It's a little embarrassing to be honest, because I definitely don't want to seem like I'm jumping the gun here, but I've been seeing a guy (W) since October of last year and it has gotten VERY serious.
It started out with an instant attraction between the two of us. That has
never happened before. I'm usually very awkward around new people, especially guys. Especially guys that have bushy beards and smoke, LOL. Totally NOT my thing, but there he was and he interested me like no one had before.
We became friends, nothing more. When I moved up here after separating from the ex, we ran into each other and he treated me like I had the plague. Eventually though, we started hanging out and fireworks ensued. He was avoiding me because he was afraid of complicating things for me because of the divorce.
Things between us progressed kinda fast, but not recklessly, if that makes sense. We reevaluated our relationship, what we were doing and our individual situations often. We literally sat down and said, "Are we still ok with how things are going and how it is impacting our lives?"
It's been almost 11 months. We have had arguments, but nothing even worth raising our voices over. We get along wonderfully, and 99% of the time, I think we were literally made just for each other. The other 1% of the time he's being a disgusting man and farting in the car.
I'm not one to fall head over heels for people. I tend to look at things logically and pick them apart before I get all stupid in love over someone. And I can without a doubt tell you (with some fear about being judged) that I only loved 2 people in my life, one was a friend of mine in school (we decided dating wasn't worth risking our friendship after watching all the train wrecks our friends were getting into) and the other is W. No, I didn't genuinely love my husband. I married him because it was expected, and I dealt with our problems because it was expected until I was literally in a survival situation. But I didn't actually love him in my heart, as much as I tried.
Anyway, about a month ago, people started asking W and I when we were going to get married. His friends, my friends, his family, my family, co-workers... random people who see us together, ALL of them are asking when we're going to get married. People who have been married for 30, 40 and 50 years are telling us we have the kind of relationship that works. We talked about it. I want to pay off debt and become more financially stable, and he wants to finish nursing school before we seriously consider getting married. We estimated about 2 years from now. Neither of us want to "shack up" before getting married. He doesn't even spend the night if the kids are here. (which, speaking of kids, they love him too) I don't feel obligated in the least to marry, or even stay with him. I love him. If we marry, great, if we don't, fine. I still love him.
However, we
do want to get married, and I almost feel like it's taboo. Like there's some time period I have to wait until I actually WANT to marry again, or I have to feel guilty. My marriage died more than 3 years ago. I finally got the courage to leave last summer, and then BAM 4 months after getting here W and I hit it off. We aren't rushing anything, and I feel perfectly happy with the way we are handling it, but why do I feel like I'll be judged?? I mean, IS there a time period?? Am I handling this rationally?
Relationships after divorce (long post but advice appreciated)
