I just watched a documentary called America the Beautiful about self image and beauty obsession in America. It is from 2008 but the same issues are plaguing us today and I found it really relevant. Even though it is about America, I would suggest it to anyone exposed to media. You can watch it online for free at Hulu.
One of the most moving parts of the documentary was a segment with Eve Ensler regarding body acceptance. I found the snippit online and I can't seem to watch it enough!
It is only a minute and a half long, but very powerful.
Regardless of your present size or shape or how far along you are on your body transformation, I hope and pray and wish for you all that you learn to love your body and that you see the beauty you possess right now. I hope that your journey is one of love and strength. I wish this for myself as well, because it is easy to lose sight in our society.
At the time my reaction was that there is a difference between loving yourself and loving your body.
I'm sure that some degree of concern with self-image and beauty is causing women and girls strive to have a body type that is portrayed in fashion magazines and other mainstream media. And sure, this can often lead to unhealthy behavior and condition (bulimia, anorexia, depression, etc.) But if its keeping some people from letting themselves become obese, its not a bad thing.
Moreover, it is one thing to accept and love your body when you have a healthy body. I can certain understand the argument why one should not feel compelled to strive for what they perceive to be perfection. But it is quite another thing to love your body when one's weight is not healthy. In my opinion, if you are morbidly obese, you are doing your body and yourself a disservice if you simply take the opinion that your body is fine the way it is and accept it. "Body acceptance" isn't going to stave off diabetes, heart disease and a host of other weight induced health problems if one remains complacent in their obesity.
And Joe, the people that responded saying health and weight don't have a direct correlation? Good luck to them. I was a "healthy" 328lbs with zero symptoms of being morbidly obese (except for the morbidly obese part...). Cholesterol, blood pressure, glucose, were healthy numbers. It was this little thing called cancer feasting on my fat cells and loving every morsel of fat I put in my body. So yes, technically I was a healthy morbidly obese person. Until that one day I wasn't anymore. (And seriously, who was I kidding? Did I think I'd beat odds being large and healthy?)
I was too, Elvis. Even at the height of my weight my levels were great. Its funny what your doctor said about wishing he had your blood levels. Mine said the same thing!
But the reality is, if you look at the actuarial data, obese people do not have the same life spans as people who are in the normal weight range. So, I have a problem when people -- like that so-called "body image expert" in the article I posted -- tries to convince women to love their bodies no matter how big they are. Like I said, its one thing to accept and love your body if you have a healthy body. I get that. There is no need to strive to be a size 2 or 4 when you are a size 6 or 8 -- or whatever. (I have little concept of what women sizes translate to in terms of inches or pounds). What matters is being healthy.
I was too, Elvis. Even at the height of my weight my levels were great. Its funny what your doctor said about wishing he had your blood levels. Mine said the same thing!
We are awesome, Joe! But I also think that our doctors aren't eating as healthy as you and I are right now. We are working our tails off!
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Originally Posted by joefla70
But the reality is, if you look at the actuarial data, obese people do not have the same life spans as people who are in the normal weight range. So, I have a problem when people -- like that so-called "body image expert" in the article I posted -- tries to convince women to love their bodies no matter how big they are. Like I said, its one thing to accept and love your body if you have a healthy body. I get that. There is no need to strive to be a size 2 or 4 when you are a size 6 or 8 -- or whatever. (I have little concept of what women sizes translate to in terms of inches or pounds). What matters is being healthy.
Very well said. I do hope that women value themselves no matter what size they are as they are human beings with hearts and souls, but the self love of women of size (in reference to size) is such the wrong message for society to embrace and/or promote. I only say this because of my own experience and the fact that my size literally tried to kill me and I didn't even know it! I mean, I "knew" being heavy wasn't healthy but I sincerely never thought I could/would die from it. I thought I'd get my life back in control before that ever happened. And now, thank God I did! But not without being scared s***less that I'd die before I could. (I really did tell my husband that I wanted to be cremated so no men would have to carry an oversized heavy casket. Talk about a humbling conversation to have with the love of your life.) I never want another woman to have to go through what I have but it's "me" against the machine. How can my word compete with the ones saying "fat is ok, it's beautiful, etc.". It's not ok and there is no way anyone will ever justify it to me again. Ever.
