I've been trying to decide for about a week whether to post or not because I can't go to my parents this time. They're going through enough right now. The last two weeks have been emotionally overwhelming. My Mom fell and has compression fractures in her back. She was supposed to have surgery Tuesday, but because of a UTI they postponed it until the infection is gone putting it off until next week, hopefully. She's in so much pain she cries a lot of the time. She can barely walk with assistance, etc. Since all of us kids are moved out that leaves Dad to care for her. I live a half hour away, but do everything I can to help out. She was in a total care facility for over a week an hour and a half away. Then the ins company sent her home until the surgery because they wouldn't pay for her to stay any longer. So my Dad cares for her except for the PT and OT workers who come. I'm scared for my Dad because he hasn't been well himself lately with a bad infection and severe dizziness.
The same day they told us Mom needed back surgery I got a call from a nurse in my Dr's office. The knee and foot x-rays came back and I have Osteoarthrosis in both and it will require surgery in the future. I have limited health insurance and I've already been told it will not cover any hospital stays. I'm scared of living with the pain because I can't afford surgery. I have FMS, RA, and several other health issues. Chronic pain is nothing new to me, but this knee pain is different and affects how I walk and the pain is so bad at night I'm constantly moving my knee to try to stop it but it's only a temporary help. A few seconds or minutes later and it's shooting hot pain again.
I'm missing my Husband horribly the past 2 weeks. I don't know why it's hitting me so hard right now. I really thought I was doing so much better this year. In August it was the 5th year anniversary of his passing. I even felt ready enough to take off my wedding ring though I still wear them both around my neck. Now it feels like a security blanket and I want to put it back on. I'm crying off and on throughout the days and unfortunately, like always, I'm eating candy to sooth the pain and grief. In turn it's destroying the one thing I'm feeling positive about right now .. my weight loss
I'm just completely overwhelmed right now with worry, fear, grief and physical pain.
You have a lot going on and I know that it is difficult. I wish that I had some wonderful advise to share. Hang in there and try to stay strong. Things will get better.
Would your insurance cover going to a therapist? Even if it's just a temporary thing, talking to a professional can help.. both by being able to let out all the feelings, and by possibly giving some help in learning how to deal with the emotions without involving food.
I'm sorry you're having to go through so much, especially all at once.
Thank you so much for the hugs and reassurances, Hidden and Sunarie. I really needed them today. I didn't even consider therapy Sunarie. Thank you for the suggestion. I'll definitely bring it up with my Dr. Oops I thought you meant physical therapy. I haven't been to a therapist since my Husband passed, but to be honest I've considered it a few times recently. At the same time I keep thinking if I can just get through Mom's surgery and Dad gets better then I can deal with my own stuff, but therapy is there in my mind as an option. Thank you again.
I know you're right Streudel. There is no set date or time when grieving ends. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I think I'll follow your advice and put my ring back on. Just the thought of wearing it again makes me feel much more at peace. Thank you.
JesslanRose, how horrible. So sorry to hear of your troubles and of the sad anniversary. I hope things improve a little. Wish there was something we could do. Glad you posted though, people really do care. Thinking of you! And hoping for the best.
I'm so sorry to hear all your working through right now. In addition to the caring thoughts coming your way, I wanted to add that, in going through issues with my parents this year, I learned from many nurses that SPEAK UP for pain meds. There is no reason to suffer along with the pain, especially for your mother, who might not speak up for herself. If one doesn't work, let them know and ask for another, and another. Not to get doped up, but to find relief, in order to sleep, eat, etc. One nurse in particular told me that no one has to just suck it up and get through the pain... and that was a novel way of thinking to me. I used to think that they gave you what they could and that was it, and I came from a family that didn't really take medicine. Just my two cents to seek pain relief for you and your mom and while it won't fix everything, it might take some of the stress off, allow more restful sleep, etc.
Not too much to add, but just wanted to lend my support. This sounds like a hard time... I'm sorry you're struggling right now.
I am so sorry for your loss. I agree to put your rings back on. They are yours to wear and you are still married. That doesn't change just bc your husband has passed.
Thank you so much for your words of support and wisdom Mountain Mama, National Parker and Beka.
Mountain Mama - The Dr called and she still has a UTI. They put her on a hefty med to get rid of it for sure. So her surgery won't be until sometime the week after Thanksgiving. But on the good side she's seemed to be in higher spirits yesterday. ♥ You guys did do something... I feel much more calm and not so stressed. Thank you.
National Parker - I never looked at it that way. I looked at it the same way you did. Take whatever they give you for the pain and if it doesn't work too bad. I will remember that and mention it to my Dad too as he takes care of all of Mom's meds. Thank you!! ♥
Beka - Your support means a lot to me. Thank you. ♥ I put my ring back on and even put his on. I find myself touching them often for comfort. I realized you're right... in my heart he's still my Husband. I often find myself talking as if he's still here.
Thank you so much everyone for your wonderful support and positive thoughts and suggestions. I'm in a much better place emotionally now because of all of you.
Last edited by Jesslan Rose; 11-23-2014 at 02:25 PM.
Reason: Typo
Good to hear that you're faring better today ... be sure to work some time in for YOU, too - in addition to everything else you're handling. Even if it's just nice music while you shower, something to treat yourself a little special each day.
I'm having a 'me' moment just now National. I'm listening to my favorite Christmas songs and am about to start The Grinch movie next. It's one of my favorites. (Wish I had some popcorn though. LOL)
Struggling Emotionally
But on the good side she's seemed to be in higher spirits yesterday. ♥ You guys did do something... I feel much more calm and not so stressed. Thank you. 
I'm listening to my favorite Christmas songs and am about to start The Grinch movie next. It's one of my favorites. 
(Wish I had some popcorn though. LOL)
