i'm new here and my name is Lily and i am 15 years old at 4'11,
you see, my birthday came this year in the past april, and in the year of 2011 it never really occured to me that i have put on 30lbs, and it is still piling on at this point
it started to dawn on me in january when i went to the doctors office being that i haven't been checked since i was maybe eight years old and long story short, i was perfectly healthy minus my physical activity and my BMI range for my height
and i was expecting that i had always been a fat kid it never bothered me i just figured me getting older meant me getting bigger and the truth is i never really cared
but the visit left me so confused for months and months i didn't understand why i was perfectly fine but on the inside i had felt
as if i was dying
i felt horrible, i couldn't sleep without waking every hour of the night in my own puddle of sweat, i couldn't sit comfortably no matter what i did, i had this constant sensation of someone sitting on my chest (whenever i spoke of it my mom always joked it was because i was a D-cup) and it was literally a burden to get to the next breath, there was nothing like it i was miserable.
and right when my birthday came along in april i knew that when i turned sixteen i didn't wanna be like this, no matter what it took i wanted whatever it was to make it stop, it was killing me and i knew very well i was just (now i can see) being naive and it had to stop
in may it was so clear to me what i had to do it was the craizest thing and i swear it had come to me in an instant while laying in bed everything made sense and i had (literally) became a new person overnight i was so done with being bloated constantly and having to struggle to get any given article of clothing around my body and hoping it would slide on
the change was so sudden that i couldn't tell you what the date was, just sometime in mid may, (say the 16th, a month after i turned 15)
the morning i stepped on the scale, i had weighed 166.7lbs
for my height, that put me under class I obesity and let me tell you it sure felt like it
i had chaffed all my life, jiggled, had a double chin and always reached for a shirt with a big ugly
"L" on the tag
in the beginning i had no real goal or ideal weight set for myself, being that i had never been any thinner than 120's
but then it made sense to me to undo the damage for a liftime while i'm young and get myself to 100.0
i was going to lose 66, almost 67lbs and i didn't care how long it took, or how much or how often i had to do something to get there i just wanted to get there the right way-
fruits and vegetables
in the first month i had lost 12lbs and i felt
a m a z i n g and i was only excited to get to the next lbs because i knew the feeling would only get better,
in june, my best friend (who i met online)... and in person for my 14th birthday invited me to come to disney world for the second year in a row
and uh duh i came along....she had seen me person last in july 2011, i would say i was about in the 130s- maybe 140s
she always new me as fat and it didn't matter to me, she's superskinny and tall with long legs it never made me think twice about what she wold know what it's like to be stuck in your own prison
so i don't her in advance that i know i had put on a good deal of weight and it was no pretty sight but i was working on it and it was going pretty steady
and i knew very well there were going to be a TON of photos taken of me from many angles and as much as it would bother me now i would cherish them in the future because, well i'm determined and nothing's gonna change that
while at disney, i chaffed so hard my thighs started bleeding on the 2nd day in and i had to constantly stop walking to cake on more chafing gel and all it did was made me more happy that i had started because i really was at rock bottom months before and it was only going to get better from here.
well alot has happened since then, i'm now 118.8lbs and i was right all along and i feel free, and overrall happiness, i mean i still have a ways to go but it's nothing taking away from how great i feel now,
so dare i say i will look like a completely different person from my 15th birthday til my sixteenth
but the reason i felt the need to write a chunk of myself on a forum was that i have this never ending feeling of being misunderstood, like none of my fat friends don't feel the need to buy some broccoli because of me, my family still eats the exact same way(i don't eat with them obviously) and whenever i feel like i should tell somebody about something like, how appreciative of how comfortable it is just to walk around for me i realize it's like i'm talking to a wall, no one gets it like i do, they don't understand
what it's like to look in a mirror and be taken back because you can't reconize your own reflection, or how sore your hamstrings get after you squat with a 10lb plate
because now i've gotten a whole new sense of thought and philosophy, in public, when i see obese people walking around, my heart breaks because
i know what it's like, how they feel and i just can't ever shake the feeling of wanting to tell them that they don't ever have to settle, that they don't have to feel that way all because they want to dig they're grave with their spoon and i just stop myself because i can't imagine the look that will show up on their faces when a skinny girl walks up to them and basically tells them to "hey fatty, why don't you drop a couple so you can breathe"
and then days like today i read the threads on this forum and there's no way i could possibly be the only one who feels this way, who thinks this way?
lost 48 out of 66lbs and no one knows what it's like