Joe, you might not completely agree with it, but thank you for linking to the article.
I do agree that it is important that we take care of our bodies and our health. No amount of delusion is going to help us stave away health issues. I do believe that if you really love your body and yourself you will be more likely to take care of it. Part of taking care of it is making sure that you focus on your health including what is a healthy weight.
What I really hope and wish for all of us is that we focus on body transformation from a place of love and not from hate. Life is just too short to spend it hating ourselves and our bodies. I believe as well when we HATE our bodies we are more likely to do things in the process of trying to lose weight or maintain weight that are unhealthy and destructive. As well if we lose weight out of hate, even when we are skinnier that negative thinking can linger until we learn to accept ourselves as we are. In contrast, sometimes we are overweight in the first place because of deep seated body or self worth issues.
The sad thing about media images is that not only are they selling an unhealthy ideal, but they are selling an impossible one. Beyond photoshopping out blemishes and stray hairs they are also dramatically altering face and body shapes. The images end up looking very little like the actual model. It is a very important thing for everyone especially young people to realize. If some people are staying thin because of these images they are more than likely doing it for the wrong reasons.
I think it is also important to note that it is a myth that purely being thin directly equates to being healthy. There have been many studies in recent years that contradict that myth. For instance, moderately overweight people that exercises regularly have been found to be healthier than thin people who don't, though they do have more risk factors than thinner people who exercise. Too much fat does put a strain on a body. I'm not saying that morbidly obese people can be truly healthy. But studies do show that you don't have to be stick thin for long term health. Actuarial data is important for trends in society, but our individual health data really is the most important. There is a happy medium that seems so hard to find.
Joe, you might not completely agree with it, but thank you for linking to the article.
I do agree that it is important that we take care of our bodies and our health. No amount of delusion is going to help us stave away health issues. I do believe that if you really love your body and yourself you will be more likely to take care of it. Part of taking care of it is making sure that you focus on your health including what is a healthy weight.
What I really hope and wish for all of us is that we focus on body transformation from a place of love and not from hate. Life is just too short to spend it hating ourselves and our bodies. I believe as well when we HATE our bodies we are more likely to do things in the process of trying to lose weight or maintain weight that are unhealthy and destructive. As well if we lose weight out of hate, even when we are skinnier that negative thinking can linger until we learn to accept ourselves as we are. In contrast, sometimes we are overweight in the first place because of deep seated body or self worth issues.
The sad thing about media images is that not only are they selling an unhealthy ideal, but they are selling an impossible one. Beyond photoshopping out blemishes and stray hairs they are also dramatically altering face and body shapes. The images end up looking very little like the actual model. It is a very important thing for everyone especially young people to realize. If some people are staying thin because of these images they are more than likely doing it for the wrong reasons.
I think it is also important to note that it is a myth that purely being thin directly equates to being healthy. There have been many studies in recent years that contradict that myth. For instance, moderately overweight people that exercises regularly have been found to be healthier than thin people who don't, though they do have more risk factors than thinner people who exercise. Too much fat does put a strain on a body. I'm not saying that morbidly obese people can be truly healthy. But studies do show that you don't have to be stick thin for long term health. Actuarial data is important for trends in society, but our individual health data really is the most important. There is a happy medium that seems so hard to find.
I am the poster-child for the danger of accepting one's own body unconditionally. I can't say that I "loved" it, but I was complacent in my obesity so that I didn't do anything about it for 20+ years. Sure, I wasn't depressed. But I wasn't doing myself any favors by staying obese. I will never be obsessed to look like a model of Men's Health magazine. I could care less about that. I just want to be around for my kids as long as possible. And I know that at my former weight, and even now, my chances are not good if I don't stay on track with my weight loss.
