I have been feeling very hopeless the last week, which translated into a not so great week. Some days where good, some average and other days were a complete loss.
Last weekend I was visiting my mum, I don't tend to talk to her about anything weight loss related because of the unpleasant and frankly very insulting comments she tends to make. It just so happened that she was flipping through channels and landed on a preview for the show "Say yes to the dress". If you don't know the show, it is basically about women finding there perfect wedding gown. My fiancee and I got engaged May 2012 (YAY), so I have been thinking about what style dress I want to wear. We saw a very pretty dress flash up on the screen and I said in passing "I want something like that." My mum looked at me very seriously and said "You want all your fat to hang out?". I was mortified and said that no of course not but I also didn't plan on being fat for my wedding. Without missing a beat she said "Its inevitable, you will be fat for your wedding. The sooner you accept that the better." Upset, I said thanks for the vote of confidence. In retrospect I suppose I should have changed the subject. She said "It goes like this, your planning your wedding and checking out cakes, catering etc. You have on piece of cake, then another and another. Your already overweight and you WILL get bigger. You already regained its once and it will happen again." For those of you that don't know, early last year I was down to 130 and fell off the wagon and gained most of it back.
I realized I had made a mistake and am working on it again now, I know I am far from the only person in the world this has happened to. I just can't believe that my own mother has so little confidence in me. The real kicker is that we have not even made a date for the wedding yet and we are in no real rush to get married. Meaning thankfully I am under no time restrictions and can lose weight the proper way.
I know you should not let what others day get you down but its hard to think that my own parent has so little faith in me. I spent the last week wallowing in self pity but I am proud to say that I am done doing that. I am going to use her comments are ammo in my motivation army and show myself that even if she does not have faith in me, I have not and cannot give up on myself.
Your ticker says 168, that is not even that big, jeesh. She sounds like a Pleasant person. I say use her words as motivation for sure. How can she not believe you can do it, ezpecially if you have before. I can't wait to see your wedding picture posted wearing the dress of your dreams. Sometimes it helps when someone doesn't hav faith in you, you just want to work harder to prove them wrong. Moms can be a little hard I suppose, lord knows mine was. Because of her I try and think twice before I say anything that might affect my kids. Congrats on your loss so far, u will accomplish your goals as long as you keep on going!
The comment I heard, "You won't meet anyone when you are so heavy." And I believed it!
I was 21 years old, and 185-190 pounds (and unfit). I met my husband to be when I was 23- a very attractive, fit, PhD student who loved me just as I was... but it took me quite a while to believe it.
What's worse is that since I felt sooooooo fat at 175 when I was graduating HS, I felt as fat at 175 as I did at 275. Fat is fat, right? Ugh.... I wish I could erase so many of those voices!!!!
The best thing you can do is to just TAKE OFF THE WEIGHT!!!
But I will also say, don't delay the wedding just to fit in a dress either. I actually would think it really hard to get thin for a wedding just to balloon back up - you don't just want to look good on that day! Right? You want to be fit and healthy for your new start in life, so just work on your health - for forever... and stop listening to the voices that are harmful - and if it means stopping seeing those people for awhile, then do it.
Last edited by berryblondeboys; 02-18-2013 at 07:10 PM.
Good Lord! My wedding dress was a size 16 and I was about 180-190 pounds. Did I feel fat? No I felt beautiful being in.the arms of my beautiful husband. When I was taking pictures my aunt told me to hold my.bouquet away from my belly to focus attention away from my fat. Was I insulted? No. I knew I.was fat. I told her the way I was doing it was just fine but thanks for the advice. My husband knew I was fat and I am still fat. Does he care? No. It was a fatty wedding. My sister had just had a baby. She was fat. I was fat. We served fried chicken. It was fat and delicious.
First off, congrats on your engagement!! I got engaged last May as well and even though I'm not getting married until 2015, planning is very exciting!!
I'm kinda in the exact opposite boat as a lot of people here, my mom has never said that I was fat or big. Even when I was 220 pounds and knowing I needed to do something she would make sure she told me I wasn't big or fat, I was beautiful. While she was trying to be helpful and boost my confidence it wasn't helpful as she didn't understand why I was dieting or exercising.
Anyway like some other people have said you can do it, you've done it before and now you have even more motivation. Not only to look amazing in whatever dress you choose, but to also prove your mom wrong. You've got a ton of time left, I assume, since you haven't picked a date yet and only 38 pounds to go. Even if your mom doesn't believe in you, I do!! I hope your fiance supports you so you've got someone close by you can talk to about this.
Just so you know, it's entirely possible to lose weight while planning your wedding. I lost over 30lbs when I was engaged, and believe me, I tried every piece of cake and caterer there was.
Just keep focused, have a plan, and enjoy your engagement!
