My new partner and I have been dating three months (and have been exclusive since the first date) and our relationship is going great. We're very happy together and we've had some important milestones in our relationship (e.g. we've both met each other's parents and friends, our relationship status is public on Facebook, I've met his children (& often spend time with them & my partner), we've had our first weekend away and first sleepover (although I am waiting a bit longer for sex) etc).
But I'm worried that I'm not making enough time for him. In the first fortnight, we went out almost every day (I'm serious...it was exhausting!), which was nice at first, but definitely not sustainable.
Now we see each other about 3 times a week on average. A typical week for us would be us having dinner and TV at his place twice during the week (about 3-4 hours each time) and then going out on a Friday or Saturday evening for dinner or to the movies or go out with friends (like as his "plus one" to a friend's birthday dinner).
Occasionally, it's a bit less (1-2 times) but it's always or a good reason (like when he's travelling or work, or I'm visiting my family who live 2 hours away, or when he's got responsibilities with his children). There are also weeks when it's a bit more (maybe up to about 5 times), or that we'll spend a long period of time together (for instance, about 36 hours together on our weekend away, 15 hours together on our sleepover, a few weekend days when we've hung out about 6-10 hours).
We're both career-focussed adults, who spend quite a bit of time at work (he also travels for work quite often). He's also got two children from a previous marriage (one who lives with him full-tim),so he's got family responsibilities too. We've also live seperately (it's too soon to move in!) & have our own circle of friends.
We text each other every single day (twice at a bare minimum) and he'll call me a few times a week (particularly on days when we aren't seeing each other).
Based on this information, do you think I make enough time for my partner to have a good, solid, healthy long-term relationship? And should I feel guilty about the fact that sometimes I just want to stay at home and have some quiet time to myself instead?
"Are you good with where things are and with the time we spend together?" Make sure he feels assured that it's not a TRAP - You can say that you are happy with it, but want BOTH of you to be happy - so doing a happiness check. If not, see if there are tweaks you can make.
My husband and I love each other - a lot, but... we don't spend all our waking moments together. We don't need to. Some people need more than others. Some need less. There is no "one formula". You just have to feel your way with this particular relationship.
Hmm. Interesting. My take is that if it works, it works. I would definitely not feel guilty about the fact that sometimes you just want to stay at home and have some quiet time to yourself as that is part of any relationship (even marriage).
But you do want the time spent together to increase, even if slowly. I do not know many relationships that survive longer term with less time spent together. You at least need more time before less time if that makes sense e.g. I know of married couples that live and work apart. So try to do more and not less, at least early on.
This is so individual and personal to each couple.
My husband and I have been INSEPARABLE since we started dating in 1989! I mean, we have always been attached at the hip. We do EVERYTHING together. It works for us and we love it.
My brother and his wife are extremely happy together. BUT they do many many different things apart from one another. It would never work for DH and I, but it works for them.
How much time do YOU want to spend together? And you need to find out what he likes in a relationship...
This is so individual and personal to each couple.
My husband and I have been INSEPARABLE since we started dating in 1989! I mean, we have always been attached at the hip. We do EVERYTHING together. It works for us and we love it.
My brother and his wife are extremely happy together. BUT they do many many different things apart from one another. It would never work for DH and I, but it works for them.
How much time do YOU want to spend together? And you need to find out what he likes in a relationship...
I want to second this.
And I want to say to CHerryPie, that my husband and I are the same way! We started dating in 2000 and got married in 2006 after we graduated college. After 13 years, and two almosts three kids, to this day we spend all our time together like newly dating teenagers! I love to hear that someone else has the same relationship with their husband.
And I want to say to CHerryPie, that my husband and I are the same way! We started dating in 2000 and got married in 2006 after we graduated college. After 13 years, and two almosts three kids, to this day we spend all our time together like newly dating teenagers! I love to hear that someone else has the same relationship with their husband.
We're the same way! I can't wait to embarass our boys. We still play "toss the goldfish cracker down her bra from 10 feet away" game at the dinner table Fortunately the oldest isn't even 3 yet so we can still get away with it.
We're the same way! I can't wait to embarass our boys. We still play "toss the goldfish cracker down her bra from 10 feet away" game at the dinner table Fortunately the oldest isn't even 3 yet so we can still get away with it.
lol!! Its so great to still feel so in love after so long. When he and I first started dating, I had friends of mine that told me it would ware off...well poo to them, because we still do everything together!
lol!! Its so great to still feel so in love after so long. When he and I first started dating, I had friends of mine that told me it would ware off...well poo to them, because we still do everything together!
Pffft! They have no faith. My neighbours have been married since the 50's and still go for a walk every morning holding hands. People have no faith anymore!!!
My husband and I have been married for 20 years with 2 kids. 17/20 years he has traveled Mo-Fri. It works for us. I have raised the kids during the week; school, doctor's appts, sports practices, music lessons...you name it.
I have volunteered zillions of hours, worked a few years, volunteered more...
BUT when daddy comes come, we are all INSEPARABLE! He is treated like a King! We all pile up on a couch to watch movies, we all go and volunteer for my passions together, we all go and see all music performances or sports events, and the funny part; our kids tell us "go get a room"
I am a super independent woman. I would HATE to have a husband who does 9-5, comes home each night. My husband loves his freedom to travel, workout and be successful. We are all blissfully happy!
My point; do what works for the two of you. I may not be traditional, but this is what works for us. This is what makes my marriage wonderful and strong. If seeing your BF for 3 days per week works for both of you; go for it. -- BUT talk to him. Make sure that he is okay...he may be relieved; sounds like he has his hands full...maybe HE FEELS that he is not devoting enough time for you?
Pffft! They have no faith. My neighbours have been married since the 50's and still go for a walk every morning holding hands. People have no faith anymore!!!
You are so right! Seriously, my dad (my dad!!) spent most of my 20s (I met hubby at 19) talking like we were going to get divorced eventually, and that in our 30s is when it will happen because HE and my mom divorced in their 30s...talk about thinking everyone is just like him!!! Hubby and I had considered moving out of state at one time, and my dad's concern was when we get divorced, I wouldn't be able to move out of that state and back "home" with the kids....
Yeah DH and I have come across our fare share of folks who don't have the kind of marriage we do, and they are so quick to tell us that some day things will change.
Its like people who don't have what we do are rooting for us to fail!!
Sounds fine to me.. In fact, it sounds pretty normal for that stage of the relationship. I have had friends who have tried to literally spend every moment with their boyfriend - sleeping over every single night, meeting eachother every single day after work... and they have ALWAYS been dumped because they are seen as "too clingy". People need breathing space. If you personally feel like thats a good mixture of alone time, friend time, and boyfriend time, then keep at it! I would honestly shoot myself if I didn't have alone time away from the hubby. I like that I have one day off where he is at work still. We spend the weekends/evenings together, so that one day off where its just me is fantastic!
I can only echo what everyone else has said that 1) you should talk to him about it 2) it seems to be working for you both and 3) it depends on how you and your partner feel about the relationship.
From your story, it seems that the way things are is fine. If you want to spend more time or less time with him, then you need to talk with him This will be one of the hurdles in your relationship: learning to trust that your partner will discuss your relationship openly
How Much Time To Spend With Partner?
Fortunately the oldest isn't even 3 yet so we can still get away with it.