I agree with you that you don't need to be "stick thin" to be healthy. There is definitely a happy medium -- some sort of range - that one can be in where they are healthy, and don't need to kill themselves to be thinner. But often people still strive to be thinner just for the body image. That, I agree, can be a problem. But the reason why I mentioned the actuarial data is because studies have shown that on average, obesity greatly reduces a person's life span.
But you don't need scientific studies to tell you this. Just pay attention to older people. How many obese people do you see in their 80s? I don't notice many. Most of them are thin. Now, that could be that the obese ones don't get out of their house as much as the thin ones. But that, in and of itself, would be telling.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for YouTube link! I chuckled and I teared up a little. I'm having some body image issues due to some loose skin, and sometimes I just need a reminder to "love my tree!"
THANK YOU! Loved it. Now I'm going to think about trees every time beauty is brought up.
" the self love of women of size (in reference to size) is such the wrong message for society to embrace and/or promote."
"But if its keeping some people from letting themselves become obese, its not a bad thing."
Elvis & Joe, I was kind of surprised to read these views. I want to ask, is the fat acceptance movement you both seem to be calling out as a bad idea REALLY trying to condone unhealthy behaviors or are they trying to promote separating the judgement of unhealthy behaviors from the visibly overweight/obese body? You two know better than most that you can practice and sustain extraordinarily healthy habits while still appearing obese...for example after losing 100lbs but still being 100lbs overweight. People who are 100lbs overweight will still be perceived by many as lazy, and most likely be actively discriminated against because of it...even after working their @ss off for months or years...THIS is the point of body acceptance...we don't know where people are at, or why, we can't know. Stigmatization and shame do not help people lose weight, positive support systems and health-promoting infrastructure do. (Yale, Rudd Center) Weight gain is merely a marker for poor metabolic health, not the cause. It has been acceptable to ridicule fat people for ages...including during this most recent age during which obesity has skyrocketed...so I would argue that whatever tiny fraction of people are being motivated to stay thin by our persecution is insignificant when compared to the droves of fat people who lack the self-confidence to go out and do something as benign as jog. Personally, being shamed never motivated me to slip into some spandex and go to the gym...it caused me to avoid people and physical activity, and spend more time at home eating. Behaviors increase the risk of mortality, not appearances, why is there so much disdain for the fat acceptance movement?
Joe will clearly explain this better than I can (he has such a wonderful way with words!). But in a nutshell, for me, fat acceptance is bittersweet. When I was over 300lbs, I didn't know what I weighed (I thought maybe at the most 250) and it didn't really matter as I had no reason to know. I could still buy clothes in a store, people for the most part were nice to me (maybe the word would be civil), I could control my environment 99% of the time (by going or not going certain places that I knew I couldn't fit or be comfortable), it was almost EASY to be heavy (I can't call myself fat, even though I know I was/am. It's an ugly word to me.).
My disdain for the fat acceptance is strictly personal. I didn't know a woman could (only could, NOT will) develop cancer in her body because of the excess food and lack of physical activity in her life. I literally poisoned myself with food, the estrogen in my fat cells fed my cancer (that makes me want to hurl every time I think of it). There are no signs on billboards, there is no literature in a doctor's office, but there is plenty of advertising for eating, eating, eating. I accept full responsibility of what I have done to my body and my life, but for the rest of my life it will make me sad to think of all the people at risk for my same situation (or worse) and being completely unaware. And I do credit my diet (i.e. shutting off the feeding tube to my cancer cells) for allowing me to try to become pregnant and push off my hysterectomy for 6 months. If I had kept doing what I was doing at 328lbs +/-, I would be in a much sadder predicament.
And you are so right about losing 100lbs and having another 100 to lose. People in stores totally judge me when I'm shopping in the 14s and XL sizes and they are looking at the size 2s and XS. I know I'm still large, but I'm dancing in the racks. They don't know my story and I don't know theirs.