I am so sorry you had this experience - sometimes, I think parents are harsh because they want to help but don't know any other way. I've written before here about how my dad is pretty vicious to my mom about her weight, but as lame as it sounds it is just because he is really concerned for her health and thinks that being rude will motivate her in some way - it's all he knows to with her (and sometimes with me).
That being said, I don't know if I would use that for motivation - those kind of words that you need to let go of, not fuel your internal fire. They are poison, and, to BerryBlondeBoys point, are the kind of thing that make us feel embarrassed and inadequate about our size, even when we're not that big.
If possible, try to let it roll off you, like water off a duck's back - and keep doing what you are doing.
Another quick note: I would be cautious of separating yourself so severely from the person you were when you fell off the wagon before. Of course, I don't know you or your particular circumstances, but I have found that cutting myself off from who I was in the past is dangerous, mostly because it is untrue. Who we are today is a direct result of who we were yesterday, the good and bad aspects. Don't cut yourself off from that person, because you are also subconsciously cutting yourself off from the responsibility of the mistakes that persona made - which means you may not internalize the learning and be more vulnerable to falling again.
Big hug - good luck, I think it's inspiring you are honest about your mistakes and working to change them!
Wow your Mum has some issues! Why is she so cruel?! I just cannot fathom how someone can be so mean and not supportive in any way!
But that's why you have us
You can TOTALLY lose weight for your wedding! Based on your height (same as moi!) and weight I would say that you're probably a little pudgy but definitely not fat!! Besides, you can lose weight whenever you want, you've just got to focus and do it.
Make sure you make a lifestyle change, not take up a diet that you can't keep up for the rest of your life. Losing weight is changing your entire life and daily routine for GOOD, so if you lost weight before and gained it all back is says to me that maybe you still have some issues with food/exercise to work through to successfully maintain. You got there before, you can definitely do it again!
Krampus - We have not set a date for the wedding yet, my fiance and I are 22 and just starting to get our feet under us money wise. We decided we were not ready to go into debt in order to get married sooner, instead we are saving up for it. As my my mum, she has always been rather negative about most things. She is a unhappy person currently due to her home life.
Riestrella - Believe it or not it was not food/exercise that threw me off the wagon last time but rather my severe depression. I had maintained for months successfully when my doctor has recommended going off my medication, he didn't want me to be on in for life if I didn't have to. After stopping I pretty much plummeted into depression, sleeping all day, eating only junk foods, not moving, not leaving my house etc. A month after starting my medication again, I was motivated and ready to re-do it again.
I am happy to say that after getting it off my chest I have been on plan 100% and working towards my goals.
Thank you everyone!
Eveyone's motivation to get healthy & in shape is different and as such I think everyone's attempts at motivating other's is different too. I don't know your mother personally, so she could've been gently warning you to be cautious knowing you want to lose weight before your wedding, or she could just be mean like some people. That's for your to really decide and address how you feel about it.
My brother always thought insulting me would work...it didn't. My father thought telling me boys only like skinny girls would work. It didn't, that just made me hate myself and assume I wasn't worth loving.
My mother was supportive in general by paying for nutrition classes or whatever, but I do remember shopping for my graduation dress when I was 16. I'd loved a particular dress but they only sold it up to a 10, so I tried to lose the weight by going to bootcamp with my dad. I finally managed to squeeze into it in the store, but It couldn't zip up all the way thanks to my 36 DD chest (that remains at any weight!). That day my mother snapped at me and said if I'd have tried harder it would've fit. I was crushed.
I don't think she meant to hurt me as much as it did that day (I'm writing 12 years later about it!) but I think she was more frustrated that she knew I would be disappointed. I never did find a dress that looked good and wound up having to have one custom made. In my graduation class photo I am the 2nd heaviest girl of the 150. I can't bear to look at the pictures now.
Maybe your mother is like mine, and just doesn't want to see your pain and disappointment if you don't get into the dress you want.
I know for a fact that you can do anything you set your mind to. Negativity and all. I purchased my wedding dress in February at a size 12 and had to get it sized down to a 6 in June. Dont give up!!
According To My Mum, I Will Be Fat For My Wedding
), so I have been thinking about what style dress I want to wear. We saw a very pretty dress flash up on the screen and I said in passing "I want something like that." My mum looked at me very seriously and said "You want all your fat to hang out?". I was mortified and said that no of course not but I also didn't plan on being fat for my wedding. Without missing a beat she said "Its inevitable, you will be fat for your wedding. The sooner you accept that the better." Upset, I said thanks for the vote of confidence. In retrospect I suppose I should have changed the subject. She said "It goes like this, your planning your wedding and checking out cakes, catering etc. You have on piece of cake, then another and another. Your already overweight and you WILL get bigger. You already regained its once and it will happen again." For those of you that don't know, early last year I was down to 130 and fell off the wagon and gained most of it back.
