[Pete veritatem]

Hello My name is Johanna. I live in Portland Oregon. I have lived a rather sedentary lifestyle for the last 3.5 years which has contributed to a gain of a little over 40 extra pounds above my normal weight. In July of 2011 I weighed 128 lbs. Today on December 27, 2014 I weigh an estimated 175 lbs.

My weight gain all started back in August of 2011. But really the cause probably goes back to 2009.

In 2009 I was diagnosed with a bone tumor of C6 (cervical spine) and had to receive a bone transplant. Then in 2010 I rejected that transplant and had to receive another bone and bone marrow transplant. In 2011 I suffered an acute Pulmonary Embolism and was in the ICU. Since the PE in 2011, I started gaining weight and have not been able to lose any weight.

Throughout the last few years I have been in denial, despair, depression, guilt, shame and isolation. My weight gain was not a slow gain, it was a quick bloated and shocking gain. In July of 2011 I weighed my normal weight of 128, but after treating myself with fragmin and coumadin for months for the PE, I gained 20 lbs in one month!! By August 2011 I went from 128 lbs to 148 lbs.

Then in 2012, I went from 148 lbs to 155 lbs. In 2013, I went from 155 lbs. to 160 lbs. In 2014, I went from 160 lbs to 175 lbs.

Throughout the years, I have grown disgusted with my self, I don't make friends anymore, haven't been on a single date since 2012. I am totally and utterly embarrassed by my weight gain. I feel lethargic and have a hard time visualizing myself being healthy again Much of the last few years have been spent blaming my health and its previous illness and conditions. But now, I realize it has nothing to do with my surgeries or any other health related issue, it has to do with depression and self isolation.

Part of my despair stems from the fact that I had never experienced being overweight before. When I first gained those immediate 20 lbs I was shocked and scared, but felt confident I could lose it, 20 lbs seemed like a lot of weight and I was a little worried about how to lose that much weight,...now three years later...I am overwhelmed with the amount of weight I have to lose.. it feels paralyzing at times.

Another huge hurdle besides my despair is my lack of motivation. Because I am a full-time student and have been for the last 4 years, I have very few friends. I know what you're thinking...what?! You're in school! Thats where friends are made! Well...not quite. You see, I am 37 years old getting a bachelors. Most of the fellow students in my courses are 19-22. Besides a significant age difference there are different priorities at that age. They want to drink alcohol and party and club and date and yada yada. I just want to go home and study and stick to my Latin Honors goal. So what about friends my age? Well, because I don't date (due to shame of being overweight and lack of self esteem) I don't go out anywhere to meet anyone. And women friends are exceptionally hard to keep or come by. My female friends I can count on one hand, they are married with children and I am single with a cat. At 37 years of age, friendships take a back seat to many peoples lives. So sadly that is why I am mainly alone most of the time. This bothers me more than I let on. But its a huge part of why I am unmotivated. I have been blaming for the last few years, my lack of friendship for my lack of motivation. I have no workout partner. I have no walking partner. No hiking partner. No swimming or bicycling partner. Yada yada...

So here I am. I am tired. I am really tired. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. I want to change. I want to be active, lose all the weight I gained. Make new friends. Be confident! Be ME! The me inside that is hiding behind 40 extra pounds.

I have some ideas and some plans on how to start this determined journey to weight loss. But I need support! I need inspiration!

P.S. I added the weight tracker tool, but do not know if I linked it correctly and how it will be able to know how to update when I enter any weight lost on this site? Thats a bit confusing. I also will add pre and post photos in this journey. It may be a few days before I upload the pre-weight loss photos.

Johanna

[Lexxiss]

Welcome!

You have been through a lot these past few years and I'm glad that you found us and decided to join in. There is an awesome amount of support here! Over the years I've found two groups where I post regularly. It really helps me stay focused and accountable. Maybe you could search around the threads and find a group that you seem to think you'd fit in with.

My weight gain started during the period when I had an incredible amount of stress. Only I didn't stop at 175 I just kept gaining and gaining and gaining. When I started my journey there were days it seemed impossible. What I found best is for me to take things one day at a time and I decided that I was going to start participating in life and activities that I wanted to do before I lost the weight rather than after. That is helped me a lot.

