Everyone I know keeps telling me how proud of me they are, they can see me finally exercising and being extremely mindful of how I eat. My father, my mother, my boyfriend, siblings, friends they all are super supportive and it's totally FREAKING me out! It's like oh my gosh what if I screw up their all going to know and be disappointed. In a way it helps alot because I can't screw up "talk about accountability" but at the same time I'm human I am going to screw up sometimes. I've accepted that and know that when I do I will just get right back on the wagon. I feel bad and crazy that I have such a strong support system and it freaks me out. Anyone else feel like this? I started this journey to do something for myself, something that was important to me "I don't want to change that idea but now I have to include other people and my feelings about that make me feel like I'm nuts.
I totally get what you are saying. The last few times I lost weight I was glad that everyone knew as I felt it would keep me on track and accountable. Of course, I gained all the weight back and then some. This time around I told no one but my husband. I couldn't take the pressure of everyone keeping tabs on me (that's what they make it feel like). So now, it only matters to me if I lose 1lb or 4lbs or whatever. I just happily show off my progress in front of them acting like I don't know what they are talking about when they ask if I lost weight. Um no. I'm down 100lbs+ but lost nothing. UGH!
My advice to you (take it with a grain of salt!) is to keep doing your own thing and keep them out as much as possible. If they ask and you want to tell them your progress, etc., that's ok. But I wouldn't "report" to them (I didn't know what other word to use).
You have us to help keep you on track and accountable if you need or want that!!
I just tell people to hold me accountable to eating and being healthier and don't mention weight loss. So weight loss is sort of just an added benefit. That way if I stop losing or regain thats not the issue so much as eating lots of fruits and veggies.
This is exactly how I feel, and why I have only told my closest friend. You've got great support, and I think that if you're open with them and explain that you're not dieting, you're getting healthier and starting a new lifestyle, they may be less likely to give you the side eye, when you occasionally eat pizza or "slip up".
And if any of them do give you any flak about slipping up, you come right back here and we'll give you all the support you need to get back at it. Don't worry about disappointing them, you are doing this for you, enjoy it!
You don't have to include any of those other people now just because they are taking notice. This journey is still solely about you. For me- this journey is really about our future children and being the best mom I can possibly be in the future. So I even told Andrew before I lost even weight- this isn't about you, or even me. I've told other people that, as well. I think it's helped a little bit, because now it doesn't seem like they have such a vested interest.
Everyone knows losing weight is hard. And no one will be disappointed or think you failed if you have a slip up. But I definitely think it's easy to feel that people might. You're definitely not alone in that boat.
And if for whatever reason your weight loss stalls and they insist on talking about it- you can talk about all the improvements in your life that are still making you healthy.
I think that feeling you have is why I haven't really told many of my real world people about my journey. I haven't told my parents or sister (I think they have an idea, since my dad helped me pick up my elliptical) They will be super supportive and very excited, but I just can't deal with the pressure from them. My boyfriend obviously knows what is happening since he has been eating all the same healthy food as me (and has lost 15 lbs without trying! Jerk ) But I don't really talk about it with him. Not that he will pressure me, I just don't think he has any idea what I am going through (LOVE YOU LADIES/GENTS OF 3FC!!!) I also have not said anything on FB, I am sure people will be supportive and happy for me, but I don't need that kind attention right now. I talk to my friend about it constantly though, half to encourage her to get her butt in gear and half because she just totally gets it
I only initiate this topic with a few select people. If someone else broaches the subject, I will happily respond (The have you lost weights, and what have you been doings etc) but I try to keep the conversations fairly short and vague! I do tire of other peoples "advice" pretty quickly though.
You are not alone, no one wants to disappoint themselves, but somehow it's worse when you feel like you disappoint the people you love!
the thing with weight is that we can't hide our bodies. We wear our troubles. People will see the ups and downs (and for almost all of us - there will continue to be ups and downs for the rest of our life).
I mean, for crying out loud, if celebrities can't keep on top of it - Oprah, Kirstie Alley where you KNOW they will be ripped apart for regaining, then how are we any different?
