Let me start off by saying that I am not a violent person. But today this one mother just enraged me. I work as a manager in a gift shop for a local aquarium. I deal with kids all day long. They range from well behaved to bratty, snotty little a-holes. I'm used it and I'm also used to the adult version standing near them. But today I just wanted to slap this mother I was so appalled by her behavior. Her daughter, maybe 3 or 4, was just screaming her head off in the store and balling her poor little eyes out. Her mom wouldn't even look at her, just kept looking at her phone, and is yelling at her daughter "you're not getting anything!" If she took her eyes off her phone for one moment and looked at her poor child she would have noticed that this little girl was grabbing her crotch and doing the potty-dance. I had enough and I walked up to the little girl and asked if she needed to use the bathroom thinking her mom would get clued in. The little girl nodded but the mom still ignored her and when about doing her own thing. I got called away and when I saw them walking out a little bit later I could tell that little girl had wet her pants. I should have just smashed that woman's d@mn phone!
I understand parents get exhausted and want a break too. I know this could have just been a really bad day for that mom and that oftentimes kids throw a temper tantrum in a store because they want something. But that's no excuse for not picking up on something so obvious a stranger knew the problem. That poor little girl was practically begging her mother for help and she was denied. That girl was only just old enough to be potty trained but still young enough that it's difficult to communicate needs. I just feel so heartbroken for that poor child.
Thank heavens you were there to notice the poor kid. That had to have been really frustrating to you to not be able to say or do anything.
It's sad that you need a license to do pretty much anything in this country - drive, fish, get married, etc. Yet no requirements to have a child. I'm so NOT advocating total gov't control. It's just that sometimes it seems that people who are parents really ought not to be. At least not 24/7. I have a lot of admiration for parents who get that they're totally over their heads on a given day and ask for help. So many don't. Asking for help is a sign of strength - not weakness IMO.
Last edited by Vickie Chickie; 06-27-2015 at 02:04 AM.
I wish I was more confrontational. I'm Minnesotan, we don't avoid conflict like oil and water. I'm used to temper tantrums and meltdowns, my store is 95% overpriced stuffed animals and toys. And generally, everyone involved has had a long day and could use a nap (or drink!). But all too often I'm seeing overwhelmed parents checking out of reality by being on their phone. Where I work, we see a couple hundred thousand people a day, possibly over a million on a weekend. I could have taken that little girl to the bathroom and brought her back before her mom probably would have noticed she was gone. These parents need to keep an eye on their children in public because it's far too easy for them to get lost or missing.
I'm with beerab on this one. I would have walked right up to her and in her face tell her that her child needs to potty now. To me the mother is being abusive by not taking care of her daughter's needs.
Poor kid. And she'll probably yell at her for wetting herself. At that age our lives revolved around making sure the potty training stayed on track. :/. Since you were working I get the need to be tactful. I would have said excuse me, until she looked at me and then given her directions to the restroom.
We can't even get people to look up from their phones in the emergency room when they are there for their "emergency." Technology is destroying common courtesy.
Did you happen to see what she was doing on her phone? Most of the time with iPhone screens its possible to see what the person is doing of you are close enough. I'm just curious what was so important that she wasn't mentally present for that whole situation....
That's terrible! Poor girl had to go through the embarrassment of wetting her pants and probably got in trouble for it. It's pretty common in my area to see parents who are so self-absorbed and in their own world. I see a lot of it as a teacher, sadly.
I'm decent at round-a-bout confrontation. My approach would have been to politely give her directions to the restroom.
It's kind of like when I worked retail, we were trained to say "are you ready for me to ring up those items in your bag?" if we saw someone shoplifting. It's a way to acknowledge you saw them doing the wrong thing, but giving them an out where you can both pretend that's not what really happened.
Awww, Leah, that makes me want to cry. I have a daughter who works in retail and she comes home with some pretty awful mom stories too. Sometimes I'm really shocked at the world.
I don't think that alerting a mother who is unaware that her daughter needs to potty constitutes as "confrontation." Sure the mother was not o her game but I can think of countless times I wasn't perfect either, many times that I felt frustrated and upset ams could have used some help. Not saying that the mother was an angel but I'm sure all mothers can identify with frustrating moments in our day. I would feel awful if I had seen a little girl pee on herself when I could have easily said to the mother "looks like your daughter is doing the peepee dance". In fact I am amazed and touched by the intervention of kind people if my son happens to be having a little meltdown in a public place. They come talk to him, show him a toy and distract him from his tears. We all need a little help sometimes and thankfully there are people who help, why didn't you help?