After a period of several years where I consistently lost a lot of weight and had time to really focus on things my life is back to very complicated and stressful again. I'm finding it really works well for me to come up with some short daily things that I can do at home that keeps me in the habit. I'm off to work in a few minutes, but I've already checked in with both of my groups, I've done five minutes of exercise on my little stationary bike, and I usually do a five minute free weight routine. My free weights I do to a favorite song. I find that those short blips really add up when I do them day after day after day.

I have also found a support group outside of the house. I tried to go to a meeting at least once or twice a week. I'm a waitress so I'm pretty physically wasted when I get home from work but I take a short nap and then I go to a meeting in a nearby town on Sunday nights.

I'm a little older than you are. I'm 58. I decided to follow a whole foods diet plan which has really impacted my health in a positive way. After five years on this plan I have more energy than I had when I was in my 20s. I don't eat much sugar anymore which I think has been my best decision as to starting to feel better both physically and emotionally.

I have so many friends here now which is great because where I live I tend to be pretty isolated and don't do a lot of socializing out of my home environment. I feel like this is a place where you can get as much out of it as you put into it.

Best wishes as you start to search your path to a better you!

[Mountain Mamma]

Johanna,

So sorry to hear about the challenges and struggles you've had. And also the stresses of being a full-time student! But sure am glad you joined the Forum. There's so much support here, especially under the 'dieting with obstacles/depression' section. I can't add anything to Lexxis' comments, she said it better than I can!

(And kudos for sticking with school - NOT easy when you don't fit the typical mold, any former adult student could attest to that!!!)

Good luck on your journey!!

[Pete veritatem]

Thank you Lexxiss and Mountain Mama for your kind words and support! I cannot tell you how much it means to me! Lexxiss, I reached out to some acquaintances and was open and honest and told them I need support and friendship and would like someone to lose weight with. Right now I am committed to meeting one of them W & F and Saturdays at 5:30 am for a cycle class. I have never been that early of a riser, but I realize that I should probably try and attempt it and make it a habit since my day is pretty full with school and studies and this way I can get it out of the way early. The other friend said that when she returns from vacation she will join me weekly at my gym. Tonight, I met my best friend for some much needed friend time and i was so uplifted just by spending time with her, I came home after and hit the gym for the first time by myself in over a few years!! Sometimes it just takes feeling like you are not alone to inspire you to make changes. I think you are both right, social support is vital. Social isolation is harmful and depressing and I know its what has led to my weight gain, a vicious cycle. I am confident that with the support of this forum and my two new friends in fitness, I will find the will to keep aiming for my weight loss goal!

[Pete veritatem]

So I woke up this morning and went to 24 hr fitness and did two 30 minute classes back to back! Wowzers! I did Body Pump and Grit Plyo. They were very high Cardio HIIT. I definitely was the only one in the class who was stopping to catch my breath and also not using weights. I am extremely fatigued easily and have very little endurance and strength. This tells me that I need to keep going!! I am very motivated and excited to lose weight, but most importantly to gain strength and vitality!! I want to feel alive, not like a dead zombie. Anyhow, thought I would give some quick updates for you all! Does anyone know where I can start a journal on here, so I am not just posting it all the time on the introduction site?

Johanna

[Jemcl]

Congrats on the workout. It will take at least six to eight weeks to see a noticeable difference so hang in there. Most of the changes will be neuromuscular so you will feel the changes before seeing them.

Keep up the good work the exercise will also assist with school and build your self confidence.

[theonlywayisdown]

Hi Johanna

I am new to the forum too - sounds like you have been through a really rough time and I hope you are well now.

The new year is a great time to make some changes and lots of us are motivated at the moment. Few ideas from me:

1. set small & realistic goals. I have 50lbs to loose (164 on the scales this morning and only 5'4") but know that I have more chance of success if I break down that amount into small chunks. Also set goals that are not just weight-loss based so you can keep reaching targets even when you plateau or have a tough week - some ideas: (i) record all meals for a month; (ii) exercise 3x in one week; (iii) try a new activity between now and the end of the month....things like this help keep you motivated.

