I'm a supervisor and part of my job is to cover for my staff when they go on vacation, and I love doing it as it keeps me on my toes and I like knowing what everyone's job functions are. I was promoted after only being there a few months and several of the women quickly cooled on me...one basically told me I had stolen her job. That was months ago and I thought the animosity had died down and we all seemed to be getting along.
I was covering for someone who was taking a long holiday weekend today and I had emailed her something from my computer so I just typed in my name to search for the email from her computer...and stumbled across something I sorely wish that I hadn't read.
Apparently her and two of her coherts take great pleasure in ridiculing me, and they seem to spend a good time doing it. The girl didn't have the tact to delete the emails from her inbox and they just piled up in her inbox. Most of the subjects started - "She's such a fat b**** because..." and there is a running total of all of the things I've supposedly done to wrong them.
I only read a couple and I couldn't put myself through it anymore. They commented on my clothes, about how I can buy all the clothes I want to but it doesn't make me any less fat.
One of the girls overheard me mention to someone that I was trying to lose some weight so it was mentioned how I could lose all the weight I wanted to but I would still be ugly.
There were a lot of really mean and nasty things about me, physically, as a person. I was too shocked to even cry. I can't believe women over the age of 25 behave like this.
I feel like I was snooping, but it work email and they know I have to have access to their email - the other two girls at least had the decency to delete the emails.
I don't know how to handle this. I know how I would like to handle it, but I don't think that's an option as the offender has a close relationship with someone higher up in the company.
If I tell the owner, he will make things ten times worse as he is blunt to a fault. There is only one real equal, management wise, I have, but I don't really trust her not to say anything. I'm just using this job to kill some time until I can go back to school and I know I shouldn't stress, but it's probably been 20 years since I've had my feelings hurt this much.
The only positive thing I can say is that I didn't finish of the bottle of red in the fridge, I didn't stop by Starbucks on the way home, and I didn't finish of my husband's Ben & Jerry's.
Hey, I couldn't read this and left it unresponded. I am not sure what to say but I am so sorry you heard those hurtful things.
As impossible as it is, people only bring others down when they are jealous of them. They clearly are envious of your position and are hating on that, not your bod.
I'm not sure what I would do but to be honest, I don't know what you CAN do. I guess they shouldn't use work email for that but otherwise, it was in their own inbox.
I'm glad this job isn't the world to you- maybe it's time to go back to school sooner rather than lateR?
And at teh end of the day, good for you for not bingeing. You are losing, one day at a time, and that may include losing a friend or two on the way. If they can't be happy for you, their opinion doesn't matter anyway.
People will tear down others in any way that they can in order to feel better about themselves, especially in a work situation like that. I occasionally caught employees trashing me in similar ways when I got a promotion at an old job.
Hold your head up high, and just remember that what they say actually says so much more about them than it does about you.
This will hurt you for a few days but you have to remember this has nothing to do with you. This has everything to do with the type of people they are. They are immature and petty. For me it is not surprising to see adults behaving this way, unfortunately people do it all time. When this happens to you the only thing you can do is remember who you are. Their behavior reflects upon them not on you. I used to think people grow out of this kind of behavior but I don't think so anymore. I think it gets worse with age.
What you should do is stay professional, act like you've never seen the emails. But now you know where you stand with them...go from there.
When people say ugly things about other people, it says much more about the one who's talking than the one who's being talked about. I'm so so so sorry this happened to you, even though they're the ones projecting their insecurities, it's never fun to be on the receiving end of it. Hang in there
I am sorry about this but if it were me , and I have been a supervisor, I would not do or say anything about the emails. Leave it alone, especially if you do not plan to stay there long term. I am afraid if you say anything about seeing the emails it will backfire on you and you will be called a troublemaker.
I would have printed out all of the emails and made three copies. One for yourself, one for the owner, and one for the higher up who is in a relationship with one of the offenders.
Then I would go to the higher up and the boss (separately or together) and say as unemotionally and off-hand as possible, say something like "I ran across these when I was covering for ex when I was looking for an email I sent her. I really don't know how to handle this, and hoped you might help. I've also given copies to so-and-so to get his/her input as well.
It doesn't matter that bossman is blunt - that's not your problem. By not going in angry or vengeful, just calm and concerned, you're passing the responsibility up the chain of command. Let them handle it.
You did nothing wrong, and these gossips should learn this is not appropriate office behavior. I've seen people fired for much less (like using company time to write job search emails).
Even if they only get a slap on the wrist, that's not your problem.
If you decide not to do so, at the very least, I would call all three gossips into the office and say calmly (smile if you can) "Hey, I've heard that you three have been saying some very unpleasant things about me and others, but I dismissed it as office gossip until I ran across these emails when I was covering for x. I realize griping about coworkers and supervisors is perfectly normal, but stuff like this is not appropriate for the workplace and I trust that this will stop. If I hear that you're talking like this about me or anyone else in the company, I will have to take further action and get my supervisors involved.
The reason you want them to think you got wind of this through office gossip, and not just email, is because it will make the gossips think twice about doing their *****ing in the office where anyone can hear. And if they're talking about you, they're talking about others too, so making this about everyone, not just you is important, because it will reinforce the idea that any nasty comments about anyone will not be tolerated and they'll never feel safe doing so again.
Personally, I'd add a little warning to make them wonder whether they were ratted out by one another by saying something like, "When you say stuff like this about coworkers to other coworkers, you never know who is going to agree with you to your face and then carry the gossip back to the people you were gossiping about."
Location: A beautiful and peaceful place in the woods
Posts: 8,905
S/C/G: Stuck/Working on it/Good 2 Go
Height: Fun Size
I agree with Bargoo's advice - and I too have been in management. Particularly since you comment that you are just killing time with this job and don't intend to make a long term career out of it.
