smoking again, but I also know that I NEED to lose this weight. I feel bad about myself, and I feel bad physically. My body isn't used to carrying around this weight. My back hurts when I go shopping (even a short trip), my knees hurt, my legs hurt. I have a tummy that sticks out that I can't suck in, and I HATE it.

And my activity level? Nada. I sit. I work on my computer and play games, and I sit in my chair. I've always hated any type of exercise, so it's hard for me to get started with anything and even harder to stick with it. But we do have an exercise bike (that I bought to use but don't).

Bottom line, I'm so depressed about the way I look that I can't seem to get up and make changes. And it is so overwhelming, all of the diets and websites, even this one - all the tips and suggestions all together, I don't know what to do first.

And that's my question - is there somewhere I can find simple baby steps for making these lifestyle changes? Somewhere I can find a plan of action that can be customized for me? Or can someone reading this make a recommendation for me? I need some goals but something that is attainable, so I can get some motivation. What should we do first?
It would be awesome if we could find a program both hubby and I can do together. I know this would help motivate us both. This has affected our intimacy as well. We love each other deeply but we both just feel so big that it's hard to feel sexy (if that makes sense).

Oh, far as numbers, I'm 5'5" and weigh around 185. DH is 6' and weighs around 235 I think. I'd like to get down to 140 (or less), not sure what DH's goal is, just whatever is an ideal healthy weight probably.

Sorry if this was long and thanks for reading!

Rushell

[Sundove]

Hi Rushell,
Welcome to 3FC! Congrats for stopping smoking!! You have a track record of success and can use that to tweak those things that helped you stop smoking. Not easy, but you already know that. There is a very simple set of steps that work well for me. The goal is to get refined sugars out of your way of eating. It’s almost guaranteed to result in quieting cravings and that feeling wanting to eat when you aren’t hungry.

I do this in steps. First I would eliminate sweets, including the gummies and tea. No limits on anything else. Artificially sweetened things work for me. ( fyi the gummies are a risk for tooth decay, to give you another reason to switch to artificially sweetened).

Once you feel okay without sweets, try giving up refined carbs, especially junk food carbs. You can use lettuce for a hamburger wrap instead of bread; pull the pizza topping off & toss in a salad. Discard the crust and bread parts.

Consider a support group like Weight Watchers or OA And here of course, though the forum has grown quieter.

Good Luck to you!

[RushTX]

Thank you, Sundove!

Unfortunately, dropping the sugar is the biggest challenge for me. I know it's a HUGE problem and most likely the cause for my weight gain. But I don't know how to let it go.

I don't mind eating healthier foods like salads, but yes I do eat a lot of carbs. Minimizing those, however, isn't nearly as difficult as getting rid of my sweets. Someday I might be able to handle it...

Like you said though, I DID quit smoking. Still, I have a crutch for that (actually two) - my vape and my gummies. Yep, it isn't easy.

Rushell

[asuzy]

I want to wish you luck and comfort with all you are going through. I know for me everything changed when I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. That became a starting point to get very serious where I never could before. So I wonder is there anything in your life that would be absolutely something that would help trigger you to stop before eating what you feel you should not. Whatever it is I hope you think of it and it gets you to hesitate or even stop an action. All the best. Sue

[FrankB]

RushTX : things aren't so bad, really !

You're 48, popped out 2 kids and ate at an age where most women and men have gotten fat !

With your horrible diet and no motivation, plus a fat husband that probably doesn't mind your weight ?

It's a wonder you're only 30-40 lbs overweight

You are likely overly critical of yourself and probably very average if you compared yourself to the women from your high school class

Simply improving your diet will drop a few lbs

It took like 30 years to gain 40 lbs, you can't drop it in no time

You won't ever have your HS body back again
!

I'd bet you look typical,or better for your age and a mother of 2 be.

Improve your dietary habits a bit, you'll lose
A few lbs , without exercise,maybe get down to 170ish ?

An average American woman of 48 with 2 kids is expected to fat and flabby !

Most women are at your age !

I'm older than you and got really fat after age 40

You're feeling pooched out and flabby, well you're 48 !, After all

I think it's like a midlife crisis for you ?

Deal with it, you will survive !

[Sunrisesam]

Note: IT IS NOT FAT THAT MAKES YOU FAT. IT'S SUGAR!

If you really want to lose weight you need to be disciplined(cut sugar ) and focused.
I believe you can do it. I wish success in your weight loss journey.

