A place to talk about relationships: young, old, rocky, or wonderful...
So here's my story:
I've never been much of a "dater". I find In my entire dating career (9+ years) I've maybe been out with ... 7 guys? max 2-3 dates each. Never seen a guy more than 4 times (on purpose). BUT but but..... I met a fella and I've been seein' him since around the middle of last month. I like him better than anyone else I've seen previously so aces to that! The only catch is our different levels of faith commitment (and to be fair, it's a big one) but he's aware. That aside, I love hanging out with him.
I'd like to know about other peoples' relationships, mostly because I have so little frame of reference myself. My family of origin isn't the healthiest (whose is?) and I have a few good friends who are in healthy, functional relationships.
So a big thank you in advance to anyone else who just wants to chat! (anonymously... on the internet...in a safe and judgment free environment... )
I don't know that I can offer you any help as I feel somewhat hopeless about this myself. I'm dating someone now and it's going well. He lives about an hour drive from me and we see eachother once or twice a week but I definitely want more. I'm just not sure that I want more from him. I go back and forth with how I feel too much. Hoping to get some clarity the next time I see him.
This is tricky. And to be honest a roll of the dice. Even with a perfect partner now, you may encounter a lot of sh!t 10 years down the line that kills the relationship, even perhaps once you are married and kids are introduced. Totally unpredictable. So my best advice for now, is don't settle on second best to give yourself the best chance. And listen to any doubts you may have. Ten years on, trust me, those same doubts WILL BEMUCH LOUDER!
I will be 23 this summer, and have been with my boyfriend since I was 16. 6 and a half years. He is currently 24 as of earlier this year.
I was always the kid with "less" friends and wasn't super social. In high school, it seemed like everyone had met someone and I was under the assumption I'd never meet anybody. And quite honestly, given that it was high school I didn't think I was going to meet "the one" so young. He didn't go to my school and I met him through his brother.
We've both admitted for the first probably 2 years, it was more of an infatuation.. Doing things for each other, hanging out. Saying "I love you" without really knowing what it meant. It took some time for us to realize that this was it, this was real. We've had our ups and downs. We have broken up before, for a duration of 2 months. Which for me was terrible, I felt lost, lonely, not important. My self esteem went out the window. We had quite a few "choice" words to say to each other at that point, driven by hurt and anger. Wasn't a good time of my life but it was necessary. And for that I am so thankful it happened. We worked through it, got down to the nitty gritty of each others personalities and found our balance. We regained our communication skills and figured out what drove us to that place to begin with. I was 19 at that point, he was 20. Since then, everything has been perfect. We obviously still have our differences now and then, but since we're now both adults with full time jobs and responsibilities, we operate as a unit of one. We live together and have since I was 17 (aside from our short time apart). We know everything about each other, and I love all his flaws.
We've both grown up, grown mentally, physically, emotionally and everything in between. And luckily we've grown together. A lot of my friends and even family (young family) have asked how we've kept the spark and been "okay" with starting so young and not experiencing a different relationship. The key to that is growing with each other. There will always be differences and little quirks, but every relationship will.
A huge thing for me I think is that both of us WANT each other. We enjoy each others company, we care about each other, love each other and want to be together. Neither of of us feel we NEED the other. I'm with him simply because I want to be. I don't ever want to feel like I need someone to function.
I wouldn't change any of our bruises over the past 6.5 years and I wouldn't change anything about us now. We've talked about marriage and kids and a house, and it's coming. We're both patient and have worked hard towards what we've got. He's my best friend.
Last edited by Remington90; 05-08-2013 at 05:04 PM.
A place to talk about relationships: young, old, rocky, or wonderful...
So here's my story:
I've never been much of a "dater". I find In my entire dating career (9+ years) I've maybe been out with ... 7 guys? max 2-3 dates each. Never seen a guy more than 4 times (on purpose). BUT but but..... I met a fella and I've been seein' him since around the middle of last month. I like him better than anyone else I've seen previously so aces to that! The only catch is our different levels of faith commitment (and to be fair, it's a big one) but he's aware. That aside, I love hanging out with him.
I'd like to know about other peoples' relationships, mostly because I have so little frame of reference myself. My family of origin isn't the healthiest (whose is?) and I have a few good friends who are in healthy, functional relationships.
So a big thank you in advance to anyone else who just wants to chat! (anonymously... on the internet...in a safe and judgment free environment... )
Is the "different level of faith commitment" a problem for either of you? Is one of you going to expect the other to change?
And listen to any doubts you may have. Ten years on, trust me, those same doubts WILL BEMUCH LOUDER!
Yup, that right there. I was married very young at 19 and thought he would change (boy was I delusional). After 13 years the only thing that changed was me...I got tired of putting up with his ****!
Now, I'm in the most amazing relationship of my life! We hit it off from the moment we met and have laughed together ever since then. We've been together over 3 years now.