Someone I saw recently that doesn't know I'm sick but obviously can see I lost a bit of weight came up to me very concerned and said "What's up? Haven't seen you in a while." I replied "Well, I have some things going on and haven't been around." She looked me up and down and said "You have cancer, don't you?" And instead of being able to cleverly come up with a response like "How dare you ask that?", I burst into tears and demanded to know how she knew. Her reply? "No one loses weight this fast without being deathly ill." So, my fright of illness gave me away. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't the cancer that made me lose weight, it was my drive to live a long life with my husband and hopefully have a baby. But I didn't go there. I let her think she was so smart and good for her for being right. But really she wasn't. I haven't even started cancer treatment except for the medication that makes you GAIN weight, not lose it!
So, long story not very short, I want heavy people to be accepted while they are heavy. But I don't want them to think it's ok. We can get very sick and not always reverse the damage we have done. It's really just my selfishness that I want to scream from rooftops for people to get healthy from a weight perspective and cut the odds of so many awful predicaments. I never knew pizza and Chinese food had the power to kill me. But they do.
I know I probably didn't answer your question as articulately as I could have but I started typing and typing fast!! But please know, it's only from a good place in my heart that I want people to lose weight. I don't want them to be in the desperate place that I am with still so far to go, weightwise and healthwise.
To me, there is a big difference between being judged by others and judging yourself. Of course I don't believe that anybody should be judged, mocked, ridiculed or derided because of their weight. And I certainly don't think that anybody should hate themselves for being obese.
But I also don't think its a good thing for people who are obese to become complacent in their obesity. I think that is something that the "fat acceptance movement" is facilitating - to the extent that it is telling women that they should love their bodies -- no matter what their bodies look like. Its one thing to be "curvy." Curvy may still be healthy. But many times "curvy" or "voluptuous" are polite, PC synonyms for "obese."
The woman who wrote the article I linked to said "The number one question that I get asked as a body image expert and 250-pound woman who loves her body is: How did you do it?" My only guess is that she is in denial. What I'd like to know is how does she ignore the fact that her weight is dangerous? She seems only concerned with the mental aspect of being down on oneself for being obese. Moreover, how does she - in good conscious - counsel other women that they should embrace their bodies to the extent they are obese? This is perfectly fine advice for many people, for example, a woman who wears a size 8-10 who beats herself up because she wants to fit into a size 6. But the advice is not "one size fits all." It doesn't seem to be good advice for person who is morbidly obese.
In her article, she writes:
Three of my most deeply held beliefs are that:
-Every body is a good body
-Health is holistic, and mental health is a huge part of holistic health
-Self-hate is an ideology that can be eradicated through a practice of self-love
I can buy the second and third belief. But self-love does NOT mean you need to "love your body" even when you are obese. If you really love yourself that much, you owe it to yourself to do something about your weight. If you love your body, and "accept your fat", what motivation do you have to do anything about it?
You mentioned people who are doing something about their weight and are doing well, but are still 100 pounds overweight. Again, I don't care what other people think about me or my weight. Yeah, it sucks when people judge you based on your weight. I wish that didn't happen. But it seems to me that the "fat acceptance movement" is more about persuading fat people to accept their fatness, and not to get society to ease up on the ridiculing. I just don't see what good will come of this, except to allow people who are resigned to their obesity to feel better about their predicament.
What I'd like to know is how does she ignore the fact that her weight is dangerous?
My opinion:
Some of us speed despite knowing it's dangerous. Some of us don't wear seat belts despite knowing it's dangerous. We use the computer during storms. We cross the street when the light is red. We text and drive. We smoke and drink.
It's human nature. So many of us push the limit until we hit that "thing" that wakes us up and says, "Hey maybe we should really think about not doing this. It's really dangerous." I didn't start to lose weight until I had a health scare - something tangible.
I think that's why many people regain weight as well - the thing that made them start has faded into memory and lost its edge. We need a new thing or need to bring it back to the forefront of our minds.
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But it seems to me that the "fat acceptance movement" is more about persuading fat people to accept their fatness, and not to get society to ease up on the ridiculing
I agree. While I used to hope and wish that it was the latter, I can plainly see that the ridicule has not stopped.
Love your tree!
We are working our tails off!
