pear shaped bunny at an all time low
hi all! i've just embarked on a serious weight loss journey and am looking for a support system / group of some sort because i've been known to give up all to easily when the going gets tough. :c i should mention first of all that as a young-ish asian girl (26 on my birthday this year), being overweight in a culture where most females your age are stick thin and petite is definitely no cake walk. i've had my skinny friend give me a look of horror when i told them that i wore a UK size 14 for my bottoms. she's not even a UK size 4.
i have always had issues with my weight and suffered from the scars of childhood obesity which carried on all the way into my adult life. i did lose weight when i was 18 because i went on a meal replacement weight loss program and succeeded in going from 67kg to 55kg in the course of slightly less than a year. i maintained that weight till i met my then-boyfriend, now current fiance at the age of 21. i then grew more lax with my diet, but the downward spiral began when i suffered from a traumatic job experience when i was 23. long story short, i was a new teacher who was in charge of extremely rowdy classes who took every opportunity to jeer at me because of my weight. it was then that i had to face my insecurity issues in the face and deal with feelings that i've been trying to keep under wraps for the longest time. against all professionalism and better judgement, i let it get to me and soon fell into serious depression. it actually got to the point where one night, i went searching for any kind of pills that i could OD on, just so that i wouldn't have to face my terror at work the next morning. i couldn't find the pills, but found a bottle of hard liquor and sat myself down with it. it was then that i discovered that i had a minor allergy to alcohol and my parents found me in a bad state hours later. it soon became clear that i was at the brink of something really bad so i left my job. however, my depression persisted as i came to view myself as a failure. i took comfort in food and started binging, which eventually brought me to where i am today, weight-wise. i'm 69kg (152 pounds); heavier than i have ever been in my life thus far. and everytime i remember that, i fall out of love with myself just a little bit more.
i'm in a better place now, emotionally, but my looks have gone to ****. thankfully, my fiance has been my rock every step of the way. although i've gained about 15kg / 33 pounds since i've met him, he has never made me feel like i'm any less beautiful. we are planning to get married within the next couple of years, and although i know he'd never complain about it, i want to be a beautiful bride, someone who wouldn't be ashamed while standing next to him in front of his family and friends and their skinny skinny girl friends.
this is a weight loss journey, but more importantly, it's also a quest for self love and forgiveness. i've developed a loathing for myself these past years and that has to stop before i lose myself completely.
i'm sorry for this wall of text! i hope to see you lovely, beautiful people around here. i just have a feeling that life is going to get better for me right now, and you're going to be part of that.
Last edited by bunnypear; 11-18-2012 at 11:49 AM.
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