IF this were a fair world, the snipey people would be properly disciplined for inappropriate use of company email or chastised for contributing to a hostile environment. But sadly, schemers know how to skirt the system and use favoritism and connections to their advantage. I know it hurts terribly to see the contents of the emails but it also shows what petty whiners these people are. And you will find them everywhere you go. I'm afraid if you say something about this being the person she is, she will make a big deal of you going into her email and it can make things worse for you.
Accept that as you go through life you will encounter people who are snarky, mean and petty - just make it your business to deal with them at arms length if it's not possible to avoid them totally. But do not give them power over you or sink to their level. Become a better person because of them and use it to strengthen your cool and reserve. I always greatly admired people who were able to hold their composure when faced with situations I myself would rant about. Don't let this one get to you, I'm sure the others are watching you too. There will be good jobs and bad, do the best you can, leave knowing you did the best you could when the time comes and keep a good reference. You can always change your appearance, she will probably forever be stuck in a nowhere land and one day someone may just teach her a lesson or two - especially if she gets more cocky using company email.
I commend you for not reaching for the easy consolation - obviously you have strength and leadership. Keep your chin up and as they say "don't let the turkey's get you down".
That's truly rubbish, sorry you had to experience that.
All I can say is that those girls are clearly pathetic types who are bored at work and think criticising someone else is a good use of company time. No matter how much I potentially disliked a manager/colleague of mine, I'd never gossip about them over email, it's just not appropriate behaviour.
I would just leave it for now. Perhaps if this woman causes problems for you in future you could bring it up. But I'd just put it down to her being a nasty character and try and move on from it.
Hope you're okay. Don't let the *****es bring you down!!
Definitely print those emails out and keep them in a file. Personally I wouldn't go running to anyone with them. This is your issue to deal with, not a boss who's a man and can't identify with how hurtful this must be.
Stay calm and never let them see you sweat. In your most authoratative voice approach the offender and calmly say "Please try to keep personal emails to a minimum." or something like that. You're basically letting her know that you've been through her inbox. I bet those emails are cleared out by the end of the day, but not before you've printed them out as leverage. That's what I would do anyway, I agree with the previous poster who said it could be turned around on you that you went through her mailbox.
Thank you everyone for the support. I talked to my husband and my best friend last night and I felt a lot better after I posted this and talked it through.
I guess my biggest problem isn't so much what they said as that they waste so much time doing it. And while I don't really like a lot of people I work, I never say an ill word about anyone to anyone I work with, it's just really unprofessional. People may misconstrue constructive critisism as me tearing them down, but other than that, I really try to encourage people.
I wish I could just leave it alone and ignore it, but these girls spend huge chunks of company time personally corresponding with one another and I have to say something about it.
I know it sounds really sexist, but I really miss working with men sometimes. Years ago I worked at a foundry where there were only three women who worked there and I never had this kind of ongoing drama.
My husband made a good point, I don't really like these women who are talking about me behind my back, so why should I care what they think. I guess I need to realize that not everyone thinks or feels the way I do.
And thanks for everything - I'm going to try to start this day on a more positive note - it's Friday and a three day weekend!
Oh Punk.... I am so sorry that that happened.. Women can be so vicious and for no reason..... You are a GOOD person and what they wrote is just words and it does not stick to you (kinda like when we were kids I am teflon and it just slides off of me) but I know inside it will always be there and it will be hard to look at them in the eye when you need to have a regular conversation with them... I am so sorry...
Just a thought..... Is there someone in your office in charge of IT? They could send out an email saying that emails are being monitored and that if there is excessive personal emails that that person will be spoken too? Might scare the C**P outta them.... in a professional way of course...
You're obviously a good person at that job, they promoted you to management!
You have access to their email, but are you supposed to be in there? I have access to quite a few things that I don't necessarily think the company wants me to be in. The last thing you want from this is for YOU to get in trouble.
Aside from that, print off the emails and keep them. It's good to have a history in case they get deleted.
You're in management now so you really should try to handle this yourself without involving anyone above you - yet. I do agree with one of the posters that if it taking significant amounts of time you should mention something to everyone (not just the people who did it) that time on personal emails should be reasonable and is being monitored.
NO EMPLOYEE should EVER expect that work emails will remain private. We get notices all the time at my office about this. If you have something similar, I'd pass it around.
Personally, I'd add a little warning to make them wonder whether they were ratted out by one another by saying something like, "When you say stuff like this about coworkers to other coworkers, you never know who is going to agree with you to your face and then carry the gossip back to the people you were gossiping about."
yes
Quote:
Originally Posted by wannaskipandlaugh
Just a thought..... Is there someone in your office in charge of IT? They could send out an email saying that emails are being monitored and that if there is excessive personal emails that that person will be spoken too? Might scare the C**P outta them.... in a professional way of course...
I have worked with witches like this before. And I sympathize with you as much as humanly possible via the internet.
Women like this have no boundaries and they will never ever change. They've been this way their whole life and will be this way till the day they die. I was 30 years old managing women in their 50s and I had direct goals and numbers that had to be met for our team. They'd tell me I took life too seriously and that work wasn't everything. Yes, I get that. But that doesn't mean that my job doesn't depend on how well our team does. In the end, I quit due to the stress and these witches are still there (probably going after the new young girl that replaced me). I shudder at the thought of these women and I haven't worked there in years.
I would have cried reading those emails (after I printed them for my file). It's a hostile work environment that these women have created for you and it's nothing short of bullying, even if it's not done to your face. I don't have any advice for you (sorry ), my answer was to get myself out of the situation as soon as I could and never ever see them again.
I hope today is an ok day for you, just avoid the troublemakers and do your own thing. And try to relax over the long weekend (even though I know it's so hard).
I Have to Get this Off My Chest
