anybody else get annoyed with people's notice of your losses?
So I know this post is going to make me sound like a whiney lunatic, but I need to know if other people felt this way at times. So I started this journey in April 2015 on a typical calorie counting diet(trying to be healthy eating fruits and veg and little fat). For the later part of 2016 and the first half of 2017 I was stuck in a plateau. I started doing a ketogenic diet and pretty quickly I hit my 100lb milestone of weight lost. Since July, I've dropped about 25lbs to give some reference. I still have a ways to go but in the last 2-3wks, so many people (I work in patient care with 5 other providers so I see a lot of people on a regular basis) have commented that I am losing so much weight or that I look so good. One would think that I would be happy with this, but I smile and say thank you while on the inside Im cringing. I am not sure why my inner self is finding it hard to take this compliment. Im wondering if its because I don't see the change in myself so I thinking "bullshit" or maybe bc I hate attention so it makes it painfully aware that people are looking at me enough to notice things about me when Im the type of person to happily live in a hooded sweatshirt under a rock. It could also be that they make such a big deal when they mention my change of appearance that it embarrasses me bc I can't believe I let myself go and let all that weight sneakily pack itself on me over the years. Its almost like when they say, "OMG you look so good, you've lost a ton of weight," I hear, "It's about damn time that you got your $hit together and stopped being a lazy fat @ss." That imaginary thing that I hear is so painful and hard to deal with bc as I'm sure many of you know, all those years that the weight snuck on my body, I wasn't just sitting around eating bon-bons. I was trying to eat right and was killing myself at the gym, and having tons of emotional guilt if I God forbid, I ate a slice of pizza. Does anybody who's been there have some insight? I'm trying to feel okay and take a compliment, but the visceral reaction of annoyance when people comment on my weight loss kind of blindsided me. I never expected to have this negative feeling about it.
It could also be that they make such a big deal when they mention my change of appearance that it embarrasses me bc I can't believe I let myself go and let all that weight sneakily pack itself on me over the years.
This, For me, I find it really uncomfortable when people comment on my weight loss, because what I hear is "Wow you were really really fat, weren't you". It makes me painfuly aware that while I had tried to ignore my obesity, others were indeed noticing it!!! I am also the type of person who never talks about her weight with friends. I see it as a private thing so people commenting on my weightloss really embarass me.
Kiwi: I could have written your post. I've had the EXACT thoughts over the years. I think, as a whole, people mean it as a compliment. You'll, unfortunately, always have snide remarks from certain people but I believe it's actually a reflection of how they're feeling about themselves. The only back-handed compliments I've gotten were from significantly overweight people and I think it was coming from a place of jealousy. Keep at it and try to just let it all roll off your shoulders. I will warn you that you will eventually get the "wow! you've lost a ton of weight! you look great! how much in total?" I HATE when people ask that. I usually "a lot" bc there's no way in **** I'm telling people I've lost 125+ lbs. Only this community and 1 people in real life, besides my doctors, know the exact number.
Thank you both for letting me know that I am not crazy. So far, I haven't had any back handed compliments(i think), but it is still hard for me to not think that they new I was super heavy. I have had a few people ask me how much and I just shrug it off and say, "oh Im not really sure" and try to change the subject. The only people I share my weight stuff with is this community and my mom and one of my best friends. They obviously both knows my ups and downs so I feel comfortable with them. Its even kind of awkward bc I need to update my dating profile pictures. They are from about 50lbs ago. I don't wanna seem like a reverse catfish.....lol.
Here's a number of people who know how much I weight: 0
Not even my lovely and dearly loved husband, none of my close friends and not even my doctor (whom I've always lied and underestimated my weight, because it become simply impossible for me to say such high figure out loud).
Now I don't think anyone who knows me in person would believe that: I seem so open about everything, so easygoing, so strong, always happy and smiling. Well, I'm all that, but my weight is the most private topics of all. I totally understand you shrug off the questions about how much you have lost: tha's my way too. I also won't discuss my diet. I just say I have five kids to run around and little time to eat, and I smile. People are generally satisfied with that. Nobody (almost) wants to hear you don't eat bread, pasta, rice or even fruits. Because people who need to lose weight themselves don't want to here that you have done it by being stronger, more reilisent and determined than they are.
All what I have said concerns a superficia chit-chat on the street, wih colleagues and people who are just too noisy and I don't know them very well. If a friend came to me and seriously asked what the *** have I done to lose so much weight, I will be happy to share more about my diet. But I don't share with strangers, and I don't share when I'm pushed out of someone's curiosity or their need to be judgemental of me.
Honestly, I have lost 30lbs and am looking forward to the time when people "notice" it and won't mind it a bit and will be glad to talk about the journey.
What I actually hate is when skinny people "pinch an inch" and complain about how fat they are to you. Like. Hellloooooo out there. Anybody home?
Last edited by grannynancy; 10-05-2017 at 10:26 AM.
I also get annoyed when people talk about my weight loss, but for a different reason. I don't actually mind that people knew I was fat, cuz 150ish extra pounds is hard not to notice. I would guess that most people have tried and failed to lose weight, whether they wanted to lose 100 pounds or 10 pounds, so I think most know and respect the struggle. The ones who have no concept of how challenging it can be because they were blessed with good genetics or a naturally small appetite or good self-control around food and choose to get judgey -- I really don't have it in me to really care about what they think. Listen - I have never struggled to control my alcohol intake. That doesn't make me better. That just makes me lucky. And if I ever figure out how to consistently control my weight, that will be an accomplishment, but still doesn't make me "better" than someone who's still struggling with this issue. Cuz how many things have they conquered in their lives that I am still struggling with. The whole thing can make me crazy.
And I'm totally off-topic. I hate the "you've lost a lot of weight!" conversations because it just gets old. I have lost 130ish pounds since April 2016. People have started to become more familiar with the way I look now, but after I'd lost about 50 pounds, it became a constant source of conversation and weird comments. I would go see someone about an urgent work-related matter, and have to complete the weight conversation first. Ugh. There's more to me than my physical appearance! My ploy? I hear "Wow! You look great!" and I respond with "Thank you! So do you! I love that color on you." Or "Your hair looks perfect today." I will have an in-depth conversation with someone who genuinely seems to want help, but I don't have any secrets for them.
Also, Kiwi, I love that profile pic. The way that you're smiling makes you look like a person I would want to hang out with.
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I believe it is very rude to ask someone about their weight, but people think they are giving you a compliment. Usually the most I will say to someone is "You look very nice." This may lead them to think "So, I didn't look nice before?" I think the reply "Thank you, you look nice, too" is great!!
You could stop them dead in their tracks by saying you have a medical problem. Or by asking point blank "So, I was really really fat before?"
Then there are those who I've seen post in this forum complaining that they've lost significant weight but no one has noticed. I guess they noticed, but have manners and tact and know not to bring it up.
Unfortunately, I have not lost enough weight to have anyone notice or comment on it. Just once in my life I want someone to tell me I'm getting too thin!
Its funny how perspective is different for everybody. Trust me, in the beginning I was hoping somebody would notice my progress, but now I just want to hide under a rock. Its just weird. I think its the big deal that people make of it that weirds me out. Honestly I am just the type of person that wishes people wouldn't notice me at all. Its also a huge contradiction of my life bc I am a dancer and I love to perform. I know....I'm a weirdo.
anybody else get annoyed with people's notice of your losses?
