If you've spent anytime here reading my posts, you know I'm usually very upbeat. Today I really need to vent. No advice needed. Just want to commiserate with anyone who might be as miserable as I am at the moment. If you're not up for seeing someone throw an epic pity party for one, look away now.

I absolutely despise Valentine's Day. It's not that I'm an unromantic soul or that I'm one of those people who hates holidays. Its just been a painful reminder that I'm not loved, and really never have been.

No one was interested in me when I was in school. While everyone else was dating, going to prom and such, I was alone. When I finally had a boyfriend in 10th grade, you can imagine I looked forward to the 1st Valentine's day together. I went all out to make it romantic and what did he do? He dumped me.

Sadly, due to my non-existant self esteem, this would be the first of many miserable Vdays I spent with my ex. Every year he'd act shocked that I was so crushed over his refusal to participate in a holiday created to sell greeting cards, in his words. Every year he'd say if it was really that important to me, he do something next year. I just had to let him know what I wanted. Every year I was the only woman whose husband didn't send flowers to her at work. Every year I'd get the looks of pity from the girls as at work and a " surely he'll take you out to dinner or do something, right? " Every year I'd hope they'd be right and he'd come through in the end, but it never happened.

Now that I'm divorced, the day is a reminder that another year has gone by and I'm still alone. At 42 years old and after 3 years single and 3 dates in that time, I've given up any hope that my luck will improve.

Tomorrow I'll get my big girl panties back on, back away from the chocolates, and go for a run. Today I'm going to fall apart.

I'm so sorry, I know it can often be difficult to be with someone who is out of tune with your needs and even if it is 'just a stupid holiday', maybe if someone did something outside of the holiday, you wouldn't have been focused on the holiday. I hope you are feeling better.

What could be better than spending the day with chocolate? You'll get through it and it will be fine just get it out of your system. It sucks to be alone although as a married lady I can assure you that romance doesn't befall those who are married or in relationships automatically. My married girlfriends and myself are constantly griping at the lack of romance in our lives. Real life just doesn't compare to the movies. There will never be a guy standing outside our window with a jukebox.

Have you ever considered doing a ladies' valentine's party? I know a lot of my single girlfriends do it, they get together and go out for Valentine's Day and make it a girl's night!

I'm 40 years old and have never been in a real adult relationship. I've pretty much given up analyzing myself and the few men I've dated in attempt to "fix" things and have just accepted that it is what it is, but I still have a lot of "WHY? IIT'S NOT FAIR!!" moments. I had one Thursday when I did my grocery shopping and saw lots of men buying flowers.

After my atrocious marriage/divorce that ended when I was 32 I always said lonely was so much better than miserable. After that I truly enjoyed my independence and learned to rely only on myself for happiness, because truthfully you have to be happy with yourself first and not look to a man (or relationship status) to define you or your happiness. I did remarry in November at 40 but if I happened to wind up alone forever that would've been fine too. That's what I was planning anyway (to be cat lady ) but fate happened to give me a 2nd chance. 42 isn't too old, my Mom remarried at 50 and had a wonderful 13 years with my step-dad until she passed.

It's just a Hallmark holiday.

Thank you all for your kind words. I am feeling better already, nelie, thank you. You're right, it isn't so much about the day itself as it is the treatment on other 364 days a year.

I've never vented that anywhere but in my diary before. I don't know why, but I felt the need to get it out this year. Maybe because I don't really want to spend the day face down in a box of Godiva, though a couple wouldn't hurt.

Its like Violette said, sometimes even when you've accepted things are the way they are, you have moments. The grocery store is one for me as well.

I like the idea of a girls night out Palestrina. I'm going to plan on it for next year.

You are so right, Novangel. Being on my own is a million times better than being in a terrible relationship. There are many times when I'm grateful for my independence. I think if I ever have another relationship it will be better for the time I've spent single.

If not, I've already got two cats and room for plenty more.

I decided the run shouldn't wait until tomorrow. But maybe the chocolates can. After all, they'll be half off if I wait a day.

Thanks again everyone. You guys are the best.

I'm glad you are feeling better, Struedel. Sometimes we need the release of a good cry. As others have said, being with a partner doesn't guarantee romance. In fact, I'd rather be alone than with a partner who ignores me (been there, done that).

I'm not a fan of this holiday. It always feels forced and fake to me. Plus, lots of couples "put on a show" for this holiday by sending goodies into work, yet treat each other miserably the rest of the year. Sometimes those work flowers are not genuine reflections of love.

But this holiday does mean something to you, so planning an event next year sounds like a great idea!

I've spent years with and without a partner and Valentines still means little to me other than discounts. The girl's night sounds super fun though. I remember one year I scheduled a "Couple's" Valentine's package with my mom, so there's some really nice stuff out there to take advantage of! You could easily ask a friend if she/he'd want to join you, because it's nice to just be selfish and pamper yourself sometimes.

(I say as I'm reminded that I have a fizzy bomb, some candles, and a mud mask just waiting to be used.)

I was glad to see this post, Streudel. I've spent the day with cheese and vodka and Disney movies. I too am generally an upbeat person, but today I just needed a day to let myself feel bad. It helps knowing you're not the only one.

I'm sorry it's been such a sad day for you, Streudel. If there was any chocolate in the house today, believe me, I'd be eating it right beside you.

So many good thoughts were already shared. I really don't know what else to add, but I do love the suggestion for the girls night out. I'll have to remember that one.

Never give up hope on love.

I went out and ran 9.4 miles and did 1 hour of weight training.

Wife left with the kids 8 months ago.

Job done. But a very tough day, nonetheless.

Hugs to everyone.

It is a Hallmark holiday and it's meant to make us feel bad about whether we have a partner or not... so we can buy Hallmark stuff to make up for it. Even if you're in a couple, you now have the pressure to buy cards, gifts, or something super romantic that day...

I understand the pity party too because I had super sucky partners in the past or I spent the day alone thinking that everyone around was coupled and I was the only one left out. I also spent it many a Valentine's Day with a guy I loved very much, but who had succumbed to the pressure and would buy me crappy looking flowers and paid an arm and leg for it because he was doing it on the way home and he had forgotten to do or plan anything.

It sucks all around.

I can't predict or know if anyone here will ever find their love, but I agree that you have to love yourself and know within that you matter, even if no one else is validating that belief around you. There is probably nothing wrong with you... I also gave up looking for love and was ready to be a cat lady and I found someone who fits me. But I had to be okay being alone for the rest of my life, I think, to understand his value too.

I have never had a Valentine's day. To me it is now just a regular day.