Today I had a bad food day. Usually I'm not too fussy about those, because they kind of have to happen in order for me to keep my sanity.
I realised today that I had so much trouble being in control when being with friends. My friends are all fairly thin and don't bother about what they eat and I find it really hard to not join them or to have less and have them comment.
The difficult thing this time around is that I've let very few people know that I'm watching what I eat. I haven't told other people because in the past I've had negative comments like "oh I wonder how long you'll last", "don't be that girl that counts calories" or "come on, an ice cream cone won't kill you".
I'm usually very good about not being pressured (alcohol being the best example, I never drink even when going out) but with food, it's just so darn difficult.
I'd be happy to hear your thoughts on the subject since I'm just starting this journey and I hope to be able to be on top of things when I need and want to be. I really don't want my friends to be the deciding factor behind not eating well and me feeling not so great about myself.
In the beginning it was hard/wakward dealing with people commenting, but as long as you're firm about your decisions people eventually learn not to comment. If they comment about you eating less, just say you're not very hungry and leave it at that. Be firm in your answers and people will eventually stop asking, its really none of their business anyways. If they ask why you aren't eating a particular item say its not what you're feeling like in that moment. I've had to deal with lots of snarky comments along the way, but you learn how to not listen to those people or limit your time with them. Honestly, a lot of my friendships have changed/ended since becoming the new me and its important to be open to change. I still get them though, people call me a health nut, snob, freak, or sometimes try and insinuate that I have an eating disorder. But most of the people I associate with now on a regular basis understand and accept that this is who I am.
Also, maybe suggesting activities that aren't based around food could help. I rarely ask people to get food when hanging out. I usually ask people to go on a walk, hike, get a coffee/tea etc. Or you could suggest making a meal together. Maybe framing it that you're working on your health and not about losing weight could make them more supportive as well. I never really told anyone I was losing weight, I just said I was trying to be more healthy.
Dottington Thank you so much, that's great advice. It's really frustrating when you're putting so much effort on your own on something and it falls apart so easily. I think you're right about not always having outings revolve around food. It's a little unusual for our group of friends but I'm sure it could do everyone some good
I've recently been dealing with this a lot more too. My situation is a bit different though but definitely the same issue. I travel with about 2-5 women for my job and we usually stop for lunch (or dinner) at odd times. I'm never that hungry to being with and they always insist I eat more than I order (or actually order and pay for food for me). Its almost like they have been guilting me into another helping of food that I really don't want.
I'm gonna be honest it is tough for me to be firm because most of the ladies I work with could be my mother or grandmother. I totally get the "oh come on, you don't need to watch what you eat" or "is there something going on" and my favorite "you are going to shrink of you keep that up". I almost feel like I need an arsenal of excuses just to eat my dern salad!
It's a very common issue for all of us! Friends can do harm with their parties invitations;-) When i am going out ith friends i simply eat healthy food!! it's easy. Order salads, seafood/fish/chicken at the cafes, don't go to the McDonald's, KFC etc. Invite friends yourself to choose the place where you all will go. Choose active rest, cafes with different types of food (where your friends can order fries and hamburger and you can have your salad with chicken breasts).
alyrh oh that's harsh, I feel older women tend to be so pushy/convincing. They make you feel like you're being unhealthy. I totally understand your position, it's not a good one to be in!
Gingerjv I'll try to be the one inviting next time!! Thankfully my friends don't tend to go to fast food joints but usually they'll lure me with deserts and high-calorie drinks. As much as I love them, it's hard to accept the fact that they're not making the choice to watch what they eat and I am. Maybe what I have to change the most is my mindset. When I'm with them, it seems I want to eat whatever I want rather than be healthy, which is not a good sign.
i deal with that now.My friends all eat like crap.Im the one *****ing that the place they wanna go has nothing healthy we need to pick somewhere else.You need to be an advocate for you.Forget what they think or say.You need to do whats best for you.And remember thin dosent always mean fit.
The only thing more awkward than trying to side-step questions from friends is to do it on dates. I am newly single and going on first dates is a freaking minefield of alcohol and food.
I find it helps if you act really excited about your food choices. like "oh, that spinach-walnut salad sounds amazing! I'm definitely going to have that." or "I've really been enjoying going out without drinking lately, its been a nice change of pace for me, but thank you for offering" People have a harder time crapping on your food choices when you've stated a preference, because then they can't tell themselves you'd really rather have the burger/beer, but are grudgingly forgoing it.
The cheerful, nondefensive I'm-having-exactly-what-I-want-to-be-having attitude works best for me, in terms of fending off weird conversations about my food choices.
I ended up keeping my old friends but not seeing them as much and made new friends from sports clubs and activities where we catch up on a hike or bike ride or something active.
I think some of the advice is great above, be enthusiastic about your choices.
At the end of the day I'd suggest fill your time more with people you meet who also have a healthy lifestyle who support you. Still see the others but know that they are making it harder for you on an already hard journey. Friends like that tend not to deal well with a new slimmer you too in my experience (from past weight loss, this time I still have a way to go till that situation... But with my new additional friends I know they will just be happy for me).
Thanks for your stories everyone. I talked to my best friend recently (who says that I should/don't have to lose weight) and explained to him why I wanted to do it. He understood completely and now doesn't say anything when I'm having smaller portions or not eating out the same food as him and other friends.
I also think I might lose some friends or slowly distance myself from them. The weightloss I want to do isn't just dieting and exercising, it's a complete lifestyle overhaul. Only those who understand or will not be concerned by what I'm doing will stick around, I'm guessing.
On average I'd say once every two weeks but that's only because we're reuniting during the summer. It calms down once everyone is busy but I'll suggest seafood/fish next time we're heading somewhere or if someone is hosting dinner. Thank you!
I'm struggling with this now, and yes once summer ends it will slow down... Depending on where I'm going and who I try and check out the menu before and order stuff on plan. If I'm drinking I sip one drink all night and then stick to water. I also try and make sure I extra focused on working out. I know it isn't perfect, but I figure its a work in progress and I don't want to always so no to going out which was what was happening.
Oh and this isn't really advice, more I'm going through it too, good luck and *hug*
Last edited by Obsidianbbw; 08-11-2014 at 08:32 AM.
I'm struggling with this now, and yes once summer ends it will slow down... Depending on where I'm going and who I try and check out the menu before and order stuff on plan. If I'm drinking I sip one drink all night and then stick to water. I also try and make sure I extra focused on working out. I know it isn't perfect, but I figure its a work in progress and I don't want to always so no to going out which was what was happening.
Oh and this isn't really advice, more I'm going through it too, good luck and *hug*
thanks for your reply I also check the menu before going somewhere if I can, it's a good way to plan your day as well. The worst are unplanned outings and dinners at someone's place. Those are seriously hard to plan/be reasonable.
Good luck to you and hope we can stick to our lifestyles!!
Friends and bad food days
