Hi, my name is Aubrey / Wolfshadow, and I'm new. I've always been fat. My highschool years, I was always at least 250 lbs. Now at 32 and 306 lbs, I'm trying to get my life back on track and be thin.. for the first time I can remember.
I don't have any excersize partners or support network.. My mother loves to rub it in that she's smaller than I am. I was teased all though elementary and high school for being fat. I suffered sexual abuse from my father so I know I'm a comfort eater. I can eat and eat and eat and not feel full until I literally can't force any more in. I'm trying very hard to learn that I don't need to eat as much... but my stomach rumbles constantly if I don't take in the normal amount.
I was on Atkins during 2005 and I lost nearly 100 pounds (I had been around 340 when I started and got down to 260) and then I met my lovely ex-fiance who pretty much obliterated that by insisting on fast food, pizza, and pasta constantly. That threw me off the wagon and I ballooned back up to 350. We broke up (found out he was cheating on me to boot and installed a lovely worm on my old PC that killed it) and screwed me up pretty good in all aspects of my life. It's to the point where I don't feel I'm worthy of anyone's affections and I pretty much self destruct should anyone flirt with me, and tell them not to bother since I'm 300 pounds, they can do much better. I know this hatred of myself is deeply sown in, and isn't going to change until I change myself to where I'm happy with my weight. Once that changes I may be happy enough to allow myself to allow such advances... But not right now.
So here I am, hoping I find some friends who will keep me going on this road... this is my last-ditch effort to lose the weight on my own before I bite the bullet and get the stomach staple surgery and make it so I can't overeat.
Congratulations on being determined to lose the weight, you can do it!
There are other things that may help you on your way to being happy as well - traditional therapy, hypnotherapy. When one's self-esteem is extremely low, losing the weight doesn't necessarily solve the negative thought-patterns that may have caused it. Hopefully it's something you can look into doing for yourself.
I sincerely hope you have success this time! And do your research a million times over before deciding on something like surgery, make sure you know what you're getting into.
Will quit babbling now. Again, welcome, and best of luck!
I don't think I'll be going the therapy route. Had it before in high school (though, granted, I couldn't say everything in high school for obvious reasons) and honestly, it's a waste of time IMHO. (Besides, I'm currently unemployed so that means no insurance.)
I want to handle this, and any personal demons, under my own power, not with a crutch of needing a shrink. I function just fine- it's the overeating that's my problem.. and I plan to get over that too.
Welcome, Wolfshadow - I'm a comfort eater, but I can't say that I've faced the level of personal challenges that you have. Nonetheless, I can offer support as you work toward your goals, and so can the rest of the 3FC community!
I agree that starting with yourself as the center of your recovery is a good first start. Babysteps, though. A full-on "diet" like Atkins isn't for everyone (I fell off of that diet after losing 50lbs and gained 70lbs back). There surely will be a lifestyle that you can build for yourself that eliminates food as your "crutch."
Best wishes!
You can do this! If you would like, you are welcome to join us in our Daily Check In Thread -- a group where we are not all on the same plan but just support and encourage one another along the way.
You are off to a good start just by finding the courage to post here and share your struggles. You have you first what we call around here NSVs --- a Non Scale Victory!!
Please feel free to look around the forum and join in wherever you feel is right for you. I am sure that whatever threads you choose to join, you will be warmly welcomed.
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