OMG! She should sooo not be a parent. I'm sick & tired of parents these days that are so wrapped up in things technologically but clueless otherwise! They may be on the phone/online, but they more than out of touch!!!
I got one question: WHY DID SHE BOTHER TO TAKE HER DAUGHTER TO THE AQUARIUM IF SHE WASN'T GOING TO BE PRESENT?
If she really wanted to spend time with her daughter & create fun memories, the cellphone would have been put away!! I can guarantee you that her phone was probably out the whole time they were "enjoying their day together". Heck she might have even been on her phone while driving to the aquarium!!!
It makes me sick when I see a "family" out together & every single one of them is on some sort of device! What is sooo damn important or interesting that you can't put your "smart this or that" away for a couple of hours? The world is NOT going to fall apart if you aren't constantly hooked up to your technology umbilical cord!!!
I guess if this little girl wants to get her mom's attention, she is going to have to get her own cellphone & call/text her!! PATHETIC! I wish this little girl could do what I do when people are far more interested in what is on their phone than in listening to what I may want to say, I WALK AWAY & REFUSE TO DEAL WITH THEM!!
I wonder since this mom didn't catch a clue that her daughter needed a potty break even after being approached by store personnel, would she even notice if her daughter wandered away or got hurt? I bet this idiot woman would be surprised to hear her daughter say to her one day, "Mommy, why is your phone more important than I am?"
Its sad, if the mother is treating the daughter that way in public imagine what is going on at home. Im not sure what your laws are in the US but here it would be seen as an act of neglect.
Also the mother is so self absorbed she doesn't have the brains to realise she is going to get old and it will be up to the child to care for her.
I don't think that alerting a mother who is unaware that her daughter needs to potty constitutes as "confrontation." Sure the mother was not o her game but I can think of countless times I wasn't perfect either, many times that I felt frustrated and upset ams could have used some help. Not saying that the mother was an angel but I'm sure all mothers can identify with frustrating moments in our day. I would feel awful if I had seen a little girl pee on herself when I could have easily said to the mother "looks like your daughter is doing the peepee dance". In fact I am amazed and touched by the intervention of kind people if my son happens to be having a little meltdown in a public place. They come talk to him, show him a toy and distract him from his tears. We all need a little help sometimes and thankfully there are people who help, why didn't you help?
The problem was not Leah. As she said, she made the polite effort to get the mother's attention by asking the little girl if she needed to go to the bathroom, and then she got called away. The problem was the mother, clearly. In that time in which she felt her phone was so important, her child could have been kidnapped, her child could have knocked over a display and hurt herself, or the child who was trying desperately to get her mother's attention, hm, could have had to go to the bathroom. The child was the mother's responsibility and the mother failed.
The problem was not Leah. As she said, she made the polite effort to get the mother's attention by asking the little girl if she needed to go to the bathroom, and then she got called away. The problem was the mother, clearly. In that time in which she felt her phone was so important, her child could have been kidnapped, her child could have knocked over a display and hurt herself, or the child who was trying desperately to get her mother's attention, hm, could have had to go to the bathroom. The child was the mother's responsibility and the mother failed.
I don't think it's the OPs fault I was pointing out that telling the mother that her daughter might need to pee is not confrontation. I'll give a more extreme example: if I saw a mother with a little girl and a baby by the side of the road and the mother was busy tending to the baby while the little girl drifted dangerously into the street I wouldn't sit back and judge the mother, I'd run over and help rather than sit idly by and see something terrible happen just so that I could walk away judgmentallly calling that woman a bad mother.
I would rather be useful and sympathetic than useless and judgmental. I just feel very strongly that one cannot judge other mothers with such limited information. The gaul of some people saying she doesn't deserve to be a mother is irritating at the least. 3 yr olds pee on themselves. Mothers are people who may have an important phone call to make it email to respond to. There are any number of explanations why the mother was entranced with her phone but it's just so much fun and makes people feel good about themselves to accuse her (someone they have never seen and are only getting a 2nd hand story account of) of being a bad mom. Since becoming a mom myself I know that there is nobody more judgmental than other moms.
Last edited by Palestrina; 06-29-2015 at 08:30 AM.
I wish I had punched this mother today!
