Re-introducing myself. I'm back for different reasons.
Hello all,
I used to be a regular here, and loved coming to this site for inspiration and information. I've been gone for over a year, but decided this site could be of great help in a different way for me now.
When I started here I was doing weight watchers. At my highest weight I was 240 lbs. I started ww at 227 lbs, and got down to 190. At that point I had some medical issues with my kidneys and had to take some time off. I ended up gaining back 21 lbs. About the time I decided I needed to get back into ww I was diagnosed with throat cancer. Needless to say, my life was thrown into a tailspin and losing weight was the last thing on my mind. To be honest in the month between my diagnosis and first radiation treatment I ate like I didn't have a care in the world, and gained even more.
Around the third week in I started to have trouble eating. Everything tasted terrible, even water, and it hurt to swallow. By the following week I couldn't eat at all. Severe mucositis, pain, and thrush all kept me from being able to get any food down. I also developed a hiatal hernia, which made me throw up anything I could force down. I basically gave up trying to eat. I had a swallowing therapist and a nutritionist both talk me into getting a feeding tube. I was ready, however my oncologist refused. He kept telling me I would be eating in a day or two. So he sent me for fluids instead. Everyday for almost three weeks I would head straight from radiation to get IV fluids, and potassium, which would take 4 to 5 hours. This whole time I didn't eat a single bite of food. I was starving. I had an appetite. I could smell food and wanted to eat it so bad, but could not physically get it down. I couldn't even get boost or water to stay down. I ended up in the ER several times at the same hospital, and was refused a feeding tube every time. My oncologist wanted to put me on antidepressants. He thought I wasn't eating because I was depressed. I was depressed, but I wasnt eating because I could not get food past the wall of mucous in the back of my throat. Between that and all the medications I threw up constantly. One tiny little bite of something would send me into fits of hour long vomiting and dry heaving.
Finally after one extremely rough night I was on my way back to ER. I told my husband to take me to a different hospital. That night was two months to the day since I had eaten any food at all. Literally nothing. I ended up in there for 10 days. By the second day there I had a feeding tube in. I finally started to get some nutrition. By the end of that hospital stay I was eating small amounts of broth and some nutrition drinks. I was sent home with a nasal feeding tube and my husband learned to change the bags and run the machine and I started to feel better.
In the end Ive lost almost 70 lbs, 60 of it within 6 weeks. So here I am weighing close to what my original goal was. I didn't lose it the way I would have liked, but its gone. I like to call it my silver lining. Now Im here to learn to maintain this new body. I have changed the way I eat. I am just not interested in fast food, which I used to love. My sense of taste is still messed up and it tastes like pure chemicals to me. I don't eat a lot of meat because its hard to chew and swallow. I've been juicing with my meals because I feel like I need all the vitamins I can get. I think I eat fairly well now, but get cravings for junk once in a while. When I give in its almost always a disappointment because it doesn't taste anything like I remembered it tasting. I am terrified Im going to get too comfortable at this new weight and think I can eat whatever I want, and the weight will creep back on. I am also terrified that Ill start eating all the chemical filled crap I used to eat and it will make me sick again. Yea, I'm scared of everything now.
So my goals for being here, are to learn how to maintain my weight and find a way to eat clean and healthy. Thanks to those of you that stuck around for this whole post, I appreciate it. I didnt start out intending to write a novel, but it was kind of cathartic getting it all out, so thank you for that as well.
As for the happy ending....I just had my follow up scans last week and my new and wonderful oncologist told me that he sees nothing to be concerned about. I am now cancer free.
Thanks again for reading, I look forward to getting to know you all.
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I'm so sorry to hear about what a tough journey you've had. I can't imagine what a nightmare it must have been. Thank goodness you're healthy now!! Welcome! 
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