2. Don't give up if you have a slip - this is where I nearly always fail (but not this time). One naughty meal or slip does not mean just give up. Missing a single work-out is not the end of the world, make up for it if you can but whatever you do don't just give up!

I look forward to seeing you here and hopefully in a few weeks we will both have some goals set and met and be on our way to a thinner and healthier body.

[Pete veritatem]

Thank you Jemcl I know its going to be awhile before I see any difference in my appearance or weight, you're right about that! Thats part of the difficulty in losing weight is the desire to see changes so immediately. But I keep telling myself that no matter what exercising is the healthiest thing for me, so it doesn't matter if I don't see a difference for awhile, because I am already feeling better and thats what is so great about exercising!

[Pete veritatem]

Hi theonlywayisdown!

Thank you for your advice on small goals and changes at first I have been wearing my fitbit everyday and have been logging everything I eat and drink (which is only water), as well as I have been setting small goals, like for example, lose 5 lbs reward with new running shoes, lose 10 lbs reward with new workout outfit etc.

I started my workout regime on 1/2/15 and Its been going steady so far, it hasn't been a week yet, but already I have hit the gym every morning for an hour of fasted cardio (HIIT, I switch up the cardio and levels in increments) and have been doing weights as well. My workout plan for the month is to do fasted cardio 5 days a week (rest on sunday) and weights 4 times a week. I also have a non fasted cardio every saturday.
I also have a carefully constructed meals that I prepare from home that are clean and not processed in any way I never had a bad diet or poor eating habits. I just became sedentary from depression over surgeries.
I think right now I am on such a high and feeling so good from all the exercise that its easy for me to feel very optimistic, but I know that there will be times I may fail or miss a workout or hold myself to too high of standards and then feel depressed about it, so thats why I am going to keep speaking to all of you about my work and my feelings so I can get the support I need to keep going when its gets tough

Johanna

[ohclementine]

Johanna, wow, you have been through a lot. I can see how you could gain weight during that kind of experience. As far as losing it, you've already made several steps in the right direction! Kudos on your accomplishments so far and good luck on your journey!

[Pete veritatem]

Thank you ohclementine!

[Pete veritatem]

Hi Everyone! Does anyone know where I can start a journal on here for people to read, other than posting all my updates under my introduction?

In the meantime; quick update! I have lost 4 lbs! From 170 to 166!

The hard work is paying off! So far, this is what I am doing:

On Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays: I hit the gym first thing after I wake and do 40 minutes to an hour of moderate intensity fasted cardio (no eating prior), I do drink a small cup of coffee and take a tablespoon of L-Cartinine Liquid before. During my exercise I consume 34 oz of water.

After I have finished I immediately eat high fat/protein snack with very little carbs which consist of the following: a small avocado, a medium tomato and 1-2 hard boiled eggs. I consume another 34 oz of water.

On Wednesdays and Fridays: I hit the gym first thing again in the morning and do 60 minutes of Cycle class at 24 Hr Fitness. I again drink a small cup of coffee and take a tablespoon of L-Cartinine Liquid before working out. During my exercise I consume 34 oz of water.

Again, I have the same snack listed above right after.

On Saturdays: I do a non-fasted (eat an hour or two before) HIIT workout that consists of two 30 minute classes back to back. BodyPump and Grit Plyo at 24 Hr Fitness.

On sundays: I rest

This week I additionally did some weight lifting on Monday, and was intending to do it Tuesday and Thursday and Friday as well, but got overwhelmed with school work. I plan on attempting to lift weights 4x a week, but if I miss a day or something, I know I will just keep at it.

If anyone of you are interested in what I eat the rest of the day besides my after cardio snack, I would be happy to share. I am on a Keto Adapted Lifestyle, so some of you may find it very hard, however for me I never liked sugar or carbs, so it's insanely easy for me, and I have been in Ketosis for two weeks

Well, that is all for now! Just wanted to say Thank you for all your support and inspiring stories! I am excited for my future and feel confident I will meet my goal of 128 before the end of the year.

Johanna