For me, I have found my biggest power is to admit to myself and everyone that I am human. I don't try to hide my battles or my difficulties. I will say, "Man, the holidays hit me hard. I wasn't able to stay away from carbs and now I'm up 20 pounds" in some casual conversation as we stand around the food table after a meeting and I'm trying to find something low carb. They don't have to pretend not to see it and I don't have to pretend that they don't notice. It helps me and it helps them deal with what we see.
But it is hard to feel you are being held to a different standard. At the same time, knowing that people are watching and aware can make it easier to stay on target, but only if my head is in a good place. Otherwise, I might choose to eat well in front of them, only to hide the other food I'm eating. Fooling whom? No one... as weight gain is obvious.
I'm just human and I try to show that humanness by simply explaining, "I'm trying the best I can, but I have a lifetime of unlearning to do when it comes to food."
I know what you mean. I've hardly told anyone, just my bf and a few close friends. I guess people will know on fb as they're going to see all my "likes" on healthy food, IE and exercise pages... But nobody has said anything. I've told my bf he doesn't need to change anything or hide any food, that I'll eat when I'm hungry, and if I say "I'm not hungry" then just to leave it
It's all about performance anxiety. Compliments make me nervous... I like them, sure, but then I feel like I have something to live up to. Your name says it all. Be thin for you! You know the best way to handle this
Just keep reminding yourself this is about YOU, and ONLY you. I come here for accountability, help, consolation, advice, everything. I am largely trying to ignore the real world and act like it's not happening as in "have you lost weight? Have you been working out?" and I just say "what? No, not at all, it must be from running about at work, I hadn't noticed" and SWIFTLY CHANGE THE SUBJECT lol
After umpteen million times losing 20 pounds and gaining it back, then losing ten and gaining it back, etc., I just don't bother talking much about it anymore. I can't stand the surveillance and criticism (whether real or perceived).
I eat what I eat. I don't talk about it much, even to my family.
I completely get what you're saying. Last year I really concentrated on dropping 20 lbs within a few months.
My close family (mother, sister, husband) all knew what I was doing and I didn't really mind their comments. But suddenly my extended family started making comments and although I really tried to keep in mind that they were being supportive I still wasn't comfortable with their noticing, it almost made me feel like I was in the spotlight and suppose to be performing for their evaluation.
I actually ended up letting up on the weight loss and decided to maintain the drop until I felt like picking it up again. A big part of the reason for switching gears was because I felt like I was trying to lose weight to prove something to these people that had suddenly become involved with something that was really just about me.
Just remember that it's YOUR journey, you will end up with an audience, because as berryblondeboys says you can't hide your body. But try and focus on whats working for you and try not to get too caught up in if you think your spectators will approve of what you're doing/the results.
You're lucky you have such a supportive family! Mine tends to be a bit catty, in fact word got back to me that when my extended family found out I was pregnant with my second child the first thing my cousin had to say was 'you mean she lost all that weight and then went and got pregnant and is now going to put it all back on?'. Oh family.......
Last edited by CanadianMomma; 03-08-2013 at 11:45 AM.
I have mentioned it but only very briefly and not in detail. At work I have just said that I'm "sugar free at the moment" when people offer treats. And I've told my family that I'm not eating grains and starches, so that if they invite me for a meal, they make something I can eat or they understand why I politely decline (like when someone invited me for homemade pasta)
But aside from my mom who always notices and asks when I've lost weight, I haven't discussed that aspect with anyone. Eventually, I suppose it will be noticeable enough that other people bring it up, but even then, I generally tend to downplay it.
Eventually, I suppose it will be noticeable enough that other people bring it up, but even then, I generally tend to downplay it.
People don't seem to want to talk about my weight loss when I tell them that I'm not eating any processed or packaged food and that I'm exercising 4-5 times a day. They tune out even more when I start talking about grass fed beef and how the liver processes fructose. Ha. :: shrugs :: Their loss.
Everyone is SO proud of me but....
) But I don't really talk about it with him. Not that he will pressure me, I just don't think he has any idea what I am going through (LOVE YOU LADIES/GENTS OF 3FC!!!) I also have not said anything on FB, I am sure people will be supportive and happy for me, but I don't need that kind attention right now. I talk to my friend about it constantly though, half to encourage her to get her butt in gear and half because she just totally gets it 
