[Janjan26]

Hi all

I am a 26-year-old female, currently 170cm (5 ft 7 inches) tall and weighing around 59kg (130 pounds). Physically, I look on the slim side as I have rather long and slim limbs. I carry most of my weight on my stomach and upper arms.

I used to weigh consistently around 52kg (115 pounds), and then 5 years ago in the span of 6 months I put on 7kg (15 pounds) without any change in my lifestyle and have pretty much remained at that weight since. I have always wondered if I can return to my previous weight, or at least something closer to that, but have not done anything about it.

About a month ago, a colleague mentioned during a meal that I should eat more because I could do with more meat. I bizarrely took pleasure in what he said and since then have been a little obsessed with trying to look thinner.

I haven’t done much aside from 3 days of continuous dieting 2 weeks ago. An example of my meals during those 3 days would be 2 cookies for breakfast, a salad for lunch and a smoothie for dinner. I also took to running/taking long walks every evening for those 3 days. And then my resolve to lose weight disappeared, partly because I started feeling some physical side effects (a bit of light-headedness and quickened heartbeat). I lost about 2kg (4.5 pounds) during that period, of which I have put back on 1kg again (2.2 pounds)

Just yesterday, I started feeling that I would like to continue losing weight again. For these 2 days, I have spent my lunch taking 1-hour walks, and then having a small lunch. So, yesterday’s food intake comprised 1 rice cracker and some grapes and sliced mango for breakfast, 1 california handroll for lunch, 1 cookie as a snack and a normal-portioned dinner. Today’s food intake was a McDonald’s egg McMuffin, hash brown and low fat milk for breakfast (more than I wanted to eat), some grapes and mango for lunch, some sliced pumpkin as a snack and a normal-portioned dinner.

What I am doing is definitely NOT a case of extreme dieting, and I currently would only like to reduce my weight by around 4kg (9 pounds) wherebly I would still fall within the healthy weight category.

I don’t think I am in any way becoming anorexic or bulimic, but I am thinking of dieting (mildly) periodically.

I feel great when I diet – very in control, and I take pleasure in hearing my stomach growl and feeling the emptiness. During such periods I also obsess with feeling the bones that poke out of my elbows, and I suck in my breath in front of the mirror daily to see my ribs. I also take to googling alot about dieting and how people feel when they are losing weight.

Does anyone have the same desires/experience as me? Does anyone react the same to ‘praises’ received about looking slim? I am also wondering if there will be any health effects if I continue this periodic dieting (perhaps 3 continuous days of dieting every 2/4 weeks) as I really do not want to do something that will affect my health.

Any comments/advice, or just some sharing of experiences, would be very much appreciated!

[xiaobaicai]

It's abundantly clear that you crave validation. I know I certainly do. I know my ego is stoked, in a backward and immature way, when my overweight aunt tells me I'm too thin. You have the capacity to analyze your own behavior, and you already seem to know the answer to your question.

So no, this behavior is not really healthy, although it is not abnormal, either.

If you want to lose some vanity weight, then do it. Whether the desire was brought on by a co-worker's comment or not isn't the biggest issue, in my analysis of your post. After all, humans are social creatures. Other peoples' remarks mean a lot.

[sacha]

JanJan,

At your height and weight, are you sure more weight loss is the look you want? I'm 5'5 and 129lbs and I have weight trained for many years. I look so much better now than I did at 5'5 and 110lbs, because my body shape is completely different.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve, but maybe a different direction from the scale is where you need to go.

[Janjan26]

Thanks both for the comments. They both gave me some food (pun not intended) for thought.

Sacha - honestly i don't know what I want. I don't look terribly thin now as I am quite small boned (to illustrate - I have absolutely no rib or hip bones sticking out with my normal standing posture). Actually I hardly look different from my lighter self five years ago when I'm clothed.

At the risk of sounding Neurotic, Somehow a smaller number sounds better than a bigger one.

Also I think in a way I would like to 'test my limits' as well as see if I can go back down to my previous weight (which I achieved naturally without any dieting then).

I am also curious to know when people would start to notice a difference. The people around me all seem to be losing weight visibly while I am the only that has stayed quite constant.

I am aware my reasons all sound so abnormal but I guess, if anyone, some of you here would share my feelings and be able to advise without judging (which both of you have done so wonderfully)

[stella1609]

I feel like you should discuss your weight loss goals and meal plans with your doctor. If you are recognizing that your reasons sound abnormal, perhaps you aren't in a healthy place. You are trying to achieve a very low weight, through very minimal eating, and you seem to be doing it for emotional reasons and not reasons of health.

[sacha]

How old were you?

I'm 28 now, and similar stats to you - I think it took some time to realistically acknowledge that my former effortless weight was part youth as well. There comes a point where 'thin' becomes unsustainable without serious effort and doesn't suit once we get a bit "older" (we're not old LOL, but we're not 19 iykwim??).

Google "Chady Dunmore". She's about your height and 15lbs heavier. What do you think??