[Woffy]

I live thousands of miles away from my sister. She suffers from depression, anxiety and zero confidence. I do my very best to help her but everything seems to take so much effort. It took almost two hours on the phone to explain how to download skype and dropbox as I have to walk her thru every step. Naturally things don't don't always go to plan and I need to assist her with cancelling services etc. Most she could do on her own but her anxiety and confidence stop her. I really do everything I can to support her but every other email from her now is a problem for me to solve. I too suffer from depression and often struggle to stay afloat. We have other siblings but she won't ask them for help. I understand she needs support but I just can't keep this up. I get so overwhelmed with the constant issues I have to deal with bec as she puts it - I'm the only one she feels comfortable asking. She is on disabilty so not many funds although I try and help her out financially. Any suggestions of how I can share this load. I love her and want to support her but it is very draining. Thx for any advice.

[Penny105]

I once had a friend very much like your sister. This friend was a lot to deal with and took up so much time. One thing I'd advice is setting boundaries. If you can't talk to your sister outright about that, do it slowly. Start saying 'no' to little things, and gradually progress. In my situation, my friend got married four years ago and now puts the burden that was on me on the spouse (not that that will help you much, but for me it was a godsend). But boundaries are critical.

But again, boundaries are critical. It'll probably be harder to establish them now because it seems like there were not many clear ones before (I understand that is hard - she is your sister). But if you don't want to keep doing this, they need to be made. Tactfully, but still.

Good luck.

[Woffy]

Thank you. I have been good with boundaries in the past as she is perfectly capable but recently was hospitalized for her depression. She had a total med overhaul so I thought I would help out more as she has had a rough time lately. It used to be only advice every once in awhile but past few months have been crazy to deal with and I see no end in sight. She is the kind of person that loves not having to think and is happy to let others control her. For example I sent thorough step by step instructions with highlighted spots on screen shots to explain how to download drop box. She said she couldn't do it and thus the long phone call. Didn't take long to realize she hadn't bothered reading any of my directions. Thx for your support. I will reinforce my boundaries.