Hello again. My name is Jessica. I live in New York. I have a beautiful 9 month old baby girl who is the light of my life and without her I probably would be even more sad and full of self hatred than I already am.

I hate looking at myself and seeing what I see...a bunch of fat and rolls as i am writing this I am sobbing crying bc I just cannot stand to be me. I never really felt comfortable with my weight, but just kind of pushed it aside and try to not let it bother me. Well now i think i reached the breaking point of it all.

I have a boyfriend (daughters father) we have been together for two years now. Hasn't been the best two years, esp for my self esteem. From meeting him I knew he liked thinner slimmer women which alone made me feel crappy.. but I figured if he's slping with me and we had a baby together he must feel ok with me. Well sometimes, quite a few times when we get into arguments he will take all the opportunity to bash me and my weight. He will say how he doesn't want to be with such a fat girl and it hurts me so much. I think more than it should. He will tell me that he's just mad in the moment and all he wants to so is motivate me and be healthy, but it happens too much, imo.. and its certainly not motivating me. It just makes me feel worse and makes me want to destroy myself but then I think abt my daughter and I calm down. I do feel like he is not attracted to me. I don't blame him bc am not attracted to myself :'( I'm just so sick of drowning myself in self pitty. I'm so sick of being FAT. I'm so sick of feeling ugly, less than just bc of my weight.

I want to lose the weight so badly. I want to stop eating the worst possible foods imaginable. i have cut out meat and poultry out of my food. But ever since I fell pregnant last year, I liked the taste of sweets. I just want to be happy with myself!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to look at myself tand smile bc I like my reflection. i want to do it for me.

I unfortunately don't have much money to go to the gym but I would love to do some home work outs and eventually gain courage to go jogging/running.

I mainly want to focus on my back and tummy. I have rolls on my back and a "pouch" from when I gave birth via c-section. If anyone can please give me some pointers I would really really appreciate it. Or if anyone has also had a c-section and knows the best workouts, it would be so so appreciated.

I want to fit in that bikini that I always wanted to wear all my life!!!

Thanks again all......

Hi Jessica. First off, welcome to the forums. This is a great place and I'm sure you'll find all the support and motivation you could possibly want

I'm afraid I don't have any advice related specifically to your situation since I don't have any children, but there are many people here who do and can probably weigh in here.

With regards to your health and weight, you've already taken the first step by joining up here and being ready to make a change. It may not seem like much, but it really is huge. It took me 10 years of being enormous to even admit it was a problem. About the gym, I personally don't think you need to go to one at all. There are tons of videos and exercises you can follow at home while starting out. I started out with doing squats and jogging in place at home, and then moved on to going for walks outside. If there's a place you can go to just walk, it's ideal. Most people who walk outside (or even at the gym, for that matter) aren't concerned with others. They're normally in their own worlds (something I didn't believe until I actually went out myself ), so there's no worries about being embarrassed.

Additionally, something I recently learned on these forums, is that losing weight is more about diet than exercise, so you may have to be more strict about that. There are many ways in which to diet. A lot of people count calories, do portion control, intuitive eating, etc. Find what works for you. What works for me is not counting calories, but just cutting my portions down. I can't stay on a diet that restricts food that I enjoy, but it's much easier to eat that food, just less of it. I also made small changes slowly. I stopped having sodas altogether, majorly cut down fried foods.. all of this I did over the course of one or two months so that I wouldn't feel restricted.

Anyway, that's just what's worked for me so far. You can try out a few different methods, find what works for you and stick with it. In my opinion, what works is not just a diet that makes you drop pounds fast, but one that keeps you satisfied while eating healthy. There are many options you can find both on these forums and other places online.

With regards to your boyfriend, I know it's none of my business, but I cannot think of any reason why he should be allowed to put you down like that. Saying that it was because he lost his temper or whatever is not an excuse. If I were you I would put my foot down and tell him that thank you, I appreciate the motivation, if that truly is the intent, but it just makes me feel worse and doesn't help the situation at all and it needs to change. He has been with you for a while and is the father of your daughter, so I could never be so cavalier as to say just go ahead and dump him, but I would suggest that you have an honest conversation with him and tell him that while he may be trying to motivate you, his attitude towards it is terrible and leaves you feeling bad about yourself. Tell him what he can do to help you, whether it be eating healthier in the house, going for walks/runs with you, etc. If he truly does love you and wants to help you, he will accept what you say and make an effort. Keep in mind that if you want to lose weight, you should do it for yourself and for your health, not to make anyone else happy.

Once again, this is just my opinion. I'm no expert on weight loss or relationships, it's just what I think

Lastly, please remember that you are more than just a number on a scale. Reach out to friends, pamper yourself once in a while, exercise a little bit (it does wonders for self esteem ). Life should be about more than just our weight loss efforts. And when you fall short of motivation, a great pick-me-up is looking at the Goal posts on this forum, especially the ones with pictures. It really will make you see that no matter how bad you feel, that bikini is not out of reach at all

Again, welcome and good luck

Loosing weight is about diet and restricting calories. However, I started out by introducing daily exercise. It did practically nothing in terms of scale weight, but I noticed results within a week and started to gain endurance, muscles and loosing inches (a lot actually). So, I would definitely encourage you to start doing something. I started with Jillian Michaels 30-day shred. Her DVDs are cheap, very effective and take mostly only 30 min of your time. I have been doing it now for two years and just love her. So, try to find something that fits your style and just do it. You will find it changes how you feel and will encourage you to also look at your diet.