I've been with my husband for over 13 years, but we've had our ups and downs. Much like with what Remington90 was saying...we were infatuated with each other and we honestly did everything too quickly...we moved in together have two months, we got married a year later, and at about five years in I felt I was looking at a stranger. We had spent so much time trying to overlook our differences, that we weren't being honest. We seperated for about six months, which I cried and was miserable the entire time. We both tried dating other people, but I just wanted him. We eventually worked through it. And now we are almost honest with each other to a fault which leads to some very interesting dinner conversation - but we had to go through all of it to realize how much we really did love one another.
I don't know about differences in faith...I mean I'm a passive athiest (I don't believe in God, but I totally get why people do) and my husband is agnostic - but that doesn't really lead us to many faith based discussions aside from my husband once asking me if the new testament was a revised copy of the old testament.
I've been married 19 years, and like others here, we jumped in quickly and almost recklessly after only knowing each other for less than a year. Luckily it has worked out wonderfully, but there were times during the first few years (we were poor, new parents, and living across the country from all of our family and friends) that we were probably wondering what we had gotten ourselves into! Marriage is work, but it is also extremely fun.
Like punkrocksong (I love the term passive atheist!) faith has never been an issue. We took our children to church, but pretty much decided we are not really believers. I have friends though who have healthy marriages with much different faith levels.
My fiance has been my best friend since the sixth grade. We were good friends all through high school and got together Senior year and have been together for seven years now. We have had our turbulence, like anyone, but we are both pretty peaceful people so we don't have yelling matches or anything like that...more like, you are annoying me, I'm going to the store/on a bike ride type "fights". We are very different people in many ways, but I think we work together well because of it. I've never been able to communicate with anybody else like we do. We can talk about anything, including the things that are hard to talk about...like being straight-forward about things that hurt/bug us that one another do. He's incredibly considerate and isn't afraid to be romantic...which I frequently attribute to the fact that he was only raised by women. lol!
My parents had/have near daily name-calling/throwing/screaming fights, so when my mom told me the best prerequisite to marriage is long-term friendship I took it to heart...seven years and two kids and we're still not married. Haha! Livin' in sin baby. really though...just too poor for a wedding and I prefer my last name, thankyouverymuch.
Because we are both agnostics we have not struggled with faith agreement, although we do take the kids to a nondenominational church occasionally. That can be tough, I know some couples who seem to get on well despite different faiths, and I know others (my parents) who do not. I think it's pretty dependent on the individuals involved. Conflict/resolution style was a bigger concern for me.
I grew up wayyyy too fast LOL....even as a child I was teaching myself the homeschooling work that I was supposed to learn, because my mom was busy teaching my little sister.....I went off to college and became friends with a boy who struggled with some mental problems...we married anyhow and had a baby by the time I was barely 20...it didn't last and we split up but still remain on good terms to this day
after we divorced, my coworkers were encouraging me to join dating sites etc and I didn't want to....so instead I found a regional yahoo chatroom and made friends there...I met a man who lived in another city and we really hit it off...within less than a year, he moved up north to be with me and we've been together ever since...that was 10 years ago...shortly after that, I left behind my home and longtime job and moved down to southeast AK together with him to make it my new hometown...ive been here with him for just over 9 years now, maybe closer to 10...
we make a good team...where each others' strengths make a relationship work really well
and to the person who said they liked their own last name...I totally understand that...in fact I kept my maiden name as a middle name both times that I got married...because I have a lot of heritage and family history attached to that name
It's nice to read everyone's stories. Am not sure if I should say something since am not in a relationship at the moment though I do fancy someone and he has no idea that I fancy him. From his actions, it seems he likes me too.
There is something going on in my life at the moment and waiting for the storm to clear and then I will say something.
He has been a great support, friend and has given me a roofer over my head.
But because our case is complex, am waiting until am on my own two feet to voice out what I feel for him. He is everything I want in a man. He has moved a lot of mountains for me and he has fought for me to have a place to live.
I've only had two serious relationships including the one Im in now, The last one just didnt work out and this one that im currently in is working out much more better, We've been together for 2 years, We just celebrated our 2nd anniversary in June, We've known each other for 14 years, We first met in middle school and then we went on to high school, After high school we lost touch until 2011 when I found him on facebook and we started talking again and now 2 years later we are engaged to be married June 5th 2015 but that date could change, Thats just the date I would like our wedding to be on LOL.
Like everyone else, I've only been in a handful of serious relationships.
One of my exes, I dated for 4 years, lived with for three. It was a really rocky, awful, going-down-in-flames sort of end to it, but we're friends now.
My current relationship is just phenomenal. He annoys me, of course, but only because he's as headstrong as I am and I find that really attractive. He pushes me to be a better person, but loves me just the way I am. He's sweet without being mushy, he's thoughtful (as much as a man can be), he's sensitive (in a way), and - everyone else is totally right - he wants exactly what I want out of life.
We're atheists, so that awkward conversation never comes up. But honestly, it's those fundamental similarities on core beliefs that really make it work. When you differ greatly on something that means so much to you, it often forms a kind of resentment when the other person isn't supportive, or doesn't understand.
I have been with my guy for 4 years. I just got to know him as we dated and one day I discovered he is my best friend. We love each other and take care of each other. We set boundaries early, no name calling. He supports me completely.
***3FC Relationship Thread***
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lol!
