I work in the library at a professional school at my state's flagship university campus. There are other professional schools and a multitude of undergraduate and graduate programs being taught by a multitude of instructors, many of whom have got to be interesting people that I would enjoy talking to and socializing with.
Why can't I meet any of them? Not only am I on campus 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, but it's small(ish) town that's got little going on other than the university. Chances are every time I go to the gym or go shopping, I'm surrounded by interesting people educated in a wide variety of subjects but we're not talking to each other.
I suspect there are faculty mixers or whatever but I don't get invited because I'm 1) at a professional school with it's own insularity and 2) am "professional staff" rather than faculty.
It doesn't help that I'm the opposite of a social butterfly and have difficulty making new friends. I have friends but they're all other librarians. Which is great, but like I said, there have to be so many other interesting people around here in other departments.
OK, I'm done whining now.
EDIT: I tried Meetup.com and AAUW. Both were busts - AAUW isn't active and there are literally zero Meetups within 25 miles of this zip code.
Last edited by Violette_R; 04-02-2015 at 01:30 PM.
Get the library to pay for a happy hour with free drinks and food for the instructors and other staff as a networking, team building, get to know one another event.
If it's free and there is booze then they will come. And you will make friends.
Just throwing my two cents in, I drive more than 25 miles for a few of my meetups. Sometimes, it can be worth the trip and you could meet people who also drive a longer distance but are actually living closer to you.
You might consider starting your own Meetup group, assuming you can afford it- I think it's a $15 a month fee from Meetup. You could try it and see if there are other people who would also like to make friends that are struggling. If it doesn't work out, then you just cancel.
But barring that, I guess I would suggest pretending you're not an introvert and say hello to some people and get to know them. Get to know their names and use them - even a quick, "Hi, Lisa!" once a day can help. Be free with genuine compliments- if you love someone's shoes or new haircut, just say so. People love that stuff and it can be the beginning of a conversation which can be the beginning of a friendship. Before you think "Easier said than done" I'm an introvert and I will pretend to be extroverted at times because no one knows the difference really. But introverts don't draw people to them, and extroverts do, and if you want friends acting extroverted at times is really helpful.
Also- go to functions. If a speaker is coming to speak at the school, go see it. You may meet someone there. Accept all invitations (unless it's truly something you don't want to do) to maximize your social contacts.
Just throwing my two cents in, I drive more than 25 miles for a few of my meetups. Sometimes, it can be worth the trip and you could meet people who also drive a longer distance but are actually living closer to you.
You might consider starting your own Meetup group, assuming you can afford it- I think it's a $15 a month fee from Meetup. You could try it and see if there are other people who would also like to make friends that are struggling. If it doesn't work out, then you just cancel.
But barring that, I guess I would suggest pretending you're not an introvert and say hello to some people and get to know them. Get to know their names and use them - even a quick, "Hi, Lisa!" once a day can help. Be free with genuine compliments- if you love someone's shoes or new haircut, just say so. People love that stuff and it can be the beginning of a conversation which can be the beginning of a friendship. Before you think "Easier said than done" I'm an introvert and I will pretend to be extroverted at times because no one knows the difference really. But introverts don't draw people to them, and extroverts do, and if you want friends acting extroverted at times is really helpful.
Also- go to functions. If a speaker is coming to speak at the school, go see it. You may meet someone there. Accept all invitations (unless it's truly something you don't want to do) to maximize your social contacts.
I've started Meetups before and it just really wasn't worth the effort. And that was somewhere that had Meetups of any kind - I really doubt it would get much result somewhere where apparently no one wants one enough to start one. *shrugs*
I do my best with the other stuff but the truth is people just don't like me. I know that sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself or whatever but it's just plain old true and I give up. I organized a birthday party for myself a few weeks ago, thanked everybody who came and told them how much it meant to me that they did so. The next week after that they all had a birthday party for another woman in that same group, with all the exact same people except me. So I'm just done; you can't force people to like you. That's why I have pets.
Well- I can't comment on whether anyone likes you or not. It would be unusual if no one likes you.
I do note, however, that your last post is exceedingly negative. And yes, that will turn people off. If that's how you communicate in general, then my suggestion would be to shut off the negativity and turn on the positivity during all your social encounters. It may be that people avoid you not so much because they dislike you as that you are emotionally draining.
If you don't think that's the case, then you still need to figure out WHY people don't want to spend time with you. Nail the "why" and you'll have a path to what needs to change so that people do like you.
And I love pets too- and they really help me (I tend to be more solitary but by choice, as I find most people to be very draining, possibly because I do have to try so hard to be extroverted around them). So I see your point there. But I hope you will change your mind about being done. Everyone needs a friend.
Random complaint
