It's a little embarrassing to be honest, because I definitely don't want to seem like I'm jumping the gun here, but I've been seeing a guy (W) since October of last year and it has gotten VERY serious.

It started out with an instant attraction between the two of us. That has never happened before. I'm usually very awkward around new people, especially guys. Especially guys that have bushy beards and smoke, LOL. Totally NOT my thing, but there he was and he interested me like no one had before. We became friends, nothing more. When I moved up here after separating from the ex, we ran into each other and he treated me like I had the plague. Eventually though, we started hanging out and fireworks ensued. He was avoiding me because he was afraid of complicating things for me because of the divorce.

Things between us progressed kinda fast, but not recklessly, if that makes sense. We reevaluated our relationship, what we were doing and our individual situations often. We literally sat down and said, "Are we still ok with how things are going and how it is impacting our lives?"

It's been almost 11 months. We have had arguments, but nothing even worth raising our voices over. We get along wonderfully, and 99% of the time, I think we were literally made just for each other. The other 1% of the time he's being a disgusting man and farting in the car. I'm not one to fall head over heels for people. I tend to look at things logically and pick them apart before I get all stupid in love over someone. And I can without a doubt tell you (with some fear about being judged) that I only loved 2 people in my life, one was a friend of mine in school (we decided dating wasn't worth risking our friendship after watching all the train wrecks our friends were getting into) and the other is W. No, I didn't genuinely love my husband. I married him because it was expected, and I dealt with our problems because it was expected until I was literally in a survival situation. But I didn't actually love him in my heart, as much as I tried.

Anyway, about a month ago, people started asking W and I when we were going to get married. His friends, my friends, his family, my family, co-workers... random people who see us together, ALL of them are asking when we're going to get married. People who have been married for 30, 40 and 50 years are telling us we have the kind of relationship that works. We talked about it. I want to pay off debt and become more financially stable, and he wants to finish nursing school before we seriously consider getting married. We estimated about 2 years from now. Neither of us want to "shack up" before getting married. He doesn't even spend the night if the kids are here. (which, speaking of kids, they love him too) I don't feel obligated in the least to marry, or even stay with him. I love him. If we marry, great, if we don't, fine. I still love him.

However, we do want to get married, and I almost feel like it's taboo. Like there's some time period I have to wait until I actually WANT to marry again, or I have to feel guilty. My marriage died more than 3 years ago. I finally got the courage to leave last summer, and then BAM 4 months after getting here W and I hit it off. We aren't rushing anything, and I feel perfectly happy with the way we are handling it, but why do I feel like I'll be judged?? I mean, IS there a time period?? Am I handling this rationally?

Is your divorce final,if so you are perfectly free to start a new relationship.It doesn't sound to me that you are rushing into anything.

^agreed.

My bf's marriage had been in the shitter for a while. He finally left her at the end of Sept, 2011. I met him in December. Moved in after his kids met me (in April). We are moving to the city his kids live in next month. We've talked about marriage and having kids together. I figure as long as the divorce is final, you are good to move on. My bf found out when he moved that he was already divorced. They filed in 2005, but didn't follow the required steps so they thought they were still married until he called and found out they weren't. Don't worry about what others think.

Do what is comfortable for you. I started dating my husband about a year after he left his previous wife and 3 months after his divorce was finalized. We got married about 16 months of dating but that is just what felt right at the time. There is no reason to rush things.

I agree that as long as your divorce is final, you have nothing holding you back. Do what is right for YOU.

My ex-husband and I were separated for 3, almost 4 years before our divorce was final. 1 month after the paperwork was delivered, he was saying "I do" again.

This happens sometimes. You can't control when you meet someone amazing. You are handling this in a very mature manner, you have your feelings sorted, and we're talking about 11 months, not 11 days.

Keep doing what you're doing and I'm SO HAPPY to see you post again with happy news!

I don't have personal experience with it, but I think most people worry that any relationship after a serious relationship (be it marriage or long term dating) is a rebound relationship and can't work.

I don't know where this comes from or why so many people feel it's universal because how can it be?

You have every right to move on and to be happy. Just like you have every reason to wait to get married until both of you are ready to take that step. Don't let other people pressure you to do what to do with YOUR life.

ETA: My husband twice went from one relationship directly into another. First time, the relationship was basically dead, but they never ended it. Both of them moved on IMMEDIATELY. They only stayed in the current one, I think, because it wasn't that things were 'bad' they just weren't 'right'. His ex-girlfriend ended up marrying the next guy she dated.

When my husband met me, he was still dating his previous girlfriend. He ended that two year relationship when he realized he liked his new friend (me) more than he liked the girl he was dating. There was no TIME between the two and why does there have to be? We've been together for almost 19 years and married for 18 and are HAPPY.

Even with death, I have a good friend whose husband died at the age of 33 from an aneurysm. She loved him dearly and was devastated when he died. She would have NEVER believed in a million years she would remarry before two years were up. Wasn't that not grieving long enough? Wasn't that forgetting her first love? How could she plan WHEN she met another wonderful man? A man great with her and her two young kids and understanding of her love for her first husband too. Living your life according to a calendar or random social rules helps who? No one... Just do what's best for YOU and your kids.

^this^ ... esp becuz you have children, I think you should make sure that the divorce is finalized, asap (tidy up all loose ends, so2speak). Then, do what you feel is best for everyone involved when you want to do it ...

EDIT2ADD ~ oops, I just realized the title of your thread says you are already divorced. So you are free to move on and marry again whenever you want to. No need to rush; paying off debts and finishing school are good ideas too.

Love happens when love happens. There is no appropriate timeline you need to wait before it is too soon. As long as both parties are free and clear I believe it is appropriate and a blessing if two people want to spend their lives together.

That being said, I don't advise rushing headlong into anything you don't feel comfortable with either. If you both feel like it would be best to wait until he is through school and you want to get more financially stable first that's a good plan all around. But if you do decide to tie the knot before then don't worry if it is taboo or not or what others think. All that matters is what you two think.... and your children to an extent. As long as YOU are comfortable, screw anyone else, it is YOUR life not theirs