Today I have officially lost ten pounds, and for me, a really major part of the process this time around has been feeling better about myself and my relationship with food.
I used to honestly think that my weight was some kind of reflection on my value as a person and a woman. I didn't actively think this, but it was inside. When I would start doing fast food runs (almost every winter) and get to a size 12 or 14, I would feel disgusted by myself and wouldn't buy myself newer, bigger clothes. I would force myself to wear uncomfortable clothes to try to motivate myself, and also because I didn't think I deserved a "reward" for gaining weight. When I gained weight, I was failing.
Now I know that I deserve to feel beautiful, comfortable and confident whatever my weight is. My weight has nothing to do with my value.
I also used to feel self conscious and nervous socializing in public when I was at a higher weight and flabby. When I would go out with friends, I wouldn't bother to wear make-up and would try to blend in in the background, because I felt that my weight made me unattractive. One sad thing about this is that it is untrue. Many men are attracted to curvier women. Looking at photos of me when I am a size 14, I now like and appreciate my bust and my softness.
My current goal is to be a size 8, and I know that I will lose a lot of my bust and some of my feminine curves. (I guess I will be trading them for loss of love handles and loss of double chin-- hahaha) That makes me sad, but I am not trying to lose weight this time around for physical appearance persay. My weight affects my energy levels, and I love the confidence that I have gained in myself as I take control of my eating. I own it when I want to splurge on cake or hot cocoa, instead of feeling guilty before, during and after I eat it. Since starting my new life, I have fit chocolate into almost every day! and I actually taste it and feel good about eating it!
I also have finally realized that there is no magic number on the scale where all of a sudden all my problems are going to go away and I am going to lead a perfect, glamourous life. Before I kind of thought that being thinner would make me a better person in all ways. Now I know that the number on the scale is only part of the big picture of healthy habits. I can be healthy at 165 or 155, size 12, 10 or 8, and I can be proud of myself for doing my best and making good exercise and eating choices most of the time.
That is an interesting website! I had a look at my start and goal weights for a bit of motivation.
It's very true that being thinner doesn't make you a better person and won't necessarily make you happier. I'm still trying to come to terms with this myself.
Weight is not a reflection of who we are. Just like sexual orientation or any lifestyle choice, race or whatever, is not a reflection of who we are.
My best female friend is a bit overweight, but I love her to pieces because she likes to garden and do stuff I like to do. My best male friend is a gay guy. Great cook and fabulous decorator, and dog lover.
On the flip side, through work I know a very skinny lady, with fake boobs, fake lips, tummy tuck after 3 kids, etc. Probably never eats, and she's not a nice person. She is as fake as her body. She is on her second, well to do husband, and when she gets tired of him, just like she did the first, she'll be gone onto the next rich one. All the time soaking her 2 ex's for money and never working and flaunting herself to get what she wants.
We are not what our bodies look like, we are what we project. When you project confidence and self assurance, and being a good person, people will like you no matter what.
I LOVE that web site!! I guess sometimes we don't look as fat as we think we do. I look at pictures of myself when I thought I was so fat, years ago, and think I didn't look so fat.
In my case, thinner does make me feel like a better person, makes me value myself more, and makes me happier. I wish I could find value and confidence at any weight, but my reality isn't like that. I just don't feel good about myself when I'm fat. When I'm thin, I feel so much better about myself, and it's reflected in my attitude.
The same is not true when I look at other people. Their size or appearance makes no difference to me. It's all about who they are. It's interesting how I can find beauty and value in anyone at any size, but not myself.
Weight is not a reflection of who we are. Just like sexual orientation or any lifestyle choice, race or whatever, is not a reflection of who we are.
My best female friend is a bit overweight, but I love her to pieces because she likes to garden and do stuff I like to do. My best male friend is a gay guy. Great cook and fabulous decorator, and dog lover.
On the flip side, through work I know a very skinny lady, with fake boobs, fake lips, tummy tuck after 3 kids, etc. Probably never eats, and she's not a nice person. She is as fake as her body. She is on her second, well to do husband, and when she gets tired of him, just like she did the first, she'll be gone onto the next rich one. All the time soaking her 2 ex's for money and never working and flaunting herself to get what she wants.
We are not what our bodies look like, we are what we project. When you project confidence and self assurance, and being a good person, people will like you no matter what.
You are absolutely right. Unfortunately, however, there are many people who tend to "judge a book by its cover" - so to speak. It starts when we are kids (if we are overweight as children) with other kids calling us fat and being cruel.
Now, as grown-ups, when it comes to our personal lives, we can obviously avoid those people because - after all - who would want to be friends with somebody like that?
But the problem lies in the fact that this discrimination is often practiced by people in our lives with whom we interact on a non-social level. For example, an employer or prospective employer. It has been shown in studies (not sure how scientific the studies were) that employers tend to discriminate against people who are fat in favor of people who are thin. So, when someones does not get a job or promotion because they are fat, and the person who does get the job or promotion deserved it less, but wasn't fat, the person who didn't get the job because of his weight would understandably feel bad about himself-- even though HE knows that his weight is not what defines him. So, its one thing to say that weight doesn't define us. but when society tells you something different, its hard for that not to affect you.
In my case, thinner does make me feel like a better person, makes me value myself more, and makes me happier. I wish I could find value and confidence at any weight, but my reality isn't like that. I just don't feel good about myself when I'm fat. When I'm thin, I feel so much better about myself, and it's reflected in my attitude.
The same is not true when I look at other people. Their size or appearance makes no difference to me. It's all about who they are. It's interesting how I can find beauty and value in anyone at any size, but not myself.
I have been thinking about this all week.
For me, being thin is a relief. I don't feel like a better person, persay, but I do feel more confident and I have one less thing to worry about. I think it is for a variety of reasons. I feel more confident being in control of food and making good choices for my body.
I do feel like other people see me differently when I am in shape. I don't know if this is true or not, since I am going from being a size 14 to a size 8, so it is not a huge loss of weight. I know my body is more fashionable at a lower weight, and my clothes fit better. Those things count for a lot for me in terms of my confidence and, I guess, for how strangers view me, like it or not.
I am kind of in awe of women and men who are in super awesome shape, with fabulous bodies, but I am intimidated by them too. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable around them, because I feel like they might look at my body with judgement, but I don't know if they do. Sometimes I judge other people's bodies, especially women, but I think this is fading over time as I grow up.
I think a lot of my feelings come from the hundreds of magazines I used to read as a teenager, in addition to other media, because truthfully I think a little fat is cute. I don't think I am cute when I am fat, but I am attracted to men with bellies and I think a little roly-poly on women makes them more huggable.
So who knows. I guess I feel good about myself right now, and I don't want to analyze it too much anymore! Thanks for giving me some more things to think about everybody!
Weight as a reflection of value as a person
) That makes me sad, but I am not trying to lose weight this time around for physical appearance persay. My weight affects my energy levels, and I love the confidence that I have gained in myself as I take control of my eating. I own it when I want to splurge on cake or hot cocoa, instead of feeling guilty before, during and after I eat it. Since starting my new life, I have fit chocolate into almost every day! and I actually taste it and feel good about eating it!
