[PlayingForKeeps]

Good morning everyone!

I have been away from 3FC lately, mostly because I was doing a 90 day round of P90x and I was pretty active on their forum on BeachBody.com. However, I am back to 3FC because, frankly, this feels like "home" to me - especially when I am looking to have a bit more of a "heart to heart."

I am halfway through my last month of P90x but I am fizzling out. Over the last week, my workouts have dwindled quite a bit, though I am still eating healthy and getting at least 20 minutes of exercise in there.

As I reach the end of the workout series, I am having some real internal struggles with myself - to the point that it has me really "down."

P90x got me some fantastic results. But I think, more than any other exercise I have done, it has made me more "body-obsessive." When I started to build muscle, I began to spend more time in front of the mirror, inspecting every inch, to see if I could see new changes. I was so used to always relying on the scale to show progress, but I never lost an ounce on the program. In fact, I am not even sure I really lost inches - my tape measure doesn't show a change. But my muscles are more defined, I have less "wiggle," and I my strength/endurance has increased tremendously.

But I still don't feel like it's "enough." And it makes me wonder if I will ever be happy with my body. Actually, I feel like I was HAPPIER when I was working out less and just focusing on eating healthy food in moderation.

One thing about p90x - it makes me RAVENOUS. I am so hungry ALL THE TIME. Eating has just become a necessity... I am eating so much to feed the muscle that I am building, that I am actually tired of eating. It has become a chore. This was really sad for me, because food is my biggest passion. I love to cook and I love to eat. The fact that I got tired of both took a way a real sense of joy in my life.

I just want to be happy with my body, and I don't really know how to get there. I thought that becoming very fit was the answer... but it doesn't appear to be. Honestly, I don't NEED to lose weight... at 120 I am smack dab in the middle of the BMI chart for my height. I also eat very healthy, focusing on veggies, fruits, nuts, whole grains, lean proteins and a little dessert here and there for sanity's sake.

I guess I just don't know where to go from here. I started this weight loss journey a few years ago, and I have accomplished a lot - more than I think I could have imagined when I started. But I always thought there would be a point where I would finally feel totally comfortable with my body... and I am still not there. And now I am questioning if it's even possible.

[seagirl]

Think about what else interests you besides food, fitness and weight loss. Drawing? Art? Taking a writing class? Reading more books (not about fitness)? Learning a language? Shift the focus off your body and into your brain. See what comes up.

[mandypandy2246]

It sounds like you have some good insight into yourself? I agree with the above poster - maaybe make sure you have other interests.

Also sounds like maybe its time to take a break for P90X. Have you considered seeing a therapist - particularly one who specializes in women's issues and/or body image issues? I started seeing one and its helped me immensely.

[shcirerf]

I gotta give you high 5's for doing P90, that would kick my butt! And I strength train, with the New Rules programs!

However, somewhere along the line we have to find balance.

I do love my lifting program, and as a Lifetime and maintaining member of WW, I do not follow either program exactly. I have learned how to use the tools both programs have given me and make it work for my lifestyle.

Beyond that, I don't know much about you and your life, but, I'm a 53 year old woman that has had kids and have ole saggy girls and stretch marks, and tummy flab that wont' go away without surgery.

You know what?! I'm ok with that.

Rather than look at my "supposed/perceived" faults, I am amazed at what I have accomplished, and I think I am one hot old Gramma!

[Fluffypuppy]

I think you said it all in the title. You feel frustrated. The answer is acceptance and priorities! Don't lose the joy of cooking and eating! You don't have to do that to have a great body. Maybe go looking for a forum for healthy self-image instead of another fitness site. I'm sure you are not the first to find losing the weight did not fix the problem. Try the Featherweights here at 3Fc maybe? You have a lot to be proud of, including but not limited to how you look. If weight loss teaches us anything, it is that we can set and reach goals if we work hard. Maybe you could make a new goal: self-care.