I strongly recommend you check this "Custom keto diet plan" for a smooth weight loss journey on my signature

[William47]

hi Rush, im William. im no expert but i can share what ive been doing with limited success. first off i realize i dont really know what im doing, and obviously what ive been doing aint working. never dieted before but i tipped the scales at 400#. first thing i did was talk to my doctor! he also doesnt know that much about dieting but he knows some people who really do. fir st i talked to a diabetes doc who told me of some diets people are using, mainly Keto and Noom. she outlined sugars and there effects on my health. Keto...god i loved all the cheese, what? anyway, she sent me to a nutritionist who reviewed my diet and gave me changes to impliment immediatly, including intermittent fasting, calorie counting, and several methods to reduce caloric intake. basicaly its all about what you are shoving down your eating hole. So, back to Doc 1. he then sent me to a physical therapist, she is so beautiful i never miss an appointment. she is not bad looking on the outside either. we started slowly with small exercises and worked up to a regular workout. this has been going well no for 8 months and ive lost 75#. the journy continues. so im lurkin sites looking for sage advice and support. the one thing i took away was the rate of relapse. holy cow, stories of 5, 6 attemps are common. i realized if i wanted to continue losing and eventualy maintain i would need to address the core psychological reasons i found myself at 400lbs. im seeing a counselor and started OA. its like a faith based, 12 step approach, but they got good tipps and tricks. Im just looking for any magic bullet. i finally got in to see a therapist and i think we have made progress. So, this is my new self, New Willy is making the food decissions for today. i guess what im trying to say is...find a professional, someone who knows what they are talking about. no BS. no fads or conjecture, no lies or manipulation, just the facts.
So Rush...Sister, i hope this helps. reach out if you want. im new and dont have many online friends. U Can Do This.
Your new friend
William

[iopsydoc101]

I find trouble cutting sugar too. If I don't eat sugar I get headache and I feel blue.

[RushTX]

I just stopped by and want to thank everyone for the replies!

I'm still having trouble with the sweets. It's truly a HARD addiction! I was a smoker for over 20 years, and when I quit (a few months ago), I traded my cigarettes for Haribo's Happy Cherries. I eat a small bag (5 oz, 4 1/2 servings per bag) over a couple of days, so like within 48 hours. At other times, I vape. It's like I have to be doing something with my mouth.....

I'm heavy, my belly sticks out (which is new for me and I hate), but yet I don't have an appetite for any real food and can't eat....except for sugary stuff.

Anyways,

William - THANKS for the great advice. I did finally realize I was MISERABLE and have a doctor appointment this Thursday. They're going to do some blood work and test my hormone balance and thyroid function. I have ALL of the symptoms of hypothyroidism and have had thyroid problems in the past.

depressica - VERY good point, and you're exactly right!

Frank - you made some very good and true points. And that is EXACTLY the thought pattern that has gotten me through so far. But at this point, I'm in pain, my clothes don't fit, and I'm miserable (mood wise). So it's time to do something.

Rush


Thanks again

[gzgrl22]

I found that I had to cut the sugar out completely and once I did it, the cravings got less and less over a 2-3 week period, but if you aren't mentally ready to say "I am no longer going to do this to myself" and stay invested in making real change, then nothing will change and you will remain pretty much as you are right now. I have tried to diet without being in the right frame of mind and it is tough going. But when you finally reach that point when you seriously wake ready to go, it does become easier. ANd as sundove said-- start with one aspect, maybe not the hardest one, and every week add another piece of the puzzle until finally you are walking and eating whole foods and drinking water, and not eating sugar. One note -- there are sugar free candies you could be getting as a replacement. Not that they are great for you either as they still feed that sweet tooth but at least it isnt messing with your insulin as much as the sugary stuff. The thing is...what do you want more...some sugary junk now? or to fit in those clothes, feel healthier, and get back in control of your life???? You may need to ask yourself that many times a day at first but this is a head game and you have to commit to make progress. Hoping you can find your way.

[FrankB]

Somewhere around 5-5 150 at 48 is fine
That's close to limit of being overweight) borderline obese,but 185 isn't ridiculous fat , it's like average for your age.

It's not anything radically ridiculous, not like you're 249 or something and like 74 lbs overweight

[FrankB]

Techical 5-5 and 185 is a BMI
of 30.8, making you obese

149 makes you under 25, by a pound

That's like average realistically , especially given your diet

I eat crap also and I'm way fatter than you,like a 42 or so BMI

[Sweet Tea Sweetie]

Start by getting half sweet and half unsweet tea. Switch to sugar free gummies (as another poster said, they're not as healthy but they'll help you cut your sugar cravings). Eventually eat a few gummies with a few a little bit of fruit, like frozen frozen grapes or cherries (they're in season right now) for example. Then slowly wean yourself off the gummies. Make your own big mac sauce and hamburgers at home, and use multugrain rolls or bread. Since you don't cook much, instant mashed potatoes seasoned with parsley or garlic seasoning instead of fries. You're doing great by getting rid if half the bun already. Start blotting grease off pizza or anything fried. Remove half the breading (and blot!) with fried foods.
Start walking when you can. Even in place during commercials while watching tv.

I want to congratulate you on quitting smoking, that's wonderful!