Hi! So I know this is pretty personal and sudden considering how I've been on here for such a short time, but since this is fairly anonymous and people do seem very supportive and knowledgable here, I thought I might ask how you guys deal with finding a balance between disciplining yourself and not putting yourself down. I mean, obviously, this is a kind of journey where you can't possibly succeed 100% of the time and you do face cases in which you either don't have an option on what you can eat or end up just cheating. But it's not always easy to properly scold yourself and not let these small things pass (since they add up to big things) without feeling awful about yourself? I don't know if this makes much sense, it's just that I've had an ED a long while back but sometimes that kind of mentality still returns with the whole "if you messed up once, you're a failure" thing. I know that's not the right way to go, but I also don't want to just tell myself it's okay to eat too much or eat lots of junk food since I know I can easily slip back into old habits.
This may sound like a silly question, but keeping the right mentality is really a make it or break it thing for me. If I have the right mindset, I can go the whole way, I just have trouble adjusting it to a realistic point of view sometimes.
Thanks in advance to anyone reading, I'm very thankful for any help or even just unspoken empathy ^^
For me, honestly.. I just focus on good. I don't really discipline myself too much at all. That isn't to say I don't feel bad about certain things.. like gaining weight over the holidays.. but I very much avoid negative self-talk. Negative self-talk also includes not letting myself procrastinate.. as I count procrastination thoughts as negative, so I try to head those off and instead remind myself this stuff needs to be a routine, not just when I feel like it.
I try to remind myself of what I did correctly, or how I felt good. I set tons of daily tiny goals. One of them is simply tracking what I eat. So whether I'm over or under points (or calorie) goal at least I know what I put in my body. Another is getting exercise in, another is being under goal, losing weight on the scale, not gaining weight.. just a bunch of little stuff. I can't say that attitude will help everyone, but focusing on victories certainly helps me keep on track.. not everyday is on plan, but at least I'm feeling good overall and most the days I'm meeting multiple goals.
After reading some of the stuff on the forums I also started to pay special attention to how certain foods make me feel, both physically and mentally. Serves as a bit of a reminder when something sounds good that everytime I eat it I end up feeling greasy and icky.
This journey is very much a mental one for a lot of us, so you're definitely not alone.
I never scold myself and I don't cheat. I'm not married to food, I can't cheat with it. If I eat a piece of cake I enjoy it and deal with the consequences. I have a better relationship with food this way. I also get on the scale and face the music every single day. I took a break in December, but now I'm back to it and although I didn't want to get on the scale that first day, I'm glad I did.
It's taken me a long time to get to this point, where before I had the mindset of punishment for bad food and If I ate a cookie one day, I wouldn't eat anything the next.
It takes time I think.
I try to remember that every meal is a chance is nourish my body. My choices should be about nourishment not about comfort. If I blow it at lunch I try to have a light healthy dinner.
I talked with a friend who helped get me started losing weight, she had lost over a 100 lbs herself. She said "It's not about being perfect." So simple but so true. I had to accept there will probably never be a time in my life where I eat perfectly or stick to my exercise perfectly, I am not a perfect person, kinda why I'm here in the first place right?
I still struggle with it too. I keep losing and gaining the same 20 lbs over the course of a year if I had kept losing I'd be at my goal. Sometimes I get really mad at myself over it. It feels like all this work ...for nothing..over chocolate cake, not worth it! But I look at it like 'prep work'. I have to get past all these challenges to be ready for a new body and a new lease on life.
Wendybirdx - You do not sound silly at all! If you want to get healthy and maintain it's all mental. There will be highs and lows so your positivity is a must. I always say your best choice is your next choice...what this means to me is if I have skipped a workout today then my next choice is to workout tomorrow and not beat myself up about today. Same with your food choices. Just as Izzyboomama said "You are not married to food, so you cannot cheat with it". ALWAYS find what you have done good today and move on. Usually negative thoughts lead to a downward spiral...and the great thing is YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
I also recommend daily affirmations. HTH
@CakeBatter that's funny, that reminds me of a really nice post today that I saw that says "today that if you slip up you can restart your day at any time. you don’t have to wait til the next day to start over". I probably just need to think a bit more like that c: Thanks so much!
Self-discipline is probably the hardest thing that I had to deal with as I started my journey to health since Summer 2014.
My problem was overindulgence. I didn't know how to stop myself. Because I would be good for a week, and BAM, I would just lose self-control. I had to learn how to say "no". No to friends going out to my favorite restaurants, no to eating over a certain amount, and no to the junk, I've only consumed for majority of my life.
Obviously, there were times (multiple times...oops) where I gave in, but being able to say no in each tempting moment, only makes you stronger! It's a long journey ahead, but I know it's worth it. Because I'm worth it, and so are you!
I wish I could say that I focus on the good, that I have a great outlook on things, but I don't. It's a constant struggle to maintain a positive outlook. I wear a Lokai bracelet all the time to try to remind myself to seek balance.
I try to put it into perspective. I didn't steal a car, I ate a cookie that I purchased. I'm not a bad person, and I didn't do something bad. I (try to) forgive myself and move on.
This is something I'm currently struggling with. This morning I walked 6 miles and was so proud of it. Because of that I knew that I had some wiggle room on my calorie intake and I've been craving one of those giant cookies at the coffee shop. I got one today as well as a raspberry italian soda. I got home and I saw how many calories I actually consumed and felt so horrible that I considered not eating dinner. But as hard as this is, I still did a great job today with exercise. And as you guys have said, I need to focus on the good and what I did right. It's okay to have a cookie on occasion.
My mantra for this (making some sort of food, diet or exercise mistake) is "Be gentle with yourself. Everybody makes mistakes. Let it go and move on. Get back on track NOW...not tomorrow." This is a Beck Diet philosophy which I have written on an index card and in a post it on my tablet and laptop.
The biggest thing for me here is getting back on track and not making one mistake turn into two or more by thinking I have blown it and I might as well pig out until my next starting over point. For me guilt, scolding and/or making myself feel bad would only compound the negativity and promote a binge.
Self-discipline vs putting yourself down?