Ugh. I think his behavior absolutely needs to stop. It sounds to me like you kinda think you deserve it, but you don't. Nobody does. And that is a horrible thing for a child to grow up hearing. Please do whatever it takes to make sure that she (and you!) aren't exposed to it anymore, whether that is making him go to therapy, threatening to leave, leaving, etc. He doesn't sound like a great partner to me, but obviously this is the only thing I know about him.

As for the weight loss... Can you share your stats? I'm not sure if you're ten pounds overweight or have a significant amount to lose. One thing, though, if you're eating badly, I think you will feel a whole lot better in just a few days of regaining control over it. If you have a particular problem with carbs and sweets, I'd say try low carb bc it will be easier to stick to it. Otherwise, I would just pick a plan and go for it.

And exercise, imo, really depends on where you're starting. Exercise can slow the weight loss, so if you have a lot that you want to lose, you might want to wait until later in the process to start. I started exercising after I lost the first 40 pounds, and I think it was a little easier on my body than if I'd started at my high weight. I was pretty big, though, and probably quite a bit older than you (I'm 43).

And you don't need a gym. Walking and running are great exercises and you can pick up some free weights at target pretty cheap.

Thank you all for your responses. It helps just to have some support.

I do walk a lot. I enjoy taking walks with my daughter. I try to get out 3-4x a day to walk abt 40 blocks. But I don't feel like it has really done anything in terms of my weight.. like I previously said, I cut out red meat, chicken, and pork (my boyfriend is a vegetarian, and when we started living together I would cook his food and I did enjoy it. so I just stuck to it. And it made me feel a lot better health wise. I'm not a big soda fan. I am Italian, so we are big on pasta and cheeses. I know everything has to be in moderation. That's wgat I need to practice.

I have been pretty overweight all my life. I'm 20 years old, weighing abt 265. Growing up all i ever heard from my docs was to lose weight. There was a point in my life where I lost 50 lbs but still didn't see much improvement. And ultimately stopped trying to lose. When I stopped eating meat I lose weight and noticed myself a bit slimmer, but then fell pregnant about 7 months later. So there went that.

As for my boyfriend, I'm not making excuses but I think he means well, it just sounds so mean. He believes n "tough love" and I really do not. I don't even think that's what it is. It just hurts so much to hear that from someone you love and have opened up to.. He told me he's weighted 300+ and lost it so bc he did it I guess he believes anyone can... Which i do too but for some is harder. He bought me a bike when we first met and we used to bike ride. I felt embarrassed. I didn't think it did much for me mainly bc i didn't really enjoy it. That was abt 4 times. I still have the bike just sitting in our living room. I feel so self conscious of what people think. I know I shouldn't, but its that bad. I'm that insecure with myself

I feel like I'm never going to lose. Just gain. And gain. I feel like I abused my body for so long that its too late now

Well i can't comment on all of that but i can say you are NOT too old. I am 48. I started getting motivated 5 months ago. I feel awesome now. Our bodies are amazing. Treat them well and they will respond.

BTW chicken and meat can be perfectly healthy, especially chicken and in moderation. But not necessary to cut them out. Of course I have much respect for people who do. But lots of worse stuff.

Hi Moonchild! I know everything feels overwhelming right now--the worry about weight, having a new baby to care for, having a critical boyfriend, so now just take a deep breath. It's all going to be okay. First off, stop thinking in terms of all the weight you have to lose. All you have to lose is 5 lbs. And once you lose 5 lbs, then you can concentrate on losing another 5 lbs, but for right now, don't look that far ahead. Just try to modify your diet so that you can lose 5 lbs. That's it. It sounds like carbs are the place to start since you like sweets and pasta. Quick-burning carbs have a nasty way of putting you into a vicious cycle. It's not just a matter of willpower. Carbs can cause a physical reaction in your body that makes you want to eat even more carbs. You should be full, but you're hungry, again! The worse the carb, the harder this reaction is to control. White foods--like bread, pasta, potatoes, rice, sugar--are the worst offenders. You need to stick with non-starchy veggies, fibrous fruits, whole grain bread, whole grain pasta, whole grain rice, nuts, and legumes. Do you eat fish? Fish is great. You really do need to work the sweets out of your system. Unless you do, it's going to be really hard to control your appetite. Like I said, it's not just a matter of willpower. It's a physical reaction. But you can beat it and that's where the willpower comes in. Initially, you have to make the conscious decision to change what you eat, and it's hard, but you can do it, and once you do, it's going to get so much easier to make the right food choices, and you won't be hungry all the time.

Please be kind to yourself. You just had a child and I'm sure that has an effect on your emotions. As for your bf, there are guys who just don't get it. Until he matured, my hubby was kind of like that. Not to your bf's extreme, but he would make comments, thinking they might help motivate me when all they did was make me want to self-medicate my emotional reaction with food even more. You really do have to talk to him and try to make him understand that he's not your father, he doesn't control your body, and his weight comments have no place in your household because they are hurtful and in no way helpful to you, and if your daughter is raised hearing them, she will grow up always questioning her weight and that can lead young girls to eating disorders. His comments have to stop, period. It's one thing to be supportive, ride bikes with you, etc. It's entirely different to bash you because of your weight during an argument.

So, back to the basics--5 lbs. That's what you need to go for. Just 5 lbs. There's no time limit. When you get there, you get there. You can do it by cutting out those sweets, eating healthier, non-white foods, and not oversizing your portions. Think positive! You CAN do this!

Edited to add: This Pregnant-Nursing forum might be helpful to you: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/pregnant-nursing-173/.