[novangel]

I allowed my son to go over to a friend's house for a short visit yesterday. I knew her son was somewhat troubled but I looked past it as I try not to jump to conclusions...at least not right away.

I spoke to his Mom on the phone, she sounded very nice so we arranged everything and that was that. I arrive at their house and from the moment I walked into the home I felt immediately uncomfortable leaving him there. The place was a mess, there was the smell of stale cigarettes, unruly cats, and the Mom started telling me all of her problems. Why they had to relocate because her son was being bullied so badly, and how he has severe ODD and anger issues because of it. Then the 2nd grade daughter arrived home who also has "issues", proceeds to jump from the back of one couch on to a trampoline to bounce to another couch..in the living room. Demanded a shake from McDonald's and when Mom told her to wait a minute while we were talking she punched her mother in the back. Also was punching the brother and the Mom mentioned that she has on occasion drawn blood on the older brother in a nonchalant way. WONDERFUL.

So I'm mortified and said I would be back in 3 hours keeping in mind that he's never going there again. What could happen in 3 hours? Ha!

I get back and she informed me that she had allowed them to leave her property just to go around the block and come to find out her son talked him into leaving to go a few blocks away (into the next town) to Target, across a busy road that leads to O'Hare airport. I was f****** furious! My son has never done anything like that before but is easily influenced. He's 12 but mentally more like 9. I don't allow him to wander the town unsupervised yet, especially not across this busy road. I know her son influenced him but I'm more pissed off at the Mother. She was supposed to be supervising and didn't watch them at all! If someone leaves their child at my home I watch them like a hawk because ultimately I'm responsible for them if something happens.

She also mentioned that she left the house, leaving them unsupervised while she went to deliver girl scout cookies with her daughter! WTF!

The Mom was just like well he's (her son) is grounded for 2 weeks and if they're going to have play dates then they need to abide by my rules. I'm thinking, lady you don't have any rules and my son shouldn't have left your property without asking me. Very irresponsible. If she knew her son has defiance issues why the h*ll would she leave them alone together!? Something was guaranteed to happen. I just said thank you, goodbye and left really mad, mostly at the mother.

What a train wreck! Never again!

[SenseAndSensibility]

Yikes, that would have freaked me out too (I don't have kids but if it was my baby sister...)

I work with kids a lot and I think its sad when I hear and see situations like this. We shouldn't be quick to judge others, but there comes a point when you've been in someone's house, seen how they treat their children at home and you just wish you could get them to change their ways a bit for them and their children's sake. Its often where the behavioral problems come from. She sounds like she definitely loves her kids but needs to learn a bit about discipline and attentiveness. Helping your daughter sell cookies is great but not at the cost of leaving a child home alone that you know is gonna get into trouble, and when you've also promised to care for someone else's child on top of that!

[novangel]

And the plot thickens.

I found out today that while they ventured out my son was almost beat up by a group of high school Freshman.

Never again.

[IanG]

I wouldn't worry. He's not going back there.

And I did much worse bad sh!t at that age. And survived to tell the tale, just.

I was certainly throwing aerosols into fires at age 9 and carrying large knives. My brother was setting fire to forests, or at least I think - I may have dreamed that. Friends were getting their heads split open and falling from trees, breaking limbs. One friend of mine tried to jump his BMX bike at such high speed that he failed and, yes, landed on his head. I took him to hospital, bleeding from his head. His mom called later and was grateful. My best friend stabbed another friend in a fight. Etc. Etc. It got even worse by age 17 if that's any consolation. Cars, boys and girls are a bad combination. Actually, my brother took my mom's car out in his teens with no driving license. He drove it around a muddy school field and got stuck. He called AAA. They could not get it out. So they called the police who towed him out. They never asked to see his license. And he drove home. My mom does not know this story to this day.

So take a deep breath. Everything is and will be OK. Boys will be boys. And moms will be moms. And you're a great one.

[3fcuser291505109]

LOL Ian, yes boys will be boys!

I'm not a boy, obviously, but i was lighting matches and throwing them under the bed at 5 yrs old--oh yeah!! Plus much worse.

But yes to the OP, i wouldn't let him ever go back there again.

[novangel]

To be fair I was doing worse at his age too but my parents were very naive.

I will do my best to make sure he doesn't go down the same path I did, at least I can say I tried to steer him in the right direction. I learned from my parent's mistakes.

This boy came from another school district where he was expelled and according to my son is now temporarily suspended for fighting today. I feel bad for this boy but I can't have my son getting mixed up in this.

My son tries to see the good in everyone, and wants to be friends with everyone, which is a good and bad thing.

I sat him down to explain why I feel the way I do and he understands but I don't know how this is going to play out at school. I told him to be nice but start to distance himself.