Hi y'all. I’ve been a “member” since 2006 evidently but only posted a few times back then and in 2008. So I am going to do an updated intro.
I am in my very early 40s. I've been overweight since I was 4. I became very obese in high school and progressively gained from there.
As a teenager I was on Weight Watchers multiple times and went to the Diet Center for a brief period of time. I also did Richard Simmons “Deal A Meal” and “Sweating to the Oldies”. Nothing held because I was not emotionally ready to be thin. Even when I started my account here I thought I was ready, but I really wasn’t. I was in a bad marriage and escaped from that 2 years ago and have been working through my life baggage with a therapist.
At my highest weight I was 367, currently I am at 309. I credit that with the Medifast plan I followed a few years ago. I lost the weight and kept it off and have plateaued since then. Last Tuesday I decided that now is the time and started a 3 day “Military Diet”. I reasoned that since it is so restrictive in calories and choices it would boost my metabolism as it claims and get me ready to start Medifast. I lost 11 lbs in those 3 days and then transitioned to Medifast on Friday.
I have a few health issues that make losing weight more difficult (though I do not blame them for my weight). I have had hypothyroidism since I was in elementary school, type 2 diabetes since 2002, and was diagnosed with PCOS around the same time. I also have Fibromyalgia but it is in a “remission” so to speak for the last couple of years.
The last doctor’s appointment that I had my doctor suggested that I really think about weight loss surgery. My diabetes hasn’t been well controlled for the last few years and I know how dangerous that is. I did give it consideration but I just don’t feel good about it. I know it is a wonderful tool for many people and I am glad they have that at their disposal but it just isn’t for me.
I enjoy exercise once I get myself going. I know about proper portion sizing, counting carbs, and calories. My battle is all mental. I feel like I am in a place to finally do this. And once I get that mind-set I am usually not dissuaded. (I quit smoking and drinking years ago, cold turkey.)
What has happened to me in the past is that once I start to lose weight and people notice I feel anxious and then I start to self-sabotage. My therapist concluded that I had a fear of failure. I don’t feel afraid to fail now. I know that bad things will happen, but they don’t define the journey. I just have to climb over and keep on going.
The main fear I am dealing with is vanity related. Because I have so much weight to lose (about 130 lbs) I am afraid of all the excess skin I see on these weight loss shows. Dumb I know.
The other issue (again vanity) I’ve had is about what I will look like and will it measure up. I’ve struggled against that a lot. But I’ve come to the conclusion that it is better to be alive, and healthy, and able to do all the things I want to do and accomplish than to stay stuck just because I’m scared my butt won’t be “small” enough for the world’s standards in the end.
Woo! I’ve rambled long enough. Off to prowl the rest of the board.
New-ish Here
